Tonight is chicken, garlic bread, mashed potatoes & chickpeas, and gravy. Lil mock harvest fest before the real one lol

Not a great nap ngl. That one was pretty shitty.

I have to wait til tomorrow morning now for biopsy results, which is fine I guess but I also do wanna get it over with.

Ohhhh my head hurts so bad, I need to take some meds and eat breakfast

Also I'm the only guy in the group still, to my knowledge. Honestly I think it causes me less dysphoria than having a guy in the group, which is the opposite of how I felt when I joined.

Headache before therapy, awesome

Anyway morning, hopefully today isn't too overwhelming and shitty but I'm sure I'll still have a tough time regardless of rest.

I got a lil over 6 hours of sleep, which is incredibly unlike me. Again, sucks I gotta use this energy for therapy but I guess I'll need it today. Also hoping my biospy results arent too shitty, I'll find out this afternoon tho

Food has been planned for the next couple days to start working through all this fresh stuff, I have a lot to get through (and I'm probably gonna need to freeze some chilis also

Tomorrow is also my biopsy result day, which means I'll be able to talk about next steps which could possibly include surgery. I hope not, but I won't know until we talk.

Therapy group tomorrow, meeting a bunch of new people. Idk what would make me more dysphoric: having them all be cis women again, or having one cis man who will never have to be subjected to misgendering like I was...

I got enough calories in the day to finish this apple crisp and still be under my intake limit, so I'm definitely gonna do that! Then tomorrow I gotta go out and grab 1 overripe banana so I can make banana bread, and that'll be the new fresh-baked sweet in the house (we also have store pumpkin pie)

Here's everything I got from the food bank! I feel incredibly spoiled, but I'm very glad to be stocked up properly for the month! (alt text for everything)

Incredible dinner tonight, thank you food bank! Pan-seared rosemary & garlic lamb steak, roasted potato & carrot, garlic bread, and a really good Thai mango chili salad!

Other pics on the way but fucking look at this huge bag!!! Dunno what I'm gonna do with all of it but I'm excited

They had soooo many chili pepper omfg. Haul from food bank coming soon

My plan for harvest celebration is my usual. Turkey (I get a lil weird round ball one cuz cheaper & easier), turnip puff, potato casserole, stuffing, and gravy. We also have some pumpkin pie for dessert. Idk if I'm making stuff Wednesday or waiting til the weekend, but that depends on food bank

Cleaned out random expired stuff in my fridge, so now I'm ready for the food bank

Ah, I see it's an ant-in-my-coffee kind of morning. At least it's ant singular and not ants plural

The pain also keeps evolving cuz I can't do anything but lay on my side (unless I want this cyst to feel worse). I wanna go to urgent care, but I genuinely don't have the physical or mental energy to cope with a busy medical place where I get misgendered and they have to look at my genitals...

I'm really agitated and depressed this morning. My head really hurts, my back really hurts, I barely slept. I'm just so utterly exhausted from life, I barely do anything but I can't keep up anymore. Not even close.

I'm just always gonna be sleep deprived and in pain. This really sucks, I don't feel well...

Glad I got to play games for a while. My back isn't glad; it's in screaming, searing pain and I feel like I'm getting slowly carved into... Nothing I can do, I can't even lay on my back to sleep I have to still curl up in a ball and attempt to rest with these hot knives in my back.

This coming week I'm gonna make harvest food to enjoy, provided I have fridge room. I gotta clean out my fridge tomorrow after food bank, depending on what I get.

My back is killing me, but at least I'm playing something. I'm still laying on my side, I wish I could lay on my back but that would hurt my cyst so damn much it's not worth it

Tried to have a bath to relax. Made me hurt so much I was having a hard time seeing. So that's great.

I'm also gonna try to keep my mind busy tonight the best I can, which won't be easy cuz I'll be alone at home and I'm incredibly depressed. But I need to try my best.

Dinner was good, I'm also gonna have a protein shake because I'm severely lacking today and one drink will literally double my protein intake for the day. I've been walking a lot, I need it.

Making taco rice for dinner (like taco toppings on rice)

Tomorrow I have to make 2 phonecalls and also go to the food bank. I was gonna go to urgent care, but I don't think I can mentally handle it tbh. Maybe another day, but idk.