seeing resident evil tomorrow! People are unanimously saying it’s very good which is shocking & unheard of for this series

They drew horns & blacked out my tooth with a marker

It’s been ages since I’ve hit the Quan. It’s bout time I dust off the ol Quan

“This fucks verily” - a wizard who chanced upon the scene

I stomped a pinto bean into oblivion, forever infused in the floor of this enterprise rental car

Cows

I’m not following back uncle Bill on Instagram eat shit uncle bill

You got me now here I am

This sandwich shop was shot up just yesterday, but as they say you gotta risk it for the biscuit

Elizabeth Holmes stole my money & DNA. I didn’t put up much of a fight she caught me at a great time

As one candle is snuffed out, another is lit

But then I thought, “What a gift! What a gift it is to be missed so dearly.”

If anything goes wrong we gotta link arms like monkeys in a barrel & brace for impact

“We need to go to bed early so we can wake up on time” yeah bro that sentence alone is going to keep me up for 3 days straight

Witnessed someone earnestly referring to Bon Jovi as “Bon”, as if that were his first name

clove of garlic, the body olive oil, the blood

creating new superstitions to abide by

opening the dark portal in front of this live studio audience

Sade is playing in Lowe’s. I close my eyes, & for a moment, I hear voices of ppl who love me

NEVER listen to autocorrect. You are correct. always

I sold my rare necromancer leggings in the auction house. I finally have enough gold to buy my own horse

I am joining Team Rocket

This is reporter, reporting live. Back to you. Thanks reporter.

Cut to commercial im dying here

Wow, look at us. A ragtag crew, bound by our shared values.

We lived off cave insects, but we had each other

It's been 20 years, & I still don't know what Eddie Vedder is saying. Don’t know if I even care to learn

BTS stands for Big Time Sush. These are the facts

My eyes blink at different rates. blurs dance in my periphery.

I need to ask my hologram wife of the future for permission