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MONTRÉAL CUTIES! are you in a band? do you play music? i'm available to take photos!!! if you want to support a queer freak and get dreamy portraits of your performance hmu. 💌 shvdder.bvg@gmail.com 📷 instagram.com/shvdder.bvg

Is anyone still kicking around here or are we all moving back to threads and twitter? Feel like my network’s been pretty quiet lately

My body is a machine that turns penises into ejaculated penises

She Phillin herself with my Collins till I can feel it in the air tonight

One thing about guys on Grindr is they gonna be named Alex

Guy: (In a thick Eastern European accent) Yes, you lick daddy's balls Me: ...Did you just self-refer as daddy

Had car sex with a guy I found out was an intelligence operator the other day. After he nutted in me I said, “thank you for your service,” and he said, “thank you for paying my taxes” lmfao kill me

Never underestimate a woman with $50 in her pocket and nothing to lose 🖤

Nu pics ~ sorry for the long silence, been busy being a burnout of monumental proportions

Was workshopping a list of Top 10 White Women yesterday how am I doing so far

Porno version of Mr. Robot called Mr. Brocock. Starring Ron Jeremy as Elliot Balledherson and Rob Diesel as Tyrone Swelldick

Men on FetLife not being a bunch of disgusting fucking idiots challenge: impossible

Just saw Citizen Kane for the first time. Coldest take imaginable: it is a very, very good film

My sister has a poster about fern life cycles on her wall but it’s all wrong so I relabelled it #botany #botanymemes #plantmemes

I have only watched a single episode of The Office in my life and it gave me a panic attack, I could barely finish it. I understand why people find it funny, but as someone who's worked many (Not Good) office jobs, it just felt like being stuck in a terrible day at work

I was put on this earth to do two things: spreadsheets and spread *it* on the sheets. Autism x Premarital

Realizing that sleep deprivation is perhaps the only thing these days that gets me feeling kinda frisky. I was just awake for 50 consecutive hours, seeing double, and I very nearly downloaded Grindr. Took the shortest of naps and went, “now, why would I ever want to do that?”

The more first names a trans woman uses, the less she can be trusted. If she uses four and at least one of them is “Lilith,” safety guidelines suggest that she should not be permitted to operate a stove without supervision

Reality TV show idea: you air drop me into a random rural Quebecois town with no maps, no information, and about $30 to spend on ingredients, and see how long it takes me to whip up a serviceable doner pita

My Instagram algorithm appears to have surmised that I enjoy looking at images of quirky alternative women. It is correct

Went to a goth store the other day that I used to shop at all the time and realized I’m not super into the style anymore. Found myself saying “this is pretty but there’s too much ornamentation” or “the text is cringe” or “the fabric sucks.” Think I’d rather be simple and comfortable than stylish.

The other day, I ordered a breakfast plate with two hash browns and a muffin. What I received was a breakfast plate with one hash brown and two muffins. I truly believe that since Christ, none have suffered as I have

This year has turned out to be far more interesting and exciting than I had hoped

It only costs about $60 to make a great night, but it’ll cost you at least $200 to save a bad one.

Tomorrow, we'll be throwing down with our pals in Pyrocene Death Cult and STAB at this insane live metal/drag/burlesque event! It looks like it's gonna be an incredible night, can't wait to see you there ~

I think that approximately 37.3% people would do well to consume either far more or far fewer drugs than they currently are

🖤❤🖤❤🖤

Not me texting my dealer on the bus, then opening a web browser to look something up and the first thing that pops up on my screen is a porn tab I forgot to close. Keeping it real classy here

I do not think that I will ever visit the United States again. I will, perhaps, re-evaluate in approximately ten years. Until then, no thank you. Apologies to all three of you who live there and have been looking forward to seeing me perform