Big Pizza’s out there trying to pass off every thick crust as Detroit style. No, DiGiorno, that’s barely Sicilian.

These d*ckless Super Duty jockies are bad ass until they get stuck in a 7 point turn trying to get out of an already oversized Walmart parking space.

Streamers spent the last decade building endless libraries of low budget garbage unfit for a Blockbuster. 90% of what I scroll past before inevitably watching Stepford Wives looks like it was shot on an iPhone 6. Imagine the cinematic hellscape once AI films start generating themselves by the hour.

You just know Pete Hegseth’s browser history would make the Epstein Files blush.

Mitch McConnell looks like a Halloween decoration.

This is music’s Kaepernick moment, and Sheeran and Pink just stood proud with Trump and genocide.

To know why billionaires hoard wealth, understand the mind of a modern narcissistic sociopath sees life algorithmically, a long string of code, AI. No divinity, no uncertainty, no legacy. To them, the universe is SimCity, they’re code, and the rest of us are NPCs. And they truly believe that.

When you get to “liberty biberty” you’ve got to wonder if the marketing mascot war you started is worth your dignity, and whether all the engagement you’re getting is negative, like this.

The only people defending AI on social media are investors or rage-bait trolls.

Narcissists hate nature because it’s the only thing they can’t create, which is why Musk wants to fill the night sky with satellites and Trump wants to turn our preserves into golf courses. They’ll never know the solace of sitting alone in the woods, only the sound of a chainsaw.

Cheez Its have gone downhill since Nabisco shut down Cheese Nips. I’m not saying I like Cheese Nips, just that monopolies only benefit the salesman.

I don’t mind Christmas creep. What’s wrong is the way it vanishes on December 26th. We get nearly three months of cheerful holiday bliss beginning with the crisp colors of autumn only to have it ripped away announcing four months of cold, gray darkness.

Luckily I ordered samples when they were on sale, because Painted Paper is trash. Traditional wallpaper patterns online that translate into large, blurry pixelated contact paper in person. Ignore influencers who only show you their life in a tiny square screen. In person, it’s cheap, plastic crap.

I’m sick of white women suggesting cider vinegar for everything. Look, Meaghleyigh, your “organic garden” wouldn’t be there if Toll Brothers hadn’t soil-bombed your HOA with glyphosate before building your McMansion. You’re playing dime-store Martha in a Miracle Grow commercial. Drop the ‘tude.

The Ponce de Leóns of the Silicon Valley seem to think immortality can be found online, that their lives are nothing more than digital footprints. What sad, small lives. Such a lack of awareness, of the self, of the one thing that makes us human. So true to the sociopathy that inflicts them all.

I stopped using Google when it switched to an AI voice that sounds like Matthew Perry swallowed a box of stables, and Apple just sent me through the loading dock of a Lane Bryant to save six seconds. I was happy to switch. Now I’m even happier.

MapQuest@mapquest.com · 3w ago

They changed it.

If you want to break AI, ask it why lawnmowers are aerodynamic.

The point of nonprofit education is to teach Latin to the only kid who wants to learn Latin, not to make money. So much for the next kid who wants to be a paleontologist. Drexel’s subscribed to the Comcast model: if it doesn’t profit, don’t do it. It’s just a very expensive DeVry.

As American Universities continue to pivot towards profit driven job training, Drexel University is closing its 200 year old Natural History Museum. Apparently corporate algorithms couldn’t justify enlightening anyone not paying $63,000 a year #dinosaursmatter

The quest for fame can’t get more shameless than the actors in Rocket Money commercials. A fake interview between two guys with the charisma of an AI bot isn’t going to make either of them the next David Schwimmer.

Trump seems to think individuals like JFK are revered because their names on buildings. Rather, their name’s are on buildings because they’re revered. We shouldn’t be surprised. He’s been putting his names on buildings since 1983. That’s not normal.

Can we not? Sidewalk etiquette doesn’t have a gender, but if Vice wants to go there, let’s talk about all the mimosa-brined drunks doing their four-wide Sex and the City stride. For every man with a simple destination, there’s a flotilla of Kardashians knocking him down with a Balenciaga trash bag.

Using the word “microaggression” is just a passive aggressive way of saying someone’s being a passive aggressive c*nt, which makes using the word “microaggression” a microaggression, and anyone using it a passive aggressive c*nt.

Gens X, Y, and Z don't hate Boomers. We hate people sitting on 50 years of equity complaining about the price of bananas. Look at the average age of your neighbors and ask yourself why young families can't afford to live next door. Hint: it's not toast.

No backhanded comment is more loaded than a Christian stepsister's reassurance after reminding her you're not religious. I know it's "okay," Mandi. I wasn't confessing. And telling me you pray for me doesn't warrant the gratitude you're fishing for. Just eat your potato salad and shuffle on.

Definitive proof conservatives are idiots can be found in the fact that none ever bother to ask why their two-ton pickup truck costs less than a new Jetta.

When your conservative aunt says she wants to go back to simpler times this Thanksgiving, ask her what exactly she means. Because the slow pace of the 1950s isn’t going to be found blaring a horn in the Chick-Fil-A drive thru.

I used to wonder if evil people became ugly after being evil, or if people became evil because they were ugly. But I think our repulsion is genetically subjective: we have evolved to be repulsed by people like Trump because they are evil, the way a deer knows to back away when it smells cougar sh*t.

The GOP is wrong on immigration, but it’s a reaction to liberal policies that deliberately created bureaucratic chaos leaving millions in limbo. Unless your country has a clear and willing path to citizenship, you’re just using America’s failed policies to feel better about your own.

Apple Maps needs a “not convoluted” option. One where I’m not taken off the interstate, through a neighborhood, and behind a Lane Bryant loading dock just because she thinks it’ll save me 7 seconds.