Introduce yourself as what almost killed you: Hi, I’m that guy in the red Firebird who changed lanes at high speed without looking and sent you rolling across three lanes of the 134 freeway. Hi, I’m that deadly rockfish you almost stepped on in Tahiti until your guide suddenly shoved you away.

👻@0x0.sigint.team · last wk.

Introduce yourself as what almost killed you: Hi, I'm [redacted], from Shannon, Ireland Hi, I'm Osama bin Laden's friend Hi, I'm a superbike on a bend, traveling towards a truck that's on the wrong side of the road Hi, I'm a bullet from the gun of a Dutch criminal Hi, I'm your mother ... etc

post a meme made by you

Amy Hoy@amyhoy.bsky.social · last wk.

post a meme made by you

What even is money?

dissected@trepanation.bsky.social · 2w ago

hey i have an idea. let’s make life too expensive. no one will ever do anything about it

May every terrible thing this 28-year-old woman has said and done continue to haunt her for the rest of her days.

I write for movies and TV and have told some pretty crazy horror, sci-fi, and crime stories in my day. But this shit? This shit is just wayyy over the top.

ICE to spend $20M on gloves designed to deliver painful electric shocks

The gloves must be applied directly to someone's skin to deliver a pain stimulus that typically helps an officer gain compliance within seconds

independent.co.uk

Why exactly is the Pedo in Chief so dead set on screwing with childhood vaccines? Explain it to me like I'm a kid who's had all my shots.

ROCK & ROLL VOCABULARY LESSONS: Let’s talk about new words we first learned from pop and rock songs. I’ll go first: INCLEMENT /inˈklem(ə)nt/ adj. - severe, stormy, or unmerciful. “The willow turns his back on inclement weather…” With A Little Luck - Paul McCartney & Wings

I always liked Foghorn Leghorn. Because he was a blowhard with a thick Southern drawl— but you could still tell he was the smartest rooster in the room.

Sophia_Nyx 🐰@sophianyx.bsky.social · 3w ago

Name your fav cartoon character.

I don't want to give you any more feedback about my recent car rental. I rented it, I drove it, I brought it back, and I paid for it. Then when I handed you the keys... you asked me if I was happy with my rental... and I said yes. Our work here is done.

Film you’ve watched more than six times with a gif.

Willy Wonka's Condescending Look

ALT: Willy Wonka's Condescending Look

static.klipy.com

Randi Mayem Singer@rmayemsinger.bsky.social · 3w ago

Film you’ve watched more than six times with a gif.

“Please hold for Andrew Dice Clay…”

Jesse Hawken@jessehawken.bsky.social · 3w ago

Studio execs are going to want to adapt more poems for the big screen now

Julie Christie in Dr. Zhivago.

Dawn@502eire.bsky.social · 4w ago

there is a recurring prompt around what’s the best that anyone has ever looked on camera and I never have an answer but I’m watching right now and I think it’s gotta be George Clooney in Ocean’s 11

“Verify your age” When I was a kid, my dentist didn’t wear gloves and I could feel his calloused fingers on my gums.

David A. Smith@davidasmithphotos.bsky.social · last mo.

“Verify your age” My pediatricians used to smoke pipes in their office as they would meet with patients after the examination.

There's a trashcan behind my bar. And four out of five times I go to toss something into it-- no matter how careful I try to aim-- I miss. It's absolutely maddening. Also my country is being run into the ground by heartless dipshits, so it's possible I'm overreacting to the whole bar trash thing.

I’ve got a really bad feeling about this.

Post a poster you used to have in your room, apartment, or house.

Adam Mallinger@bitterscriptreader.bsky.social · 3mo ago

Post a poster you used to have in your room, apartment, or house.

Forget sharing the last picture you saved, I want to see the very first picture on your phone. My daughter Clementine was only 2 when I took this. She’s 28 now. But still the most casually fashionable person I know.

Hey Chelousy@chellybreeze.bsky.social · 3mo ago

Forget sharing the last picture you saved, I want to see the very first picture on your phone. Scroll back until your fingers bleed.

