Tessera

Occasionally Trots and Bonnie

@trotsandbonniefan.bsky.social

Chronicling almost every single bit of Trots and Bonnie and other National Lampoon material. Not run by or affiliated with either Shary Flenniken or National Lampoon.

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Occasionally Trots and Bonnie @trotsandbonniefan.bsky.social · 22h ago

National Lampoon's "Vacation!", July 1983

[Bonnie is standing in the middle of the kitchen entrance with a dark, empty stairway behind her.]

BONNIE: I'm scared. I had a bad dream.

BONNIE: I was all alone. It was cold and dark. Nobody cared about me.

MOM (disapprovingly): That's nonsense. You shouldn't let a stupid little dream disturb you.

BONNIE (clutching the side of the recliner, unsure): Daddy? I'm afraid nobody loves me.

DAD (misogynistically): Well, maybe you'd have a boyfriend if you would dress like a normal young lady.

BONNIE (desperately): Kathy? I had a horrible nightmare that won't go away.

KATHY (annoyed at being awoken): I told you to stay out of my room! You hopeless little baby. You are pathetic!

[Bonnie walks out into her large but empty front yard in the middle of a cold, dark night and cries out loud.]

BONNIE: Wwaaahhh!

NEIGHBOR 1: What's that racket?!
NEIGHBOR 2: Shuddup!
NEIGHBOR 3: Go inside!
NEIGHBOR 4: Haven't you got a home?

[Bonnie stands stunned at the less than warm response of her neighbors. She then decides to walk back inside into the relative comfort of her bedroom.]

TROTS (to a still frightened Bonnie, clutching a pillow): Nothing down here but snakes and monsters... you're welcome to join us.

Occasionally Trots and Bonnie @trotsandbonniefan.bsky.social · 5d ago

National Lampoon's "Adults Only!", June 1983

[Bonnie and a boy sit upon a tree as Trots gets it on with another dog down below.]

BONNIE: It would be nice to build a treehouse up here and pretend to be a family.

BOY: I'm not ready to get involved with anybody.

BOY: Having a girlfriend is a big responsibility. You have to hang out with her a lot.

BOY: You have to call her up and talk a lot and ask her out on dates and buy her flowers.

BOY: And you have to spend a lot of time thinking about her.

BOY: Sitting next to the same person, day after day, on the school bus... what a trap.

[Their conservation is interrupted as Trots loudly reaches his climax inside of another dog.]

BOY (holding Bonnie): Let's go steady.

Catalina [flamecon panellist]@fairywarriorcat.bsky.social · last wk.

An homage to the "Trots and Bonnie" comic strip containing what I would consider trademarks of the strip: menstruation, anxiety freak-outs, horniness, and effortlessly fluid cartooning.

Occasionally Trots and Bonnie @trotsandbonniefan.bsky.social · last wk.

National Lampoon's "South Pacific", May 1983

[Bonnie and Trots look longingly in front of Pizza and Video Heaven, an arcade.]

TROTS: I love video games... I never get tired of playing Smurf Attack.

BONNIE: Well, it's more of a challenge when you have to play with your paws.

BONNIE (at Hair Dresser): Being at the controls just doesn't thrill me like it used to.

BONNIE (at Cold War): So the frog gets to live. Big deal.

BONNIE (at Talk Show): It's all so two-dimensional.

BONNIE: Ho hum.

BONNIE: Dum de dum.

BONNIE (humming in boredom): Mmmmmm

[Suddenly, a large explosion emanates from the Tyrant cabinet, knocking Bonnie back and alerting Trots.]

TYRANT MACHINE (increasingly more frantic): You lose! You lose! You lose!

BONNIE (in tattered clothes, pointing back): That ones really fun. Can I have another quarter?

Occasionally Trots and Bonnie @trotsandbonniefan.bsky.social · 2w ago

National Lampoon's "Annual Swimsuit Issue", April 1983

[Bonnie and Trots are sat on a couch as Bonnie works up the courage to call a boy she knows.]

TROTS: Why don't you call him?

BONNIE: It's so hard to think of what to say.

BONNIE: If I was incredibly beautiful, I wouldn't have to say anything.

BONNIE: There'd be so many boys around, I'd be tripping over them on my way to answer the phone.

BONNIE: I could pick and choose the ones I liked best.

BONNIE: They'd do anything for me, just to be near my gorgeous body.

BONNIE: They'd take care of me, They'd treat me like a princess,

BONNIE (frantically): They'd touch me and stroke me and make me feel good.

