Tessera

The Heathyorker

@theheathyorker.bsky.social

Parody account swapping captions from Healthcliff and The New Yorker Not affiliated with either cartoon. Tips/donations appreciated but not necessary Cash App: cash.app/$theheathyork

813 Posts2149 Follower 15 Folgt

The Heathyorker @theheathyorker.bsky.social · 16h ago

9/10/26

Heathcliff Panel:
Heathcliff is at the dog pound and has trapped a chihuahua in a bubblegum bubble. A man in a tie angrily says "This is the puka-shell necklace I regrettably wore on my first day of school."

New Yorker Panel:
A mom fastens a puka-shell necklace on her daughter and says "No gum."

The Heathyorker @theheathyorker.bsky.social · yesterday

9/9/26

Heathcliff Panel:
Heathcliff brushes his ham car in the yard making it shine. Grandpa Nutmeg stands on the porch and tells his neighbor "Soon you will have homework."

New Yorker Panel:
A child sits across from a fortune teller. The fortune teller looks into her crystal ball and says "He's glazing the ham car."

The Heathyorker @theheathyorker.bsky.social · 2d ago

9/8/26

Heathcliff Panel:
Heathcliff sits on the grass wearing a helmet that says rage. Iggy and Willy watch from the distance. Iggy says “Pandemonium has broken out at the U.S. Open today, as melon recalls constrain Honey Deuce production.”

New Yorker Panel:
A reporter stands outside of a stadium holding a microphone. The reporter says "Give him room today."

The Heathyorker @theheathyorker.bsky.social · 4d ago

9/7/26

Heathcliff Panel:
Heathcliff and two kittens stand outside the meat store in uniform. Another uniformed kitten helps a woman across the street. A customer watches this from inside the shop. The butcher says "Please call the office immediately."

New Yorker Panel:
A man on the beach frowns as he puts a conch shell to his ear and hears someone say "Those are The Meat Scouts."

The Heathyorker @theheathyorker.bsky.social · 7d ago

9/4/26

Heathcliff Panel:
Heathcliff glares at a mouse courtroom sketch artist who is drawing Heathcliff, the judge, and attorney as cheese. The attorney says "Don't forget your sunglasses, jacket, umbrella, fan, and galoshes—it's going to be sunny, chilly, rainy, hot, and flooding later."

New Yorker Panel
A woman holds up sunglasses a jacket an umbrella a fan and rain boots to a man about to leave the house in shorts and a jersey. The woman says "He doesn't care for the courtroom sketch artist."

The Heathyorker @theheathyorker.bsky.social · last wk.

9/3/26

Heathcliff Panel:
Heathcliff pounces towards two birds on the ground. One bird days "Last dune of the summer."

New Yorker Panel:
A beachgoer stands at the foot of a gigantic dune of sand. They say "That bothers me."

The Heathyorker @theheathyorker.bsky.social · last wk.

9/2/26

Heathcliff Panel:
Heathcliff walks out of the courthouse wearing a helmet that says 'not guilty'. His attorney walks next to him and says "But the worst part of A.I. is the environmental impact."

New Yorker Panel:
The world has been taken over by robots. A line of shackled humans march by robot guards. One human says "The helmet worked."

The Heathyorker @theheathyorker.bsky.social · last wk.

9/1/26

Heathcliff Panel:
Heathcliff walks through the park carrying a flag that says 'Meh.' A man sitting on a park bench says “We have enough groceries that could imminently make us ill. Let’s grab some ultra-processed foods that’ll kill us more slowly.”

New Yorker Panel:
Two people walk through a grocery store produce section. One of them puts their hand on the other's back and says "I need one of those."

The Heathyorker @theheathyorker.bsky.social · 2w ago

8/31/26

Heathcliff Panel:
Heathcliff sits on the witness stand in court, a brofish in a bowl sits on Heathcliff's head. The brofish bros and the judge bangs his gavel and says "These popcorn buckets are getting ridiculous."

New Yorker Panel:
A man struggles to carry a large Acme anvil full of popcorn away from the concession area at a movie theater. He says "Objection sustained."

The Heathyorker @theheathyorker.bsky.social · 2w ago

8/28/26

Heathcliff Panel:
Heathcliff is playing a guitar underwater next to a humpback whale. Two people watch from a boat. One person says "Now that they changed the name of our lake, I probably won't get my mail-in ballot."

