Ah, time for the movies. The trailers are done, which means only one thing's left: to be advertised the ugliest car in the world

They were going to cast Jared Leto in the 13 Going On 30 soft reboot but he insisted on her staying 13

[Joker voice] it's over, Grimes,

Local wizard infestation is getting out of hand and the council does nothing about it. I turn on the light outside my flat and a dozen aged men in pointy hats scurry under the bins

Day 1 minute 1 of me being PM, I'm hitting the emergency alert button with "Everyone knows you're high and you'll be high forever" to nuke the poor sod who'll have statistically just lit his first joint

Just had a beautiful day in nature. Didn't even bring my phone with me. Just me, a pack of smokes, six disposable barbecues, and seventy acres of dry bracken

He said, these days, you'll be arrested and thrown in jail just for having premarital sex not on the one night a year it's legal to do so

Looking up facts about Wild Wild West on WikiWikiWahWahpedia

What's she asking me for?

Unofficial BBCNews (UK) Bot@bbcnews-uk-rss.bsky.social · last mo.

Bev Craig: Who is the new Mayor of Greater Manchester?

Thinking of becoming more insane. Might start making myself believe hot honey is made by wasps

If you're wondering how they fixed Declan Rice, they put him in a tub of iPhones overnight until he played better

Geronimo the Alpaca can rest easy in Ungulate Valhalla tonight

People should focus less on LLMs (Large Language Models) and instead focus on having LLMs (Lovely Little Moments) with their friends :)

Call me Fortunato off of The Cask Of Amontadillo the way my boys get me bricked up

Is the Lizard Wizard (off of King Gizzard) a wizard that is also a lizard, or simply a mage skilled in herpetomancy

In The Shape of Water, when Sally Hawkins is jerking off in the bathroom over the fishman, it's no longer a bathroom. It's her Creature From The Black LaGooncave

[Michael Caine voice] Hello. I am. Michael Caine. And this. Is Jackass.

Hearing reports this was Isaac Chotiner attempting his hardest hitting interview yet

Call me the White House Correspondents' Dinner gunman the way after an hour of complimentary cocktails it's unclear if I can shoot or not

Getting the surgery that makes you lose all memory of having had the surgery

April the 20th, or, as it's said in French Canadian, Avril Lavigne,

I lean towards my date halfway through watching Koyaanisqatsi. "They're doing that to me tomorrow," I whisper. It's unclear what I mean. Nevertheless, they do.

Hamnet/Anora crossover where Jessie Buckley reaches on stage at the end of Anora's strip show (she's reminded of her dead son Amnora) and eight roided out security guys throw her into the Hudson

I think if someone did the plot of Speed 2: Cruise Control to the Northernlion cruise he'd be pretty upset. But I also think for a brief moment he'd really enjoy the reference

Kind of fucked up that "this was done execution style", maybe the coolest sentence to be able to say, is only really applicable when finding someone that got murdered execution style

This is what the Queen said to Liz Truss when she became PM

oblivion.txt@oblivion-txt.bsky.social · 5mo ago

I now declare you to be Duchess of Dementia of the Shivering Isles! May your wrath and anger be your guide.

"Oh, you're sad? Let me play you a song on the world's smallest violin" I start playing. It's Untouched by The Veronicas. You feel better immediately.

BENOIT BLANC, GENUINELY INQUISITIVE: whose pussy is this?

Had a vision of the future