BONNIE: All I'd have to do is sit there and be adorable.

TROTS (interrupting): Sound pretty much like being a dog.

BONNIE: I guess that means I'll have to develop a personality.

[Once again, Bonnie and Trots stare at the phone until Bonnie finally calls him.]

BONNIE (trying to sit cool): Hey, Nelson. How do you feel about aggressive women?

TROTS: Now ask him if he wants to tip over some garage cans and then go for a romp in the park.

Roberta Gregory @roberta-g.bsky.social · 2w ago

‘Bitchy!’ Finds Jokes Where Many of Us Wouldn’t Dare to Look www.nytimes.com/2026/07/21/b...

Book Review: ‘Bitchy!,’ by Roberta Gregory (Gift Article)

A new compendium of Roberta Gregory’s comics does away with delicacy in the name of feminism.

nytimes.com

Occasionally Trots and Bonnie @trotsandbonniefan.bsky.social · 2w ago

National Lampoon's "Warning!", March 1983 /// CONTENT WARNING: Nudity and Foul Language ///

Occasionally Trots and Bonnie @trotsandbonniefan.bsky.social · 3w ago

National Lampoon's "Raging Controversy!", February 1983

[The panel opens with Bonnie and Pepsi sitting on a couch.]

PEPSI: Bonnie... I'm your friend... I gotta tell you... you are terminally passé.

PEPSI (holding a record): What is this! You throw a party and expect people to listen to The Beach Boys!?!

PEPSI (pulling on Bonnie's outfit): And this outfit! Out! Out! Out!

PEPSI: Vienna sausages on toothpicks? Cheez whiz?

PEPSI (throwing Bonnie's stuff into the firepit): There's nothing like a ritual burning to make you feel like a new woman!

BONNIE (covering herself): Now that I don't have any clothes or records or food for my party, what do I get?
PEPSI: What do you mean, "What do I get?"

PEPSI: Bonnie, these are important matters of taste. It takes time to develop panache.

PEPSI: I can't do everything for you.

PEPSI (comforting a sobbing Bonnie): Oh. Okay. I'll loan you some stuff.

[The panel shifts to Bonnie's party as a row of guests in exactly Bonnie's previous outfit shows up. Bonnie dressed in Pepsi's loaners looks in frustration at Pepsi.]

GIRL: Bonnie! I hardly recognized you!
BOY: Could we turn this music down? It's giving me a headache.
BOY 2 (speaking to Bonnie): Do you have any Cheez Whiz to put on this celery?
TROTS: The thing I love about my coat is knowing that it'll never go out of style. What I don't like is that I have to wear it while it's being cleaned.

Occasionally Trots and Bonnie @trotsandbonniefan.bsky.social · 3w ago

National Lampoon's "Fresh Air Issue", June 1980 /// CONTENT WARNING: Nudity and Accidental Death ///

[The panel opens with a top-down view of Bonnie, Pepsi, and Trots walking through a luxury retirement complex.]

PEPSI: This retirement condominium is really youthifying my grandparents.
BONNIE: Why is it surrounded by barbed wire?

[Bonnie pulls Trots' leash to prevent him from pooping on the pavement.]

BONNIE: There's no place for Trots to ca-ca.
PEPSI: There's an official pooh-pooh spot around here somewhere.

[Bonnie and the gang arrive at the designated "Canine Comfort Area" which is covered with various dog poop-related warnings.]

PEPSI: You're right, Bonnie. This place is pretty tight-ass. Let's go swimming and loosen up!

[Bonnie and Pepsi head off to the sauna.]

PEPSI (while undressing herself): It's okay to get naked... everybody's at the bingo game.

PEPSI: What a life! No wonder they need guards at the gate to keep the rabble out.

[Pepsi senses Bonnie and Trots are not thrilled with their sauna stay and decides to go to the pool and cool off.]

PEPSI: Now for a refreshing plunge!

[Bonnie and Trots jump into pool and find that it is rather cold.]

BONNIE: Yaahh!
PEPSI: It's a bit chilly... I'm gonna warm up in the jacuzzi!

[Similarly, Bonnie finds the jacuzzi to be quite warm.]

BONNIE: Hot!
PEPSI: Sure! That's why they call it a hot tub!

[Pepsi gets out of the hot tub to adjust the settings to be a bit more comfortable for Bonnie.]

PEPSI: I'm turning on the bubbles and turning up the heat!
BONNIE: Wow!

PEPSI: Aa a a h h. Nothing could bring me down now.
BONNIE (worried): Your grandparents are coming.

