It should be a felony to put vanity plates on a Kia Soul.
Comedy Boy Ronny Pascale
@ronnypascale.bsky.social
A very famous comedian.
It should be a felony to put vanity plates on a Kia Soul.
The Pope is gonna end the battle with the White House by screaming “A MINNNNOOOOOR”.
Nipple hair is only weird if you let it be. Not for me. I tune mine like a guitar string and play Smoke on the Water on it. 🎸🔥
Listening to true crime podcasts made me realize that I could be easily indoctrinated into a cult as long as your cult has the best snacks.
I feel left out. I’m the only one of my friends not performing on Netflix is a Joke. I’m starting my own counterfestival called Tubi is for Serious People.
Why does the security at Ross Dress for Less dress like they’re ready to overthrow a small island nation?
I don't smoke weed. I go to dispensaries for the people watching. My local spot has all of the characters of a Wes Anderson movie: A posh butler, Hipsters budtenders in velvet vests, A tennis pro that had an affair with a soccer mom, Twins with matching red tracksuits, A soccer mom, Bill Murray
I feel bad for robots. They were promised they’d be luxurious flying cars. Nope. They just deliver burritos in the Valley. How will I ever explain this to my AI girlfriend?
Uber driver: when I drop you off, can I use your bathroom? Me: only if you accept my surge prices. Uber Driver: nah, I'll wait.
I'm starting to think George Soros is never gonna pay any of us.
You ever try to listen to the Project: Hail Mary audiobook, think you’re having a stroke until you realize you downloaded the Dutch audiobook? No? Just me?
The older I get, the more I love to sit to pee. Fellas, bros, dudes, guys, it’s not weird to sit and pee — unless you’re at a urinal.
I only go to therapy during the college basketball playoffs. I call it March Sadness. I am an underdog, looking for an upset.
Facebook said this happened ten years ago today. Still upset my therapist is funnier me. Me: I chase after emotionally unavailable women. I should just get a dog. Psychiatrist: Make sure it's not an emotionally unavailable dog.
I've been learning Russian the right way: watching porn with the captions on.
INT. COMEDIAN CLUB - NIGHT. Comedian gets off stage after what he considered a decent set. A woman (20s) walks up to him. Woman: Can we-- take a picture? Comedian: I would LOVE to. Her (to friends): Get over here! He’ll take a picture for us! The comedian’s soul exists his body Fade to black.
Whoever wins the USA vs Venezuela World Baseball Classic game today gets to keep Maduro.
Italy vs. Puerto Rico in the World Baseball Classic is West Side Story, if nobody dance fought or stabbed each other.
My neighbors left their door open. My pug ran right in their house. As she did, I grabbed her and yelled “you’re being a problem right now!” My neighbors didn’t see my dog, just me running up to their open door and yelling “YOU’RE BEING A PROBLEM RIGHT NOW!” How would YOU react?
Fungry is when you're so hungry but you're having too much fun to eat.
Pinky: Brain, what do you want to do tonight? Brain: The same thing we do every night, Pinky— try to make all of our bread deliveries on time!