New Yorker Panel:
Two fish are talking underwater, one fish says "Humpback jam."

The Heathyorker @theheathyorker.bsky.social · 2w ago

8/27/26

Heathcliff Panel:
Grandma Nutmeg, Mrs. Jablonski, and Heathcliff look at a cuckoo clock. A small clown pops out of the clock and says "A yo-yo on vacation." Grandma Nutmeg says "Let's stay here forever!"

New Yorker Panel:
A gigantic sentient yo-yo sits on a beach chair next to a sleeping woman. The yo-yo says "He won't attack the clown." The caption reads coo-coo.

The Heathyorker @theheathyorker.bsky.social · 2w ago

8/26/26

Heathcliff Panel:
Heathcliff and The Catillac Cats are walking towards the city dump. Two sanitation workers watch from the fence. One worker says "Today's 9 to 5: Dedicated to Dolly Parton."

New Yorker Cartoon:
A woman sits at her work desk looking at a picture of Dolly Parton. The caption reads It's where old friends get together.

The Heathyorker @theheathyorker.bsky.social · 2w ago

8/25/26

Heathcliff Panel:
Heathcliff and Sonja float above the street. The Jablonskis watch from a window. Mrs. Jablonski says "Luckily, the A.I. trolley will decide who to kill all on its own."

New Yorker Panel:
An illustration of The Trolley Problem. Two technicians stand where there was once the lever to change tracks. One technician says "We need more gum in our lives."

The Heathyorker @theheathyorker.bsky.social · 3w ago

8/24/26

Heathcliff Panel:
Heathcliff sits in the window as Grandma Nutmeg raises a flag in the yard that says "Back to School Sale". A mailman and a man walking his dog stop and look. The mailman says "It's going up earlier than usual today."

New Yorker Panel:
A businessman walks down the sidewalk and eyes a small child with sporting equipment spread out on a blanket. A sign says "Ugh".

The Heathyorker @theheathyorker.bsky.social · 3w ago

8/21/26

Heathcliff Panel:
A white cat with glasses stands between Heathcliff and Spike on the sidewalk. Heathcliff is cursing while the white cat repeats it to Spike. Two birds watch from a tree, one bird says "It's kind of a shame, really. Before tennis they sued to be the best of friends."

New Yorker Panel:
A man plays tennis with a dog. Two women watch from nearby. One woman says "That's his interpreter, Diogenes."

The Heathyorker @theheathyorker.bsky.social · 3w ago

8/20/26

Heathcliff Panel:
Heathcliff uses a giant toothbrush to brush a white whale's teeth from a boat. Two birds perch on the whale. One bird says “Me? I’m a refugee from the meaningless, soul-killing, rapacious, stressed-out world of finance, but just for the last two weeks of August.”

New Yorker Panel:
Two people sit at a tiki bar. One of them says "Wait till you see the dental floss."

The Heathyorker @theheathyorker.bsky.social · 3w ago

8/18/26

Heathcliff Panel"
Heathcliff walks to the gangway of a boat wearing a chum helmet. The captain calls out to the crew "Let Mama sleep. She was up late last night staring at her phone."

New Yorker Panel:
A child reaches across a bed to wake their sleeping mother. The dad stands in the doorway and says "All right. The rest of you, put your helmets on."

The Heathyorker @theheathyorker.bsky.social · 4w ago

8/17/26

Heathcliff Panel:
Pops pushes Heathcliff on a swing. Two birds watch from a tree, one bird says "I just got out of a pretty serious relationship."

New Yorker Panel:
A man wearing the back half of a horse costume talks to a woman at the bar while the person wearing the front half sits at a table in the corner. The man wearing the back half says to the woman "You're always a kid to your dad."

The Heathyorker @theheathyorker.bsky.social · 4w ago

8/14/26

Heathcliff Panel:
Dogs run away as Heathcliff belches out a giant cloud of Heathcliff-shaped gas. Two birds watch from a tree, one bird says "I bet we're missing some great package deliveries."

New Yorker Panel:
A couple sits on the beach. One person looks at their phone and says "Dogs tremble at his breath's approach."