[Much to their alarm, Pepsi's grandparents arrive to the hot tub with their old-fashioned swim suits and wear.]

PEPSI'S PA: We're going to join you girls.
PEPSI'S GRAN: Bingo always wears us out.

PEPSI'S PA: My my... it's hot in here. You girls shouldn't stay in too long if you're not used to it.

PEPSI'S PA: Gracious! I hope this heat doesn't throw off my pacemaker out of whack. Let's all get out.

[Pepsi's grandmother starts turning red and soon keels over, much to the shock of everyone else.]

PEPSI'S PA: Don't just sit in there! Run to the infirmary and get the doctor!

[Bonnie and Pepsi shamelessly try to sneak out of there without helping Pepsi's grandmother. As they do, her grandfather sees that they are nude and also keels over prompting Pepsi to attempt CPR.]

TROTS: Maybe if you'd put on your clothes on he'd start breathing again.

PEPSI (in mourning clothes): Now who's gonna send money at Christmas?
BONNIE: Don't feel too bad, Pepsi. You inherited their condo.
TROTS: But she has to be sixty before she can move in.

Occasionally Trots and Bonnie @trotsandbonniefan.bsky.social · 4w ago

National Lampoon's "Tenth Anniversary Issue", February 1980

[The panel opens with Bonnie and Trots on some sidewalk somewhere.]

BONNIE: I think I'm getting old, Trots.

BONNIE: I get up, go to school, come home, find some excuse to not do my homework... I watch twenty year-old reruns on TV 'cause there's nothing new happening these days... and go to bed early 'cause I'm tired all the time.

BONNIE: Nothing really interests me anymore.

BONNIE: I look at all this stuff in the store windows... and there's nothing I want.

BONNIE: I don't want to go out and play...

BONNIE: I don't want to visit my friends... they all seem boring and vapid.

BONNIE: Even people I see on the street seem surreal and weird...

BONNIE: ...They look like they're wearing grotesque masks... shallow, painted-on smiles... eyes rolling in dull surrender to imbecility.

BONNIE: Look at this poor jerk! What an ugly. pathetic creature... he should be put to sleep. He looks, like he's asking to be put out of his misery.

MAN (eagerly right in her face): Hey! I just want to tell you... you're beautiful. Really beautiful.

MAN (waving goodbye to Bonnie as he goes on his way): Have a beautiful day!

BONNIE (looking into a store display): Oh Trots! Look! Electric Disco roller skates! I want 'em!

Occasionally Trots and Bonnie @trotsandbonniefan.bsky.social · 4w ago

National Lampoon's "Fantasy", January 1980

[The panel opens with Bonnie and Pepsi attending a protest march against pornography.]

BONNIE: I don't think I hate dirty books... but I haven't read enough of them to know.
PEPSI: Think of pornography as symbolic rape, Bonnie... Women Who Hate All Prurient Publications is opposed to every form of literary sexual abuse.

BONNIE (disappointed): Does that mean I have to hate pictures of naked boys, too?
PEPSI: Maybe this incredibly perceptive poem they've asked me to recite will make it all clear to you.

PEPSI (pointing to the crowd): "When you mentally undress me...

PEPSI: ...Be sure to take off my armpit shields and my 'Light Days' panty liners...

PEPSI: ...Take off my girdle and my garter belt and my support hose...

PEPSI: ...Remember to remove my training bra and my nursing bra and my push-up bra with the 'Fiber Fill' cups...

PEPSI: ...Take off my taffeta slip with the adjustable shoulder straps... and my briefs with the cotton crotch...

PEPSI: ...Take off my undershirt and my thermal Long Johns...

[The crowd starts to turn against Pepsi's poem.]

PEPSI: ...While you're at it, don't forget my sanitary napkin belt and my new beltless maxi-pads!

[A mob of angry protesters climb onto the stage.]

PEPSI: ...Peel off my sweatsocks [sic] and my shoulder holster..."

[The mob grabs Pepsi and proceeds to relentlessly tussle her.]

PEPSI: Hey! Ow! Wait! Stop! No! Yikes!

[Finally, they literally kick Pepsi off the stage. Bonnie manages to catch her mid fall, both tumble onto the ground.]

BONNIE: Wow. Beaten by your own troops.
PEPSI: Must have been a splinter group.
TROTS: Women Who Happen to Abhor Poetry.

Occasionally Trots and Bonnie @trotsandbonniefan.bsky.social · last mo.

