Empire of stinkin’ camel toe farts

A modern-day version of Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close would involve Tom Hanks's character dying of COVID in March 2020, but not before indulging his son’s autism by recording racist podcasts where they talk about being gay with each other

Chugging a beer and grabbing my balls

Fenix Flexin? The only Flexin I’m doing to Fenix is the jerk-off motion I make when I talk about his AI generated music

Yes this is a New Jersey law firm that serves Philadelphia, how did you guess

There’s a guy on the train platform who’s reacting to vertical videos better than SSsniperwolf, give him 10 million YouTube subs please

Thanks to YouTube for giving me a couple ads about James Talarico. Now I don’t have to call him Tommy anymore

I just read an article on Aftermath about the FIFA World Cup tie-in game that apparently exists. It read like one of those obnoxious smarmy Gawker articles that appeal to people with sanctimonious politics and a tenth-grader’s sense of nihilism. Surely independent outlets can write better than this

The song “Honeybee” by Olivia Rodrigo is just the song “Sweet Honey Pie” by The Beatles except she sings “honeybee” instead of “honey pie”

We need to hook up Ariana Grande with one of these bad boys and she’ll be back to a decent weight in no time

I fucking hate being reminded that the podcast “Trash Future” exists

It’s proven that a salary cap in pro sports is bad for labor and good for ownership. But the status quo in baseball is so unacceptable that I’m willing to begrudgingly accept one, unless anyone has any better ideas

A toddler’s meal

I saw three men in suits on the subway platform and my first instinct was to look for LDS Church name tags. This city used to be for men

Overcoming Shyness?!

I’m glad the Dodgers are based in LA because when shit like this happens, my reaction is apathy rather than blinding rage

I know it’s rich coming from a Yankees fan like me but the Dodgers just made me not give a shit about baseball

Pretty rude

Why does the song “Dance Monkey” not include any monkey sounds? It would sound cool with some random “ooo ooo”s and “ah ah”s

Two more years and also it will be a Super Bowl commercial starring her

Influencers aren’t people@thebeernerd.bsky.social · 2y ago

By the end of next year, we’ll see a Little Caesars commercial that uses “ZOMG HOT TO GO ALL CAPS SONG TITLE LMAO” by Chappell Roan

As it’s a mitzvah to get wasted at a Jewish wedding, I decided to take a third of a Mike Tyson’s gummy ear before we got on the bus to Lakewood. After I got high, I decided to check AO3 to see how many Jack Hughes entries there were. I’m sure he’s up there for most on the site

I went to an Orthodox Jewish wedding in Lakewood, NJ for two hours. The best way I can describe the ceremony is that it’s something out of a classic Final Fantasy game (6 through 10)

Not even the Orthodox Jewish food establishments are immune to the depravity of the QR code menu

Converting to Catholicism to become trad is out, converting as a protest against AI in everything is in. Adjust accordingly

For the last couple of cycles my response to pitches to run for County Committee has been “get rid of Rodneyse first.” Now she’s no longer the Brooklyn Dems chair. I’m thrilled, I think family concerns will continue to keep me out but I can’t wait to see what comes next

New Kings Democrats@newkingsdems.bsky.social · 2w ago

We did it, y’all! We showed up, put in the work, and won—together. Join us next Thursday as we celebrate this victory, our incredible volunteers, and everything still to come.

In retrospect, pushing to get rid of Sepp Blatter was a massive mistake

I’m about 50/50 about Quinn re-upping with the Wild or playing the season without an extension. What is certain is that Russo’s narrative has changed significantly over the offseason, from a pretty much sure bet to hedging that bet instead. He’s a liar and a team mouthpiece

Michael Russo@russohockey.bsky.social · last wk.

Believe Bill Guerin will be meeting with Quinn Hughes and his camp in Michigan today/this week. As we've long reported, Wild want to go 5-8 years (7-year max term after Sept. 16 in new CBA). 3-year extension still makes most sense for Quinn so he can align with Jack's deal in NJ

Fuck golden retrievers, they’re the vanilla ice cream of dogs #NotMyDogMayor

Kissy face, kissy face, what do you see? I see red hearts looking at me Red hearts, red hearts, what do you see? I see APT looking at me

I feel like “don’t let Netanyahu into NYC because he’s a war criminal” is something my mom would say to my dad when she’d get heated about current events. Then Dad would say “they should listen to you.” So thanks Zohran for knowing how my mom vibes