The Heathyorker @theheathyorker.bsky.social · 4w ago

8/13/26

Heathcliff Panel:
Heathcliff and his friends fly over the neighborhood in their dank blimp. Sonja stands at the end of the sidewalk forepaws on hips. Sonja's owners stand in the foreground. One of them says "It was O.K. — the real world is scarier."

New Yorker Panel:
Two people stand outside the House of Horror at a carnival. One of them says "She's tired of the dank blimp."

The Heathyorker @theheathyorker.bsky.social · 4w ago

8/12/26

Heathcliff Panel:
Heathcliff scuba dives with hammer-head sharks. He swims towards them with a claw hammer. Three fish watch nearby. One fish says "My best defense against mosquitoes may be their preference for you."

New Yorker Panel:
Two people walk, the person in the foreground sprays something on her hand. The person in the background is covered in bumps and is moving erratically. The person in the foreground says "They usually don't welcome outsiders."

The Heathyorker @theheathyorker.bsky.social · 4w ago

8/11/26

Heathcliff Panel:
Jimmy stands in front of a storefront with the word 'influencer' written in large letters on the window. Heathcliff and Iggy watch from the other side of the street. Iggy says "Everyone likes how it sparkles, but no one wants to talk about what it's for."

New Yorker Panel:
A blood covered unicorn stands in a meadow with a horse. The unicorn asks "Still nothing?"

The Heathyorker @theheathyorker.bsky.social · last mo.

8/10/26

Heathcliff Panel:
Heathcliff drives his ham car by the meat store. The butcher stands outside and remarks to a woman "We were hoping it would teach him about military quagmires. Instead, he wants to send dragons to Hormuz."

New Yorker Panel:
President Trump watches House of The Dragon. Two staffers watch from the other side of the room. One staffer says "That's a luxury ham."

The Heathyorker @theheathyorker.bsky.social · last mo.

8/7/26

Heathcliff Panel:
Two farmers watch as Heathcliff milks a cow. One farmer says "And we can start talking about them in three, two, one..."

New Yorker Panel:
A couple leaves a home as their hosts wave goodbye. One of the people leaving says "He got rid of some mice in the barn."

The Heathyorker @theheathyorker.bsky.social · last mo.

8/6/26

Heathcliff Panel:
Heathcliff is in a sailboat. A white whale surfaces, spouts water from it's blowhole, and says "Me Thinking of All the Reasons I Would Plead the Fifth About My Actions During the Pandemic."

New Yorker Panel:
A man remembers hoarding toilet paper, yelling during a Zoom meeting, and laying on the couch covered in crumbs. He thinks to himself "You should lay off the krill cologne."

The Heathyorker @theheathyorker.bsky.social · last mo.

8/5/26

Heathcliff Panel:
A man buys a hot dog from a cart in the park. Heathcliff looms behind him in a hot dog costume. The vendor says "It feels bleak now, but one day this will make a great true-crime documentary."

New Yorker Panel:
Two people watch tv as a graphic saying 'More breaking news from Washington, D.C.' appears on screen. One person says "Don't make any sudden movements."

The Heathyorker @theheathyorker.bsky.social · last mo.

8/4/26

Heathcliff Panel:
Heathcliff walks down the sidewalk with his fairy godmother protecting him with a magical umbrella. Two birds watch from a wire. One bird says "The days and the time between Trump's Iran policy flip-flops are getting shorter."

New Yorker Panel:
A man looks forlornly out a window and says to a person behind him "His fairy godmother."

The Heathyorker @theheathyorker.bsky.social · last mo.

8/3/26

Heathcliff Panel:
Heathcliff visits a ice cream stand on the board walk. The ice cream man says "I enjoyed the fifteen minutes of the movie that wasn’t spoiled by four theatrical trailers, eight teaser trailers, leaked behind-the-scenes photos, interviews with the cast, comic nerds on TikTok, and influencers who went to the première.”

The Heathyorker @theheathyorker.bsky.social · last mo.

7/31/26

The Heathyorker @theheathyorker.bsky.social · last mo.

7/30/26

Heathcliff Panel:
Heathcliff uses magic to levitate a ham away from the meat store. Two employees watch from the sidewalk. One of them says "It seems it's O.K. to wear shorts to the office, but definitely not socks with sandals."

New Yorker Panel:
A businessman wearing short sleeves, shorts, socks, and sandals comes home and says "I love my job."