National Lampoon's "Comedy", October 1979

[The panel opens with Bonnie's mother vacuuming outside Bonnie's room. She enters Bonnie's room, revealing a room in total disarray. She starts fixing it up when she decides to take a look in Bonnie's drawer. While making it look neat, she stumbles upon a magazine Bonnie had stashed away. Her curiosity gets the better of her and she starts to read which gradually reveals why Bonnie probably stashed it away. Unsurprisingly, this upsets her!]

[She starts frantically rummaging through the drawer for more of her literature, which she eventually leaves with. A little later, Bonnie enters her rooms and leaps onto her bed contently. Eventually, she notices her ajar drawer. She takes a quick look in and discovers that her hidden literature gone.]

BONNIE: Oh no! Where's my Hard-On Magazine!? Where's my copy of Patty's Prurient Pets? And Homo Orgy?!

[The panel shifts to Bonnie's parents in bed. Bonnie's father is annoyed by his wife 's reading in bed with a blanket above her head.]

DAD: You're keeping me awake, Jane! What are you doing under there?!
MOM: Reading.

Occasionally Trots and Bonnie @trotsandbonniefan.bsky.social · last mo.

National Lampoon's "Fall Potpourri Issue", September 1979

[The scene opens with Bonnie reading a book as her mother comes in and chides her.]

MOM: Oh, Bonnie... I see you're not doing anything...

MOM: Umm... I have something to tell you... and it's going to be very pleasant for either of us.

MOM: Someday... you'll discover some uh... blood... uh... between your legs.

[Bonnie looks at the reader stunned.]

MOM: This is something that happens to all girls when they're about thirteen or so..

MOM: It's probably the worst thing that ever happens to a woman 'til she gets married.

MOM: Anyway... it's the end of childhood... and the begining [sic] of thirty or forty years of worrying about getting pregnant.

MOM: This stuff... it's not really even blood... it's the lining of your... uh... womb... fluid and waste matter.

MOM: It'll flow out for about a week... then it'll come back again and again every month for almost the rest of your life...
'til you're used to it...

MOM: ...Then it'll stop... and you'll be old.

MOM: Here's a little book called Growing Up and Liking It.

MOM (hand to her head): It hurts, too.
BONNIE (timidly): Thanks, Mom.

BONNIE: Do you want to read this?
TROTS: I'll wait for the movie.

Occasionally Trots and Bonnie @trotsandbonniefan.bsky.social · last mo.

National Lampoon's "Vacation!", August 1979

[The panel opens with Bonnie and Pepsi exploring the floor of the Spiritualist Church Psychic Fiesta.]

PEPSI: Don't expect any revelations, Bonnie... think of it as a chance to spend fifteen minutes talking about yourself.

[Pepsi gestures to Bonnie to follow her into the tent of some clairvoyant palm reader. Bonnie is clearly hesitant.]

PEPSI: It's cheaper than psychoanalysis!

[Bonnie overhears the conversation of passersby who just came out of the tent.]

WOMAN: And then she said, "You're never too old to tune in on the infinite."

PEPSI: He said I have the hands of an artist, and I should meditate, and eat less sugar.

PEPSI: Go on, Bonnie... you'll like this guy. He's real perceptive.

[The man holds tight onto Bonnie's laid our palms, as if he's actually trying to get even a small whiff of the infinite.]

PALM READER: I can't seem to get a reading...

PALM READER: Please! Clear your mind! All you are thinking of is sex!

PALM READER: I see you alone in a bedroom masturbating... I see you mentally undressing people.

[Bonnie is understandably freaked at the clairvoyant's seemingly accurate readings. Caught off guard by the seemingly unending stream of sex thoughts in Bonnie's mind, he kicks her out of the tent.]

PALM READER: This is disgusting! You are obsessed with sex!

[The panel shifts to Bonnie and Pepsi recounting their experience with the palm reader in the relative comfort of a suburban backyard.]

BONNIE (utterly amazed): Wow! That's amazing... he knew exactly what I was thinking.

TROTS (performing a paw reading on his lady friend): You will be coming into heat soon... you should return to me then for further advice.

Occasionally Trots and Bonnie @trotsandbonniefan.bsky.social · last mo.

National Lampoon's "Sports", July 1979

[The panel opens with Bonnie and her parents waiting in a rather long line for the Royal Fork Smörgorama buffet.]

MOM: Oh, Bonnie! They have your favorite tonight... roast beef!

DAD: Oh, good! There's still plenty of carrot and raisin salad left!
MOM: And creamed herring!

