We finally got the results of Dad’s autopsy and I know it’s not the point but I’m still a little offended that they said his anus was “unremarkable.”

Had to leave work to rescue my kid from a piece of playground equipment. He’s got his old man’s risk aversion down pat already.

Sometimes there’s nothing wrong with enjoying the low-hanging fruit.

Drank my bedtime fiber serving too fast and some backed up into my nose, so 2024 can fuck off into a drainage ditch already.

My kids tablet just popped up an ad for Reacher season 2. It’s inevitable.

Racing the kid with the cart retrieval engine in the Target parking lot to an open parking space, because I don’t WANT to launch him into the back end of a Hyundai Kona, but I WILL.

Drove 16 hours through intermittent snow to get home yesterday, feeling increasingly crappy the whole way, only for 2 home tests to scream “COVID!!!!” at me. This holiday strain isn’t titting around.

The 2 year old just shouted the alphabet at me the entire time I was trying to go to the bathroom. The last bastion of my sanity has been breached; pray for me.

Random parts of my house are making weird sounds when the wind gusts and I feel like I’m going to end up in a fantasy land or a ditch.

Charging my headphones with a dodgy wireless charging pad bought off AliExpress for $4 so the radiant heat in my ear canals will help loosen up the wax for cleaning purposes.

If my kid isn’t going to listen when I tell him to go potty before we walk to the park, he’s gotta learn to piss on a tree without hanging his whole entire ass out.

There’s an on-site vaccination clinic at work today, set up near my desk. Gonna ask the other guys if they’re feeling period cramps suddenly just to see who bites.

Kid just sneezed while housing a tube of Gogurt and I’m strongly considering finding Jesus.

I’m going to end the weekend either covered in bruises from a toddler MMAing me in the middle of the night, or with hip dysplasia like an old black lab from laying on the floor to get him to sleep in his own bed.

@mobute.bsky.social I’m both (semi)Irish AND a non-poster, yet I somehow sneaked past your defenses! I hope it keeps you up at night, knowing I’m out here green-ing up the joint but not talking about it!