I’m sorry… but this may be one of the most Onion-esque headlines I have ever read.

A professional cornhole player and quadruple amputee is arrested for murder

Dayton Webber, 27, is accused of shooting a man in his car during an argument. He has shared his story of becoming a pro athlete after losing his arms and legs to a childhood bacterial infection.

npr.org

I miss The Outfield. And I know we’ll always have their catchy catalogue of power pop music to enjoy. But I hate it when artists simply cease to exist and great voices fall permanently silent. What band or musical artist do you miss?

I did the best I could to stop this 30 years ago.

Josh Kovensky@joshkovensky.bsky.social · 4mo ago

RFK Jr clears path for minors to use tanning beds www.latimes.com/science/stor...

This. And don’t even get me started on the texts. I’m done.

Molly Knight@mollyknight.bsky.social · 4mo ago

Political candidates should not be sending out more than one email a day, every day, asking for money. Especially seven months from an election. Uncle.

Another parent of three here. Totally agree. Don’t have ‘em if you don’t want ‘em. But you can’t have any of mine. Especially for your trumped up wars.

Max Kennerly@maxkennerly.bsky.social · 4mo ago

As a parent of three kids, who I adore and I absolutely would not change a thing, let me be blunt: DO NOT HAVE KIDS IF YOU DO NOT WANT KIDS. DO NOT HAVE KIDS OUT OF ANY SENSE OF OBLIGATION TO ANYONE ELSE. You are not doing the world a favor. You are manufacturing a bad situation for them and you.

Lasers. And neon. And fireflies. Just a dark room where you could pay to see lasers and neon and fireflies in every direction.

Michael Druker 🇨🇦@mdruker.app · 4mo ago

Take a break from the discourse and quote this with a business you would want to start if you could afford to lose money on it

Saw @politicsgirl.bsky.social in the wild this weekend and fanboyed a bit, ngl.

In the late 80s, I was driving a convertible Jeep and pulled up next to another one just like mine at a red light. Only it wasn’t just like mine – because it was driven by Drew Barrymore in a sundress. She looked at me with a wink and a smile as the light changed – then blew me a kiss and drove off.

Nome@nome.bsky.social · 4mo ago

What's a moment from your life, out of context, that's straight from a movie? I'll start - in Tokyo, looking for a quiet place to eat lunch, I sat down in a graveyard. The biggest goddamn raven I've ever seen in my goddamn life landed on a stone next to me. At her insistence, I shared.

Look, I don’t know about any of this. But I do know I’m exhausted by the never-ending parade of: “Why are you still on Facebook? Why are you still on Threads? Why are you still on X? Why are you still on Spotify? Why are you still on ChatGPT?” Honestly, WHY ARE ANY OF US STILL ON F$?#ING ANYTHING?!?

Imani Gandy@angryblacklady.blacksky.app · 4mo ago

WHY ARE YOU STILL ON SUBSTACK. if you're a big creator particularly, you will legit make more money on beehiv. and you won't be asking your readers to pay revenue to a site that promotes literal sex traffickers and pushes Nazi content to your goddamn phone. i'm gonna lose my mind

Just smacking my head as I read some of the chat comments during the live NASA feed of Orion's trip around the moon. If you truly think any part of the Artemis 2 mission is fake (not to mention past lunar missions)-- you've got absolute pop rocks for brains.

Many years ago, I went to see the great @colinhay.com at the OG Largo in Los Angeles. The opening act was a comedian I’d never heard of named @pattonoswalt.bsky.social. And by the time he finished his bit about Paas Easter Eggs, I was in literal tears of laughter and have loved the guy ever since.🐣

Patton Oswalt@pattonoswalt.bsky.social · 5mo ago

Happy Easter you crazy bastards! youtu.be/U0LzsThR2eI?...

Saw PROJECT HAIL MARY. Absolutely loved it. But as a Stubs member, I have to ask you a serious question, @amctheatres.bsky.social. Why do you run your own trailers selling us what we already bought? There’s a trailer about the quality of your laser projection— but who cares? We’re already there. 1/3