蘭魔

@swanchime.itch.io

29歳アメリカで生まれた🇻🇳人 Detroit, MI 腐男子。BLとかイラストが好きです。小説と漫画とゲームを制作しています。いつもBL進めが欲しいです。好きなBLを教えてください! https://suicidekings.ju.mp/ DM if you are interested in ENG <-> JP translation work with me

one of the major thematic concerns of SUICIDE KINGS is death and killing. it gets extensively discussed! the question, "what would you do if someone you save goes on to kill other people?" is from JJK S1 #comics #oc #art

SE-BIN, smiling: What would you do if someone you saved goes on to kill other people?

Would you still 
save them?
KUSURIURI: It depends... is what I want to say. 

WHAT I REALLY FEEL IS THAT IT'S NONE OF MY BUSINESS.

Some people 
can only live by parasitizing others 

in life-ruinous cycles of extreme torture for the sake of proving their own ego. 
SE-BIN, smiling: So?

KUSURIURI: So a parasite is still a living thing. And I think ヒトビト (HITOBITO; people)  are much more complex than parasites and that choosing to drain others' will to live by using them as leverage to prop up your own ego is an individual choice they are making,

and this very common "depriving others of the will to live in order to feed your own ego" is a type of "killing" that isn't acknowledged as "murder" unlike some people think my career "exorcisms" are, as shinigami.

KUSURIURI, aside: why is it that the common and abundant phenomenon of depriving others of the will to live and driving them to end their lives directly is treated like an individualistic failure of the victim to simply not survive being killed!

but when "shinigami" exorcise a mark on contract because the mark is a threat to the ecosystem of souls and is a scourge that the predators at the top need to hunt, curb, and PURIFY; it becomes a matter of "murder." 

why do people think murder and killing are the same? ANIMALS KILL; hitmen kill; criminal civilians ("people") murder.

SE-BIN: SO WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF SOMEONE YOU SAVED GOES ONTO KILL OTHER PEOPLE?

KUSURIURI: Nothing. Whether I save them or not is my decision. Whether they use their life to kill is theirs. 

But remember: when given the choice to kill or die, not everyone chooses to die.

(I DIDN’T.)

You have a choice, too.

I think if you're asking how much of my work is schizophrenic delusion, ask: why Can't this be true? why is it Not plausible? AND is a symbolic metaphor inherently "false"? but doesn't the symbolic comparison reveal More about the truth more accurately than a dry dictionary definition?

I'd rather be all alone in the world with only my brother to talk to than disrespect myself into believing in and enacting the suppression of the "unspeakable" - I want those who are unspeakable to know, at least I am willing to tell the truth. and I want others to know I exist/ed

to be honest, the only reason why I committed to living is because I'm "unable" to kill myself. my DID won't allow it. I attempted years ago and my alter pistolwhipped me so hard it took years of schizophrenic art sublimations to barely scotch tape together all the memories I eliminated from my life

the ppl who r going to help me thru the hell that is my life are "my weird and rare friends online" who listen to my stories and cherish them as my real ass tragic history; as something precious and important. I share my art bc I want a real connection with human beings who "could" care abt me

I have Complicated (traumatic) feelings about drawing and writing about sex. but it is an intrinsic part of my The Life experience and the women(?) I loved. and the one I didn't but tried desperately hard to delude myself I was okay about. (I was not ok)

ああああああムカつく! 俺はBLを静かで読めばいい。一人でおとなしく読ねばいい! 俺の部屋におとなしく寝てBL 小説を一人で読めばいい。それなら嬉しい! 色々なおかしいものを母は何故俺に混乱してったの?!アアアアアアアアぁああ 何故怒られた。

I had a seizure!! again!! I'm too busy to be thinking about The Numbers of Engagement unless you're talking to me about dynastic era war units from a feudal military general's perspective!! only then will I taste freedom!!

Michigan friends! Join me and my Resonant Soundscapes collaborators Marcus Elliot, Michael Malis, @saratea.bsky.social, Chien-An Yuan, and Julie Zhu at the Detroit Public Library next Sunday, 10/18 (2-4p, CSJ Friends Auditorium) for a live-improvised scoring of the silent horror classic "Häxan"!

beautifully designed digital flyer for the upcoming Resonant Soundscapes performance on Sunday 10/18 at the Detroit Public Library featuring a live-score performance to the 1922 horror film "Häxan"; there is a spooky blue-colored apparition against a black background and on top of that is red/organge text with all the event details

SUICIDE KINGS is my memoir. it "remembers" people I knew and loved. even the relatively grand scope of this project is still too narrow to capture everyone. but it pinches the thin milk film that coalesced on top