Helix wants to be a slow burn mystery show so bad but it can't stop feeding you lore and action scenes. It's like a 4 year old tried to make one

jesus christ, if you open every call with "you sound stressed" maybe that is a clue about whether people want to talk to you

When the gloop is in the pot

Cook cook hurry up turn red cook hurry cook turn red and be done hurry and cook

You think I put enough onion in this?

Why does every petco look like its been out of business for 5 years

Tractor supply should have more people hygiene stuff. I ahould be able to buy people shaving cream at the same store as horse shaving cream

Listening to my dnd players theorize and writing down ideas for future sessions

Oh wow Helix is very much a scifi channel original, huh? "Freezing rearranges the tensile strength." Ok, that doesn't make sense and also cold making metal brittle is a widely known thing you don't need a security guard to sciencesplain

I understand that occasionally you'll have to cut some metal to build a house. I do not understand why it requires someone doing so for 6 hours a day for weeks on end

He dropped his ball in the hole

How CC has chosen to execute her morning snuggles

Fascinating to watch people internalize the idea that they need more protein from advertising, then get excited about products that have made no change except to list the amount of protein that's always been in them in yellow on the box

Not being able to eat fried potatoes makes it surprisingly difficult to navigate american life. Like there are a lot of forms of fried potato you are assumed to crave around

I have this campaign that I had built up to the last fight we did and then I got sick and never built out the rest beyond a framework and now I have to run it and we'll see what happens!

Going to the homes of the people who make flashbacks and leaving a five five page long story about where I got the stationary for this threatening letter

They should make a version of these big mystery shows where all the fraught conversations about nothing that are just there to ratchet tension automatically play back at 4x speed for people who just get bored instead of feeling suspense.

A lit of people think eunuchs didnt fuck but they all had a null sex

Exploring dog

You know everybody says "Touch grass" but I spend the most time outside in the woods or running around in a field with my dog out of anyone I know and I also am online enough to upset and repulse them, so..

I don't enjoy watching The Strain. It actually kinda pisses me off. But if I see it available I am compelled to watch. Sucks

I wonder if it's a good idea to destroy all human knowledge for a new kind of phone that lies to you

Podcast pitch: 8 of the most insufferable men to ever steal air doing exclusively visual gags

Anyeay, enough rants. Dog

Doctor cancels my appointment, wants me to reschule. Ok, I'll do that online. They call a second time and say "We're only allowed to reach out twice" (This is a lie they have sent me 4 surveys since last friday) and tell me my appointment slot is now cancelled and I'm on a waitlist.

To be utterly unproductive in a world literally cooking in the waste heat from its frantic drive to be productive is a noble calling.

For some reason I am being assaulted by the memory of a radioshack training session where they were forcing us to divulge personal details for minimum wage in the name of team building and a woman stood up and said "I'm a published poet" with such resignation and despair that they ended the exercise

Aw man I remembered a place I used to go as a kid and not only has their menu changed to be exactly like all the others, they named a salad after my douchiest childhood neighbors.

The pizza shops in this garbage town simply refuse to heat up an Italian sub. They only serve the trashest cheesesteak you've ever tasted and meatball subs where they cut the balls into little wedges. An entire town of sandwich idiots

I'm still half convinced that llms are the product of aliens being like "ooh, these guys are gonna be a problem." They found our dumbest losers and told them this was AI to poison the human knowledge base and keep us planetbound