BREAKING: Trump announces North America to be renamed America America
When I was a kid, a food recall was when you thought fondly about grandma's rhubarb pie.
⠀ ⠀ ⠀ 🤠 🇨🇦🇨🇦🇨🇦 🇨🇦 🇨🇦 🇨🇦 👇 💰 🇨🇦 👇💰 🇨🇦 🇨🇦 🇨🇦 🇨🇦 👢 👢 howdy, i'm the canadian tariff sheriff.... again
I just went to see The Odyssey and, as a literature aficionado, I'm glad they mostly stayed true to Shakespeare's original text.
More like found rotting in a Ditch McConnell amirite??! [Oops, had this one locked and loaded and pressed send accidentally]
We don't have a "4th of July" in Canada so see you Sunday.
Now that the world's soccer superpowers (Brazil, Canada) have secured their spot in the Round of 16, let's see what other schlubs get through.
*kicks the can* *kicks up a fuss* *kicks the habit* *kicks some ass* *kicks up a stink* *kicks the bucket* *gets cut from the soccer team*
[team tryouts] Coach: You really knocked that one out of the park. Jimmy: Thanks Coach!! Coach: This is soccer.
[School band tryouts] ME: They say I have perfect pitch TEACHER: Oh really? Show us what you got *I throw a baseball right into the tuba*
KID: Where's grandma? DAD: She's in a better place now KID: Canada?
[blind date] HER:What's your biggest goal in life? ME: Hm, that's a tough one but probably 8th grade…soccer. I headed one right in the net
Mbappé is my favorite French soccer player/Hanson song.
In Australia, the toilet paper unfurls behind the roll.
[alien singles bar] ALIEN GUY: Hi ALIEN GIRL: My eyes are way over there
If you play Beethoven's 5th Symphony backwards you are playing it the wrong way.
ME (as a police sketch artist): Is this him?...
DARYL HALL VOICE: 🎵 Oh-oh, here she comes, she's a man voter...🎶
Political polls@politicalpolls.bsky.social · 3mo agoNew - Democrats take the lead among man voters 🔵 Democrats 38% (+2) 🔴 Republicans 36% Last poll - Republicans +7a YouGov #A - Man V - 6/1
My old Swedish car is starting to break down but I won't bore you with my Saab stories.
Scientists at the Federal Helium Reserve indicate they're storing a billion cubic meters of helium gas. It's a lot funnier when they say it.
I know it's World Goth Day but I'd like to give a shout out to all the local and regional Emos.
If you or a loved one has been convicted of seditious conspiracy, you may be entitled to financial compensation.
A young Garfield watches from under a porch as his mother is ripped to shreds by a stray pit bull. It was a Monday.
ME: Let me get this straight...you're saying my knee-bungle-bingle is starting to tingle, which means my sacra-ma-bilic has gone full arthritic? Are you even a doctor? DR. SEUSS: Your question is good, and I do have an answer, but first let me finish, you also have cancer.
Cinco de Mayo is barely over and they're already playing Ocho de Junio music at the mall.
RICKY MARTIN: 🎶 Livin' la Vida Loca...🎵 ME: In this economy?!
[shoe store] ME: Do you have alligator shoes? CLERK: Sorry, we consider that to be animal cruelty {outside} ALLIGATOR: So did you get them? ME: Uh...they didn't have your size
Earth: Goodnight Moon Moon: … Earth: I said ‘Goodnight Moon’ Moon: … Earth: Look, I don’t choose which days they celebrate Moon: whatever