DAD: Eighty-three kinds of salad! For $4.95, you really get your money's worth!
MOM: Take lots of mushrooms.

DAD: Hot rolls! Cornbread! Bran muffins!
MOM: Tuna noodle casserole!
BONNIE: Ugh... boiled peas, boiled corn, and boiled broccoli.

MOM: Take some mashed potatoes, Bonnie... they taste good with the turbot.
BONNIE: I like the macaroni lasagna better.

DAD: I can't wait to dig into those Swedish meatballs and fried chicken wingettes!
BONNIE: Oh, boy! A whole vat of chocolate mousse!

[The panel shifts to a table as Bonnie and her parents dig into their select choice of foods.]

MOM (surprised): Jell-O? You got Jell-O? You can have Jell-O at home!
BONNIE: But it's good here... it's got canned grapes in it.

BONNIE: I like to mix the Chop suey with the hamburger stroganoff.
MOM: Hmmm... now I can't tell the tamales from the egg rolls.
DAD: Gosh! Great goulash!

[Bonnie gets up to get more food at the counters before her parents stop her.]

DAD: Oh, Bonnie, if you're going back for more mousse, will you bring me some garlic bread?
MOM: And more sweet and sour ribs!

BONNIE: I know it's just cool whip mixed with cocoa... but it's best mousse I've ever had!
DAD: Can I finish your Spanish rice?
MOM: I'll trade you for a fish stick!

[The scene shifts to outside the buffet as the MacFarland family get ready to leave in their car.]

BONNIE: Whew!... I was so hungry when we got here... and I'm so stuffed now. I was only happy for a brief period in the middle.
TROTS: Sort of like sex.

Occasionally Trots and Bonnie @trotsandbonniefan.bsky.social · 2mo ago

National Lampoon's "Kids", June 1979

[The panel opens with Trots crazedly barking at the viewer. It is then revealed that Trots was just trying to defend his car a couple of old ladies outside.]

TROTS (thinking): Guarding is tough work... I could use a drink.

TROTS: Whew! It's hot in here! Why didn't I get a drink before we left home?

TROTS: They've been gone for hours... how long does it take to try on training bras?

TROTS: Why did I want to come along anyway?... That was really stupid.

TROTS (overheating): I'm hot and bored... I could have stayed home and slobbered on the picture window.

TROTS: I don't think I'm gonna make it... 'wonder if they bought any Perrier?

TROTS (pawing at groceries): What have they got here?... Bread... bagels... cookies... spaghetti... bananas... hmmmm... orange juice.

TROTS: Hey! Frozen steaks and lamp chops! And frozen peas! They feel nice and cool.

TROTS: Phew! That's better!

[Trots relaxes as he lets these items cool him down, oblivious to Bonnie and her mother in the distance.]

BONNIE: Trots! You bad dog! You got in the groceries!
MOM (irritated): There's fur all over these steaks!

BONNIE: See if we ever let you come shopping with us again!

[Trots pants and flashes a great big smile, much to the ignorance of Bonnie and her mother.]

Occasionally Trots and Bonnie @trotsandbonniefan.bsky.social · 2mo ago

National Lampoon's "International Communism and Terrorism Issue", May 1979 /// CONTENT WARNING: Nonconsensual kissing and mentions of blood and gore. ///

[The panel opens with Bonnie and Trots walking towards the entrance of a movie theater for a date. In the distance, a dorky, poorly dressed guy is seen waiting for Bonnie.]

TROTS: How could you consent to a date with bubblebutt?...
BONNIE: Who wants to go to the movies alone?
TROTS: He makes you pay your own way.

[Bonnie and the boy walk up to the attendant.]

BONNIE: Two, please.

GEEK: Oh boy! I've been waiting to see Night of the Psychotic Razor Fiends ever since it was condemned by the Reader's Digest!

GEEK: Look at the size of that blade! Wow! They're thin-slicing the baby!

[The geek grasps Bonnie's hand.]

GEEK: Oh! Hold my hand! She's buried alive in a coffin with one of the fiends!

GEEK: Incredible special effects! The bedroom looks like blood soup!

[Bonnie starts to feel queasier as each new terrifying scene comes and goes.]

GEEK: Terrific! He's cleaning her like a fish!

[The geek wraps his arm around her neck and pulls her closer to him in utter glee as he fixates on the gruesome scenes, much to the disgust of Bonnie.]

GEEK: I don't believe it! Intestines can't be that long!

