THE HOUTHIS JUST LAUNCHED A MASSIVE ATTACK ON DUBAI'S PORTS! This comes after Iran spent the last two days hitting AMERICAN BASES without facing any sort of retaliation from Trump. Who knows how many are injured. But hey, at least Scott Bessent manipulated oil prices, eh?

People need to stop being so goddamn dramatic with this liberal vs socialist shit. If someone wins the Democratic nomination for a race, I vote for them. All I ask is that they give people healthcare and bully MAGA. That's it. Just torment all the dipshits I despise and we're cool.

I'm so goddamn sick of this humiliating dementia dance. One day, Donald Trump vows to become the biggest genocidal mass murderer in human history. The next, he pussies out and pleads for peace. Over and over and over again. JUST MAKE UP YOUR FUCKING MIND ALREADY.

BREAKING NO SHIT NEWS: Iran says they have absolutely no idea what Trump is talking about and that he pulled this ceasefire nonsense out of his ass. They say they will continue to blow ships up until the world recognizes their dominion over the Strait of Hormuz.

ONCE AGAIN, TRUMP PUSSIES OUT! He just pulled a fictional "peace deal" out of his ass late on Saturday night to manipulate markets for Monday. The only thing more pathetic than a bully is a bully WHO CAN'T EVEN BACK UP THEIR BIG MOUTH AND FOLLOW THROUGH WITH THEIR THREATS. Utter global humiliation.

OVER 600 CONFIRMED CASUALTIES! Hundreds upon hundreds of American kids being hidden away while they suffer from catastrophic injuries. All as our war in Iran actively collides with Putin's war in Ukraine. We're talking world war levels of clusterfuck. Anyways, sweet dreams.

HORRIFIC. Lots of leaks about Hegseth firing or otherwise punishing anyone who tells him the truth about the Iran war. I can't stress enough how catastrophic this is. A military culture of fear and sycophancy spawns incompetence, bad decisions, and the death of America's youth.

MASSIVE WAR CRIMES INCOMING. American bases are being defensively evacuated in preparation for Trump and Netanyahu launching an "EXTREME" joint attack on Iran. This will likely go down as the bloodiest week of the war so far. Horror all around.

TOTAL CLUSTERFUCK! We tried to escort tankers through Hormuz and they got absolutely wrecked by Iran. Then, the Houthis made good on their threat to shut down the Red Sea by murking Saudi tankers. All as the House votes to merge our military with Israel. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?

You gotta give Jon Ossoff his fucking props, man. He verbally disemboweled Pete Hegseth to his face without even raising his voice, all while his eyes screamed "I'm going to eat your fucking soul." Real impressive.

I'm so sick and fucking tired of seeing my country be an international laughing stock. I mean, we've been for awhile, but at least we could enforce our will on the world through industrialized violence. Now, we can't even fucking do that right anymore. America is down bad, man.

Barron Trump is an adult and can be made to publicly testify before congress. Once we win the House, we MUST put that daddy long legs motherfucker under oath about his influence in protecting the sex trafficking Tate brothers. Not to mention the INSANE AMOUNTS OF INSIDER TRADING.

MASSIVE COVERUP OF MILITARY DEATHS BY TRUMP AND HEGSETH. Mark my words, the last few days and this weekend will go down as the bloodiest of the war so far. Iran is scoring massive hits on military barracks. Shit is fucking ugly and getting fuglier and bloodier by the minute.

THE "ELECTION INTELLIGENCE" Trump released shows RUSSIA PAID AMERICAN POLITICIANS AND MEDIA FIGURES TO SPREAD LIES ABOUT BIDEN! The exact same documents he's citing about Chinese media influence efforts. So it's okay for Russia and Israel to interfere, but not China?

HOLY FUCKING NOTHINGBURGER! So much for Trump's speech having ANY damning evidence for "election fraud." Every single thing he's saying about China can be applied to Russia and Israel. "They paid journalists to write negative stories about me!" A LIMP DICK SLURRING SHIT SHOW.

Lindsey Graham is one of the most pathetic Americans to have ever lived. Imagine being blackmailed for something that everyone already knows. Like someone saying to me "Do what I say or I'm gonna tell the world you hate religious people and love smoking weed." I mean, okay? Knock yourself out.

A DIARRHEA PARASITE IS RAVAGING 30 STATES! I blame Stephen Miller and his corpse bride. These ghouls have the nerve to bring a toilet serpent into this world and can't even be bothered to care for it. Now it's on the loose and terrorizing the WHOLE GODDAMN COUNTRY! So foul.

When you close your eyes tonight, take comfort in knowing that Jon Ossoff and Raphael Warnock are in the Senate and there isn't a GODDAMN THING the GOP's bloated orange messiah can do about it. Trump can flap his necrotic jowls lying all he wants. Won't change a goddamn thing.

LOOK! I'm not saying Lindsey Graham died from monkey pox. I'm not saying his heart exploded from mixing poppers and amphetamines on an airplane. I'm not saying he died from an infected anal prolapse. I'm not saying any of this at all, but it's in your mind now, so good luck with that.

Hold on for dear life, Joe Biden! At this rate, you're only a few scoops of ice cream away from outliving Lindsey Graham, Mitch McConnell, and Donald Trump. That'd be one hell of a hattrick.

LINDSEY GRAHAM IS DEAD! I REPEAT, LADY G HAS CHECKED THE FUCK OUT OF THE BUILDING. Someone hurry and raid that degenerate freak's demonic sex dungeon. You'll find a whole bunch of hamsters and guinea pigs and fuck ferrets that need to be saved. HELP THOSE POOR ABUSED CREATURES!

ICE MURDERS ANOTHER INNOCENT HARD WORKING PERSON! Holy fucking shit, man. I'm clearly pretty jaded and have a little withered black heart at this point, but it's impossible to listen to this man's family speak without getting choked up. What a sick, sad shitshow.

We don't believe in political violence in America. Well, unless we're bombing the shit out of other countries, performing global coups, attacking our own Capitol police to avenge the wounded pride of a senile reality star, and tossing crying little brown children into cages.

I'm going to nut so fucking hard if Tyler Robinson is let out of prison due to prosecutorial incompetence. I hope he becomes a streamer and makes millions relentlessly trolling Erika Kirk. Fuck her and fuck you too.

History is full of fools who went to the grave taking pride in being the most virtuous loser. If souls existed, I'd GLADLY sell mine in a second to see the looks of excruciating agony smeared across the faces of MAGA dipshits as everything they cherish is destroyed.

I know this is controversial, but I'm against cannibalism. By golly, if someone consumed human flesh, I sure would think negatively of them. I'm also against hurting puppies and kittens. Now, applaud my bravery as I bask in my own air of moral superiority. Fucking dipshits.

Graham Platner denies all allegations and announces he is "taking time to reflect on the best path forward." He still has time to be replaced (not long though), but what a massive fucking shitshow. The ratfucking never ends.

It was surreal watching Trump parade the oldest living military veterans he could find for stage dressing, apparently raiding hospices. Vets LITERALLY over 100 years old wincing in pain as caretakers carted them out to be used as props for MAGA's carnival of the grotesque.

Ignoring the absurdity of his accusations, Trump is the best sales person that communism has ever had. Flapping his necrotic jowls foaming about government handouts while his crime family pillages ours coffers. I can't help but think "Fuck it. What the hell do we have to lose?"

Explosives and gluttony galore. Nothing more American than dipshits stuffing their faces and accidentally blowing their dicks off with fireworks. Congrats to all those who earn Darwin Awards today. Happy 4th of July.