Goldblum voice: Poop, uhh, smells stinky
Tito, also seen on HBO’s “Euphoria”
@titoreloaded.bsky.social
From my mouth to Gods ears. I was TitoMahalo on Twitter
I have covid again and my head is so filled with boogers it feels like it’s gonna fucking explode. Also I have toothache in every tooth? Wahoo
When you see someone playing Mario Kart as Mario it’s like what’s your fucking deal man. Do you think you’re the main guy
Sorry I can’t do anything today I just found out my walls are full of electricity
People saying Tim Pool donating $250k to Musk is the craziest bootlicking he’s ever done but they’re forgetting about this
Joker voice: im like a dog driving a car
PSA that it’s no longer dangerous to deep fry your frozen turkey they fixed that whole thing you can do that now actually and it’s fine
Getting that haircut guys get when they start watching Peaky Blinders for the first time
Me as an esports announcer: wow, player two just got absolutely owned. player one is owning. My cohost: searing analysis. Anyway- Me: (cutting him off) player one is owning, but he has been owned before. He has even been pwned on two different occasions
My favourite part of building a new Spotify playlist is choosing a Viper album cover to use as the art
Erm hush sweetie that’s a bong not a Michael phone
Your boyfriend looks like he doesn’t preheat the oven. He thinks he can caramelise onions in 15 minutes
Things people like about me: my hubris
Whenever I’m reading the news about the new grim scenario of the day and start scrolling the comments I’m more and more convinced we’re not supposed to be talking to eachother this much. It was right to destroy the Tower of Babel
Automatic reply when you try to text me: Sorry, I’m currently unavailable as I am dealing with a treacherous djinn
You should be watching Shiey and Gifgas on YouTube. They make trainhopping and urban exploration videos around Eastern Europe with incredible cinematography and they’re ad-free which is super admirable. Shiey’s Chernobyl videos are feature length, ad-free masterpieces. youtu.be/S_NsueHWrfw?...
ILLEGAL FREEDOM: Winter Journey Across Chernobyl Exclusion Zone
PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/shieyREDDIT: https://www.reddit.com/r/shiey/INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/shieyfreedom/TWITTER: https://twitter.com/s...
youtu.be
How I sit waiting for you to realise you’ve been poisoned
In ancient times they would chase bison off cliffs and the beasts would fall directly onto the plates of hungry diners waiting below
There’s not enough ads on this platform so I’m gonna do a plug for chips right now. Eat chips they’re crunchy and tasty and salty you should buy some chips today
I kinda want to get a camping chair and post up in front of those “man scented” soaps that are like bacon or whiskey and lawn clippings scented and just watch who buys them
If men menstruated you would be able to get pads with like NASCAR patterns on them or just a picture of Vin Diesel holding one doing a thumbs up on the package
Just found out that the racing events often shown in the Fast and Furious franchise are canonically called Race Wars
I live my life a box of chocolates at a time - The Fast and the Forrest
Search engine for babies called GooGoo
Ron DeSantis waddling out on stage squashed to just inch tall with his shoes sticking out to either side after an anvil gets dropped on him right before his appearance
DeSantis doesn’t seem like a real person at all. It’s like he wandered out of an old Looney Tunes cartoon. His campaign appearances are marred by frequent clashes with an anthropomorphic road runner
It would be so scary if some zookeepers were beating you up and you heard one of them say “let’s do the same stuff we do to the monkeys to this guy”