[Without her consent, the geeks pulls Bonnie in for a long and deep kiss. Yikes, dude! Bonnie recoils and makes an excuse to go to the bathroom as the unrepentant geek grins insanely at her.]

BONNIE: Excuse me... I have to go to the bathroom!

[Bonnie meets up with Trots outside the theater and vents about her experience with the geek.]

TROTS: Walked out, eh?
BONNIE: It was horrible and nauseating... but the movie was great.

Occasionally Trots and Bonnie @trotsandbonniefan.bsky.social · 2mo ago

National Lampoon's "April Fool!", April 1979 /// CONTENT WARNING: Nudity ///

[The panel opens with Bonnie calling for Pepsi as she gets ready in her green room, the girl's restroom.]

BONNIE: You're on in five minutes, Pepsi!
PEPSI: I'm almost ready.

[The panel shifts to the stage as Pepsi presents herself at the "Parade of Stars" talent show.]

PEPSI: This is my poem called "Power."

[Pepsi proceeds to completely undress herself by taking off her paper outfit. Unravelling the dress, she reads it line by line.]

PEPSI: So you think because I wore pink booties, I'm not good at math?...

PEPSI: You think because I shave my legs, I can't change a flat tire...

PEPSI: You think because I can get pregnant I shouldn't talk dirty...

PEPSI: You think because I don't wear a jockstrap, I can't drive a forklift...

PEPSI: You think because I play with dolls, I can't fire an M-16...

PEPSI: You think 'cause I have lace on my underpants, that I don't like to drink beer and watch football...

PEPSI: You think because my tits stick out that I don't have wet dreams...

PEPSI: You think that 'cause I don't have hair on my chest that I can't fight back?...

PEPSI: You think because I have nothing dangling between my legs that I'm not as tough as you?...

PEPSI: Well, surprise. surprise, I have a penis hidden deep inside me!

PEPSI: It is sleek and strong...

PEPSI: And I use it to screw those who would have me spend my life in the kitchen...

[The panel shifts to Pepsi's body once again, revealing that Pepsi has been reading from a roll emanating from her vagina. A heap of uncurled paper pools haphazardly below her. ]

PEPSI: I use my secret prick to impale those who think of me as a baby machine!...

PEPSI: The throats of big-mouthed sexist pigs will be the receptacle for my enraged sperm.

[Agitated, two people swiftly come to take her off the stage, much to her protests.]

PEPSI: Hey!
BONNIE (dumbfounded): That was a long poem...
TROTS: And a wet one.

Occasionally Trots and Bonnie @trotsandbonniefan.bsky.social · 2mo ago

Another obscure Trots and Bonnie sketch I dredged from the depths! Anyone have a clue where this might be from?

Occasionally Trots and Bonnie @trotsandbonniefan.bsky.social · 2mo ago

Sorry for the delay, I lost power for a couple of days due to some incredibly stupid people -D.B. National Lampoon's "Chance", March 1979

Occasionally Trots and Bonnie @trotsandbonniefan.bsky.social · 2mo ago

Second part from "Trots & Bonnie Meet the General's Daughter" in Dopin' Dan #1, 1972(ish)? // It turns out there's a scan of Dopin' Dan on IA lol. I don't know how I missed that. Please enjoy the latter half of this wonderful strip! //

GENERAL'S DAUGHTER (holding several glass eyes): See? Aren't they nifty? Durable too! Those chinks make amazin' stuff!

BONNIE: I was just admiring this lovely coffee table...
GENERAL'S DAUGHTER: Oh yeah, Daddy brought that back from Vietnam.

GENERAL'S DAUGHTER: Solid mahogany, with inlaid Viet-Cong skull. Pretty design, isn't it?

GENERAL'S DAUGHTER: How do ya like the German helmet flower vase? It doesn't hold much water 'cause of the bullet hole.

GENERAL'S DAUGHTER: But it goes nice next to the tattooed lampshade. They're both antiques, very rare!

BONNIE (a little freaked out): Does your Daddy bring you... uh... toys?
GENERAL'S DAUGHTER: Well, I like to play with...

[The girl opens a cabinet, pulling out a small mask of a goateed guerilla head, much to the shock of Bonnie and Trots.]

GENERAL'S DAUGHTER: ...This shrunken guerilla head!

BONNIE: Hey! That's far out!

[Bonnie puts on the mask.]

BONNIE: Look!
GENERAL'S DAUGHTER: Oh goodie!

BONNIE: Grrrr! Off all the imperialists pigs!!
GENERAL'S DAUGHTER: I'm gonna get my machine gun!

