these songs save my soul

im already doomed to fail the most important class of my year drive is at an all time low i cant manage to do anything and i cant be bothered to even dream of a better future at this point shortest deadlines ever I cant do anything about it because all the drive is gone its been fun everyone.

How do I do anything without coming off as such an avoidable presence I don't understand man. I keep thinking on how many times I've wanted to say something to someone but just can't bring myself to. I fucking hate how my brain works like this.

Starting to want to give up on my dreams again. The patience I had that lasted for years is starting to leave my body as I see my friend achieve everything I wish I could. Nothing has been working for me recently. Illusive should've been my end. What the fuck am I doing here still. I don't know.

Point got brought up in VC so I'll say smth Although I am trans with She/They pronouns you can still say some bs like yessirino because it's just funny as hell I mean at the end of the day I don't really expect most people to use what I wrote but yeah most things you refer to me as don't matter 💜

I think Forgotten Kingdom is my favorite song of the month so far. SOMNIUM doesn't count because I heard it early, FK was pretty much blind. Gatlic and IZEI you are some insane mfs for putting something this good together, and the fact my track is after SOMNIUM AFTER THIS is insane. It's an honor.

one of the best songs in SXCD-09 so far comes out in like 3 months I have major hopes for this whole project honestly. It's been going VERY well all things considered.

Tad early because I'm tired Every year since 2023 I've drawn this character, and the improvement has been kinda fun to see Give it up for year 4 everone

Idk what to say here so this can go here too Working on a techcore track insanely inspired by Mylta, and this is it's break section Uhhhhh yeah I got nothing else just vibe to this

polymorphite's Public Gameplay Demo is now out! For now, you can only download it directly from our website at hajimeli.net/polymorphite, but it will come to Steam as soon as we can put it up (expecting at most a few days)!

Submissions close for smth today Let's hope Faithless Chasm is impressive enough for acceptance to the game I gave it to 👅👅👅

Im listening to this track I made 3 months ago and Im deadass so excited to release it, unfortunately that still has to wait like 4 months. Its a real personal one so I'm not sure how much It will blend with people, but if it can help the one person it needs, then I did my job. Lots of anticipation.

oh yeah I have access to this in school lmao not like I'm gonna be on this website a lot during school but its a good tool to have at least new music not soon

im done submitting to open comps. i dont have the talent for it very clearly.

i really hope i get accepted to the game I just applied to, once again shooting my shot for something. i was waiting for it for a decent bit and i'm hoping my INSTANT submission wasn't a turn off for it. i'm probably overthinking things but i am so exhausted that i cant tell anymore. goodnight....

Welp Final day before I'm pretty much inactive in production for 9+ months. It's been funny to see how long this production career has lasted me, starting all the way in 7th grade, now I'm going to my first day of 12th tomorrow. I don't think the younger me would have expected this to last so long.

inactivity VERY likely inbound in the next few days this is what the album currently looks like just for personal documentation purposes because I KNOW what all these are lmao school is going to absolutely kill me though so expect not a lot of new finished things over these next many months.

Is there even life for me to live at 18..

I'm really gonna hope that everyone that I've worked with, collabs, guest appearances, comp appearances, EVERYONE I've worked with is proud of what I've managed to do. I've had this lingering feeling for a bit now and it really makes me wonder if I truly am of importance to anyone in this scene.

UNBELIEVABLE STOMACH PAIN OH MY GOD BRO

Y'know It's kinda crazy to think that someone might just fucking kill me one day just because they don't like my identity It's honestly upsetting but it feels unlikely so I'll just ball for now I guess

this DTM block has been lasting a terrifying amount of time. The last track I finished DIRECTLY for SXCD-09 was in june. It was a 2014 type Hi-Tech track, and since that, I only have one comp song that may get rejected and put on I'm really concerned I wont get this done all school year...

No one sees my posts here so I can just say things If there happens to be another hajimeli song contest at some point in the future and I don't get into it I might just genuinely end it all Getting in one of their games is literally my biggest dream ever and I threw my chance away last time so Idk.

polymorphite's demo will release in September 2026 and contain 6 songs you can play for free! Additionally, previews of other gameplay features, like Concepts and Aspects, will be available in this demo. Please look forward to it!

Allison

I feel like this might be where my story ends.

The album is now out. Thank you to everyone who showed up to the premiere. The album will be available to download on bandcamp and will be on streaming services soon. Thank you for your patience and one more time. Thank you all. So much.

See you soon.

day of birth

Announced this last night. SXCD-08 "Illusive Instances" is the mega album I've been working on, unshown because I'm still waiting on the cover artist, so heres a temp I made myself. I'm still FAR from done but stay tuned for sometime later this year most likely, thank you all for waiting :3