Mine entire life, mine tax was levied to fight wars in distant lands I've no claim nor connection to, for aims I have no choice in. What if, perchance, the coin collected by our fair city was used to improve our city?

Contrary to popular belief, Bard's College doesn't teach music. The name of the founder was Bard.

Belay this; it was a spirit of some sort. One of the watchmen imbibed it, and revealed it was a "potion of intoxication".

Town Guard@townguard.bsky.social · 2d ago

Alrighty alchemists, riddle me this. A clear potion, smells faintly of herbs. Isn't water not tea. Evil wizard who had it won't say what it be. Any guesses?

Alrighty alchemists, riddle me this. A clear potion, smells faintly of herbs. Isn't water not tea. Evil wizard who had it won't say what it be. Any guesses?

These devils art always sending imps to tell me that mine mount's extended warranty is about to expire.

I hath heard the hero "xxslayer67" hath defeated the demon lord and saved the realm from ruin. But- Why did his mother name him that?

Aye, ser. I know that those rocks thou hath handed me are not gold coin. Thou made no attempt to hide the casting of illusion upon them. Thou did it right in front of me. I know not if this idiocy even counts as bribery. Thou hath given me naught but rocks.

In an effort to raise additional funds for the town watch, the noble council hath asked all members of the watch to perform a small thirty-second advertisement upon arrival of any town guard to a crime. Thou mayest subscribe to Watch + for a pittance of a fee to avoid any such delay to thy service.

Were I Odyssessus I'd simply not get lost at sea. Instead, I'd probably drown I'd wager

If thou parked thy mount outside the Twisted Knot Tavern, thou hath left thy lantern on.

I'm jealous of sea folk. Wish the watch had its own shanties.

Weak Guard Threat: "Never should have come here!" - Cliche -Obvious -Sounds just like a bandit Strong Guard Threat: "I'll throw thee from the ramparts!" - Reminds the criminal of our wonderful wall - Spectacle adored by adults and children alike

Mathota@mathota.bsky.social · 2mo ago

Weak Wizard Threat: "I'm going to kill you with fireball" -Cliche -Obvious -Overdone Strong Wizard Threat: "You'll be tetris when I'm through with you" -Essoteric -Befuddling -Disarmingly flirtatious

Look at them fools. That's the way thou doth it. Play the lute upon the MTV. Nay, that be not working. Coin for nought, and maidens free.

Some of the cleric-folk hath registered complaints that the watchmen are drinking while on shift. Aye??? The sun is oppressive these summer months. What doth thou expect us to do? Faint???

Inquisitors just passed the gates. If thou hath any undeclared magic trinkets, best to hide them away. They'll start screaming of witchcraft with so much as a sniff.

A three-headed angel with a flaming sword just appeared before the ramparts and spake: "the nightmare wizards hath escaped the scourge realm". And the Town Watch doesn't know what that means. (Other than it sounds not in our jurisdiction.)

"we are in the middle of a campaign" Aye and I'm in the middle of mine shift, adventurer, so thou art going to have to wait in line.

No shooting arrows into the sky. They all end up somewhere. Incidentally, one be in Watchman Duffy's foot.

Hopeth I for a good day of work. (Mine post be upon the ramparts of the Fort of Bad Days)

"I took psychic damage" Aye I do every day, we call it 'Day Shift'

I hear the vampyre Lord Mitch McConnell hath returned to his grave to slumber.

In case you're curious, if a noble ever convinced the court to lay off the town watch, our Union contract has agreed to become sellswords and overthrow that particular noble.

Whatever sungod you worship, please tell them we're getting too much sun and to tone it down a little bit.

When the goode missus kirtle fit just a mite snugger 🥵🥵🥵🥵

The lords say if we toil harder, society shall reward them greater. Which is odd, I find, as the lords seek to toil not.

The well is now demanding that a paladin of some gnomish God be brought forth to negotiate with it. Best we understand is that it's somehow become a golem or perhaps gained sentience (our mage knows not). The well is closed today. Get thy water somewhere else.

Town Guard@townguard.bsky.social · last mo.

Alright folks. We've said it before, but we'll say it again. Do not simply dump unused potions onto the ground. That runs unto the well-water and this happens.

Alright folks. We've said it before, but we'll say it again. Do not simply dump unused potions onto the ground. That runs unto the well-water and this happens.

Town Guard@townguard.bsky.social · last mo.

The well is haunted again.

The well is haunted again.

Got some witch trials going on. Oh wait. I mean to say, the local witch is on trial for theft of a wagon. Not that she is being tried for being a witch (of which, she is).

Really gotta ban corner tables in the tavern. Always some rogue lurking back there.