[As Bonnie walks around with her guerilla mask, the girl's mother comes in. She is shocked and appalled by the sight of Bonnie in her living room.]

BONNIE: Kill the Yankee dogs!
WINNIFRED's MOTHER: Winnifred?! Did anyone call while.... EEIIKK!! Good lord!

[Bonnie then proceeds to walk into the table and trips on it, sending her into freefall.]

BONNIE: Oops!
WINNIFRED'S MOTHER: Oh, no!

[Her fall and the resulting impact completely destroy the beautiful, mahogany coffee table and everything else on it. Bonnie looks up to Winnifred's mother with an sheepish smile. Suffice it to say, she is not amused.]

WINNIFRED (hand covering her mouth): Ulp!

[Bonnie and Trots are swiftly kicked out of the house. As they walk away, Winnifred's mother's berating are heard.]

WINNIFRED'S MOTHER: How many times have I told you to keep your Commie friends out of here!?!

[The sound of a hit is made.]

BONNIE: Poor Winnifred...
TROTS: ...Crying her eye out.

Occasionally Trots and Bonnie @trotsandbonniefan.bsky.social · 2mo ago

Excerpt from "Trots & Bonnie Meet the General's Daughter" in Dopin' Dan #1, 1972(ish)? // I couldn't find a "decent" and "affordable" copy anywhere so I'm relying on this partial scan I pulled from an muddy source online. You'll just have to accept it as is, sorry!" //

BONNIE (hesitantly): Hi! Can I join the game?
GENERAL'S DAUGHTER (playing with marbles): Sure! ... As long as you don't win..... I'm the Generals' [sic] daughter!

BONNIE (on the ground): My, this is a strange marble. I've never seen one like this before.
GENERAL'S DAUGHTER: That's my eye.

[Bonnie ,looking directly at the reader, puts her hand onto her stomach, clearly queasy as Trots blankly does the same. At the same time, the girl opts to just pop that eye right back in.]

GENERAL'S DAUGHTER: Genuine hand made porcelain from Hong-Kong. 'Rolls better than an Aggie!

GENERAL'S DAUGHTER: Daddy brought me six of 'em. 'All different colors! Wanna see?
BONNIE: Why not?!

[The girl invites Bonnie inside her home, although they'll have to use the back door.]

GENERAL'S DAUGHTER: This way... children and servants hafta [sic] use the back door. C'mon.

[As they make their way up the backstairs, the girl turns her back to Bonnie and warns about the following.]

GENERAL'S DAUGHTER: Your dog can come in, if he doesn't make a mess on our antique Persian rug.

[Bonnie calls for Trots, who is currently peeing on a racist "Jocko" statue (look it up!) informing potential guests that the house is a wheelchair residence.]

BONNIE: Here Trots!
TROTS:: Hmmmm.... quiet fellow.

[The group make it inside of the girl's kitchen.]

GENERAL'S DAUGHTER: Mother usually makes guests take off their shoes before coming in.

GENERAL'S DAUGHTER: But she and Daddy are still at the officer's club celebrating, 'cause we won the army-navy game again.
TROTS: That game ended last Saturday.

[The panel shifts to girls heavily decorated and furnished living room.]

GENERAL'S DAUGHTER: Guests aren't allowed upstairs,. so you wait here while I get my eyes.

[Getting a bit impatient, Bonnie decides to touch the glass coffee table.]

Occasionally Trots and Bonnie @trotsandbonniefan.bsky.social · 2mo ago

National Lampoon's "Heterosexuality", February 1979

[The panel opens with Bonnie and Trots strolling on the sidewalk when Bonnie suddenly spots a talking bird atop a bird stand labeled "Talking Bird", by a pet store.]

BONNIE: Oh, Trots! A talking bird! He'd be the perfect pal for you!

[This piques her interest enough for her to take a quick look inside, leaving Trots with the bird.]

BONNIE: I'll go in and see how much he costs.

BIRD (looking down at Trots): "I think the first prerequisite to civilization is an ability to make polite conversation." W.H. Auden
TROTS: "Knowing when to keep your mouth shut is more important opening it at the right time." Malcolm Forbes

BIRD: I never met a man I didn't like. Good things come in small packages. Mmm.. mmm... good! You... you never looked so good. You... asked for it... you got it!

[Trots hangs his head down.]

BIRD: Excuuuuse me... I'm a wild and crazy guy. Slim away inches. Here's lookin' at you, kid. Look out for number one. Save your own life. Life is unfair.

