I stumbled into the future and I can't get out.

My hands never sleep. Only my mind sleeps.

Mason drew the left half of the line, Dixon drew the right half.

If Trump had a larger penis, he wouldn’t have to torture immigrants & destroy Iran to find pleasure. #trumpswarofchoice #trumprepublicancorruption #TrumpsIllegalWar #TrumpsReligion #TRUMPTreason #fascism

I have reverse alcoholism. Every day I'm less attracted to beer.

I heard the voice of God – it was surprisingly effeminate.

I visited the car tomb in Khartoum.

People say, "It's all bullshit," but they're wrong. It's mostly cowshit.

You can't make your dog American. If your dog was born in France, it remains French. There's no "naturalization" process for dogs.

As long as Pete Hegseth heads the military, I guarantee we will lose every war.

A poem is like a shot of whiskey; a novel’s a three-day bender

If Trump admitted, “Yes, I used to rape children,” the whole thing would just blow over. #trumprepublicancorruption #trumpshousingcrisis #TrumpTariff #TrumpisPutinsPoodle #TrumpIsAPedoRapist #TrumpPedófilo

What if Jesus isn't God's son, but only His nephew?

Two archaic synonyms: "hatless" and "bareheaded."

Future archaeologists will suspect that every McDonald’s was a temple, where cows were sacrificed to a clown-god.

@nytimes.com In the shower, I sing; washing my hands, I hum.

@nytimes.com A cough is the opposite of a thought.

Shouldn’t there be “Kings” rallies, for those who think Trump is a great King? #TrumpBelongsInPrison #TrumpRapedChildren #trumpettothenations #impeach #fascism

One forgets that rubble often contains corpses.

A newly-build house is “born” – we just don’t use that word.

My dog is famous – but only to other dogs.

The opposite of Facebook is Backoftheheadbook.

I coveted my neighbor’s ass… until she sold it.

AI may destroy the human race, but it will never harm daffodils.

I’m a late bloomer. In fact, I’m just now blooming.

Trump is a much worse liar than he used to be.

Contemporary Couplet Marlon Brando was a little rando.

Trump is a fascist who looks like an aging hairdresser; Hegseth is a fascist who looks like a fascist. #TrumpPedófilo #trumpfell #trumpsgasfailure #tRumpMostDespisedEver

Trump in China looked like he had been called into the principal’s office for writing dirty words in the boys bathroom.

My guard dog and my therapy dog hate each other.