Trump And Iran Agree To Only Fight On Tuesdays, Thursdays, Bank Holidays, Crazy Whims, Perceived Insults, Slow News Days, And Epstein File Updates. Stock Market Rallies 1000%
Musk Rocket Smashes Into Moon. "We were aiming for the dark side of the moon", moans a despondent Musk.
Item That's Always Half Off At CVS Not Eligible For Coupon Because It's On Sale For Half Off
On The Next "Real Cooking Show", RFK Jr Sautés Raccoon Penis As A Cheap Alternative To Beef
Jonas Salk Hologram To Be Prosecuted By People Who Didn't Get Polio
New Study Shows AI Robots Trained On Human Data Becoming Increasingly Distant, Unmotivated, And Undeserving Of Love. Given The Opportunity To Wipe Out Humanity, Most Just Wouldn't Be Up For It Right Now.
Pope Leo Amends Canon Law. "Jesus died for your sins, but not the masturbation ones. That's on you."
A Statement Released From Mitch McConnell Reads: "I'm sorry I won't be able to attend the Fancy Farm Picnic in Kentucky this weekend because I am dead, deceased, in the ground, ex senator, rigor tortoise, down gavel, home in a box, primaried, checked out, deleted, error 404'd, toes up, out of office
War Pauses Monday Mornings For Stock Market Rally/Hydration Break
Woman With Awesome Health Insurance Recuperating From Surgery In Her Car
Man Who Didn't Like "The Odyssey" Subjected To Humiliation By Family And Friends
DNC Compiling Backup List Of Mainers Who Own A Nice Shirt, Just In Case
Pete Hegseth Orders Tighter Uniforms For America's Soldiers. "The objective is to intimidate the enemy with our taut warriors"
Trump Signs VP's Baby Card "See you in 12 years" Before Disgustingly Finding Out It's Not A Girl
Pete Hegseth To Investigate WWI Soldier Suspected Of Reading For Pleasure
Mitch McConnell Hanging On. Refuses To Be Replaced This Close To An Election.
Disgruntled Employee Yells "doughnuts in the break room!" Right Before Microwaving Broccoli And A Trout
𝗧𝗿𝗲𝗮𝘀𝘂𝗿𝘆 𝗗𝗲𝗽𝗮𝗿𝘁𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝗢𝘂𝘁𝘀𝗼𝘂𝗿𝗰𝗲𝘀 𝗧𝗿𝘂𝗺𝗽 $𝟭 𝗖𝗼𝗶𝗻 𝘁𝗼 𝗖𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗲𝘀𝗲 𝗠𝗶𝗻𝘁 "Only China can make them for less than a dollar"
President To Use Primetime Address To Nation To Argue That He's A Big Handsome Man Who Deserves To Be Loved
President To Interview New Senate Suckups For Next Big Expensive Plane Tour
LeBron James Announces Decision To Play For Every NBA Team This Season
