Tessera
Folgen

The Takoma Torch 🔥🐓

@takomatorch.bsky.social

Takoma Park's ONLY Humor Source. Home of the Nimbee and Takoma Man. www.takomatorch.com

268 Posts13626 Follower752 Folgt
The Takoma Torch 🔥🐓@takomatorch.bsky.social · yesterday

“Look, I’ve spent years trying to make MoCo a better place,” Elrich explained. “If that means sending our garbage to another county, I’m prepared to make that sacrifice. But if we’re talking about a permanent monument to my legacy, I think we owe it to future generations to explore every option.”

Marc Elrich Reverses County Trash Incinerator Stance After Learning It Could Bear His Name

DICKERSON, MD – County Executive Marc Elrich announced Monday that he is reconsidering his opposition to rebuilding the Dickerson trash incinerator after learning the facility could be rename…

takomatorch.com

The Takoma Torch 🔥🐓@takomatorch.bsky.social · 7d ago

“They can see property taxes, parking, zoning changes and anything that might affect the value or character of their own homes with remarkable clarity. Everything else is completely blurry.”

LASIK Surgery Recommended for Community Vision Takoma

TAKOMA PARK, MD – Local political action group Community Vision Takoma (CVT) has been recommended LASIK surgery to correct their extreme nearsightedness and help them see city issues beyond t…

takomatorch.com

The Takoma Torch 🔥🐓@takomatorch.bsky.social · 2w ago

“She’s clearly upset,” confirmed her debate coach. “Not regular upset. Rehearsed upset. She practiced facial expressions of concern and anger that voters will now never see."

Esther Wells Frustrated Will Jawando Won’t Debate After Months Practicing How to Dodge Questions

MONTGOMERY COUNTY, MD – Will Jawando has decided not to debate Republican nominee for County Executive, Esther Wells, leaving her frustrated after spending months preparing carefully crafted …

takomatorch.com

The Takoma Torch 🔥🐓@takomatorch.bsky.social · 4w ago

“We want to preserve the unique, creative, and diverse character of Takoma Park,” said longtime resident Clayton Rockwell. “Which is why we need to make sure every new business is exactly the kind of business I would have chosen.”

Takoma Park Creates Community Business Council to Decide Which Businesses Are Acceptable

TAKOMA PARK, MD – After years of residents expressing disappointment that new businesses are not the businesses they personally wanted, city officials announced the formation of the Community…

takomatorch.com

The Takoma Torch 🔥🐓@takomatorch.bsky.social · 2mo ago

“We noticed a significant increase in drivers saying things like, ‘I’m never driving through Takoma Park again,’” said a Waze spokesperson. “So we decided to make that an actual button.”

Waze Adds ‘Avoid Takoma Park’ Option Following City’s Stop Sign Camera Expansion

TAKOMA PARK, MD — Following the city’s decision to double the number of AI-powered stop sign cameras, navigation app Waze announced this week that it has added a new routing option allowing drivers…

takomatorch.com

The Takoma Torch 🔥🐓@takomatorch.bsky.social · 2mo ago

“They told me it was the voice, the songwriting, the movies, the philanthropy,” Trump said. “But I said, ‘Come on, folks. We know there were other reasons people were watching. Everyone noticed. I certainly noticed.”

Trump Orders Female Staff Shirts at Half-Staff to Honor the Late Dolly Parton

WASHINGTON, D.C. – To honor the late Dolly Parton, President Trump announced Wednesday that all female White House staffers will be required to wear their shirts at half-staff through the end…

takomatorch.com

The Takoma Torch 🔥🐓@takomatorch.bsky.social · 3mo ago

“We’ve realized that asking permission before attaching permanent objects to public infrastructure can have a chilling effect on creativity,” said one city spokesperson. “From now on, if you sincerely believe your project enriches the community, that’s really all that’s required.”

City Announces DIY Public Art Initiative Allowing Anybody to Alter Public Property Without Asking

Photo of “Uplifting Staircase” now officially owned and adopted by the Takoma Torch as of today TAKOMA PARK, MD – In response to growing public interest in altering city property …

takomatorch.com

Max Dubler 🏳️‍🌈@maxdubler.com · 3mo ago

We need a term for the rhetorical practice of inventing a theoretical marginalized person who would be harmed by a broadly-beneficial policy that you dislike because it would inconvenience you.

The Takoma Torch 🔥🐓@takomatorch.bsky.social · 3mo ago

“That’s a slippery slope. First it’s babies, then it’s accessory dwelling units, then suddenly we’re shutting down our beloved pool just to remodel the elementary school to accommodate ‘growth’.”

Long-Term Takoma Park Residents Urge Supreme Court to Reject Birthright Neighborhood Citizenship

TAKOMA PARK, MD – A coalition of longtime Takoma Park residents is urging the U.S. Supreme Court to rule that babies born within city limits should not automatically qualify as full neighborh…

takomatorch.com

The Takoma Torch 🔥🐓@takomatorch.bsky.social · 5mo ago

“As we all know, there are good PACs and bad PACs,” said Will Jawando, whose campaign is publicly-funded, and therefore, prohibited from accepting money from PACs, labor unions, or business entities. “The good PACs are the ones spending six figures supporting me.”

PAC Man: Will Jawando To Hold Anti-PAC Press Conference Sponsored by PACs

SILVER SPRING, MD – Montgomery County Executive candidate Will Jawando announced a press conference this Wednesday at noon condemning the corrupting influence of PAC money in local politics, …

takomatorch.com

The Takoma Torch 🔥🐓@takomatorch.bsky.social · 5mo ago

“We’ve heard rumors that the snack bar could soon become a ballroom,” said one Montgomery Parks employee. “Honestly, we thought it was a joke until we noticed a rendering showing the 8th hole lake as a reflection pool.”

Trump Expected to Take Over Silver Spring Public Golf Course, Rename It ‘Mar-a-Sligo’

SILVER SPRING, MD – Panic spread across lower Montgomery County this week amid reports that President Donald Trump is preparing to take over Sligo Creek Golf Course and convert the modest pub…

takomatorch.com

The Takoma Torch 🔥🐓@takomatorch.bsky.social · 5mo ago

“We’re looking at a highly authentic historic resource,” said an HPC commissioner. “There’s been some effort to modernize him over time, but the original 1960s blueprint is still clearly legible.”

Marc Elrich Granted Historic Designation, Ensuring He Remains an Elected Official Forever

TAKOMA PARK, MD – The Montgomery County Historic Preservation Commission voted Wednesday to grant full historic designation to longtime elected official Marc Elrich, effectively preventing an…

takomatorch.com