Fruit of the Goon

I’m like if a 47-year-old white dude had access to the internet

I wished I loved anything as much as dipshits love driving into flood waters

Replying with “shit like this is why the left isn’t taken seriously” to everything

Going out for Halloween as the trolley

One of the largest police forces on earth, but he can’t arrest a war criminal, curious

Imagine if your child was one of the people murdered by ICE and then your Democratic senator said we shouldn’t even impeach the people people who did it, and we have to let the president “save face”

It’s weird that no one seems to be able to track down this Netanyahu dude anywhere and arrest him

You can have a pizza delivered right in the middle of a job interview

We need a living history museum town with reenactors and all that shit that’s set in the 1980s

A “joan” is a female “jawn”

In the 80s, you could find a decent love shack within 15 miles of your home. Nowadays, you have travel well over an hour to get to some soulless corporate fuck palace smdh

Back in the day, a can opener was a profession, not a utensil. There’d be a guy who’d go around to all the houses and open cans for people, much like the iceman delivering ice or the knife guy who sharpens knifes

Looks like we’re not here for a good time OR a long time actually

These animatronics are $1500 at Halloween adventure

There should have been a line of games based on Kubrick movies

Our government lied and denied her benefits. Never forget.

The only time you call it “New Or-LEENS” is when you’re singing about it

Your skeets are meeting expectations

Can’t wait to save on all these 9/11 sales

Man, I could have solved this without AI. But, as usual, no one asked me first

ICE dipshits aren’t getting their sign-on bonuses, but voters will definitely be getting $5k from Donnie Deals

They should have those Clydesdales praying to Mecca every 9/11

If George Washington had known we’d relinquish the muppets to the most unimaginative people on earth I don’t think he’d have bothered crossing the Delaware

Be prepared to hear a lot about the 9/11 dry-jackers tomorrow

I was not aware that conservatives had seethed for so long at the fact that so many bodies of water did not properly reflect the primacy and superiority of the United States in their naming

I was worried that the oil companies didn’t have enough money

If anyone tries to talk to me at work on Thursday I’m going to tell them that im observing a day of silence for Charles kirke

Jack off all trades

I’ve seen way too many motorists ignore speed limits, blow through stop signs, and just drive recklessly in general, they need to be removed from the roads immediately