BIRD: We're bullish on America. I think they should give it back to the Panamanians! We stole it fair and square. Give 'em hell, Harry! Down with the Shah! Who killed the Kennedys?

BIRD: A diamond is forever. Made with all natural ingredients. It's the quicker picker-upper. Don't leave home without it. A name you can trust. Say it with flowers.

BIRD: The quality goes in before the name goes on. Help shrink swelling of hemorrhoidal tissues! Get your act together. Get off my case. May the force be with you.

[Trots is visibly annoyed at this point, waiting for Bonnie.]

BIRD (singing): Last dance... last chance for love. You light up my life. Heeere's Johnny!

[Fed up with the bird's repetitive slogan glib, Trots decides to get rid off it through violence. He puts his paws on the window sill so he can reach and kill that annoying bird. At that very moment, Bonnie finally exits the store.]

BONNIE: Whew! Let's go, Trots... that bird costs three hundred dollars!
TROTS: Hmmm... interesting. 'Tasted like chicken.

Occasionally Trots and Bonnie @trotsandbonniefan.bsky.social · 2mo ago

National Lampoon's "Depression", January 1979

[The panel opens with Bonnie in her therapist's office.]

BONNIE: My parents think I might be autistic because I don't talk to them. Anymore.

THERAPIST: This a common adolescent phase... but you must have someone with whom you can share your feelings.

BONNIE: Mostly, I talk with my dog... he's smarter than my parents.

THERAPIST: Well, well it's very nice that you have an active imagination... however... this talking dog is a fantasy you must outgrow.

THERAPIST (getting up from his chair): It's time to emerge from the sheltered world of little girls and dogs and enter a mature world, full of exciting responsibilities and life crises.

[The therapist walks around his desk and leans directly in front of a nervous Bonnie.]

THERAPIST: Forget this nonsense about talking to doggies... what would a doggie know about careers? Or homemaking? Or, most important... human relationships?

[The therapist bows his head closer and tightly grips Bonnie's right hand. Bonnie is clearly uncomfortable with this and curls up.]

THERAPIST: No doggie can reach out... communicate... share your tender initiation into womanhood...

[Suddenly, a phone starts to ring, momentarily interrupting the therapist's advances. He picks up the phone and talks.]

THERAPIST: Yes... she's here. We'll be finished in a minute... I'll tell her.

THERAPIST: Someone named Trots says for you to meet him out by the fire hydrant.

[The panel shifts to somewhere outside near a fire hydrant as Bonnie talks about her experience with the therapist.]

BONNIE: What am I gonna do, Trots?... He says next ek he's going to introduce me to womanhood.
TROTS: I can't help you... my veterinarian says I'm not supposed to talk to you anymore.

Occasionally Trots and Bonnie @trotsandbonniefan.bsky.social · 2mo ago

National Lampoon's "Food & Festivity", December 1978

[The panel opens with a bird's-eye view of Bonnie, Pepsi, and Trots selling cookies door-to-door in suburban Magnolia.]

HOUSE 1: We can't buy these cookies... they're full of preservatives.

HOUSE 2: Girl Scout cookies? I'm sorry. We no longer consume sugar.
HOUSE 3: Girl Scouts?! Ha! You're F.B.I., aren't you!? Aren't you!!

PEPSI(?): I feel like we're trying to sell poison.
BONNIE(?): If we don't get rid of these cookies, we'll have to eat 'em all ourselves.

[Bonnie and the Gang approach another home.]

BONNIE: We could give them to Trots... he loves cookies.
TROTS: They're bad for my fangs.

[As soon as Bonnie and Pepsi make it to the front door, the man residing within opens it to greet them both.]

MAN: I might be very interested in your cookies... but you'll have to convince me that you really believe in your product.

[Bonnie and Pepsi enter the man's home, placing down their bags, as they try to follow the man's demands.]

MAN: First... take off your clothes and see how many cookies fit in your mouth at one time.

[Bonnie and Pepsi comply and are now completely nude. The man then commands them to do increasingly uncomfortable actions which they tentatively follow.]

MAN: Balance a cookie on top of your head and jump up and down.

MAN: Put the cookies between your knees and walk like geishas.

MAN: Now... find the cookie I've hidden in a secret place on my body.

[The panel shifts once again to a shot just outside the front door. A concerned Trots is forced to listen to shenanigans occurring inside the home.]

MAN: Let's see if your cookies go limp in a steamy bathroom!

[A while later, an ecstatic Bonnie and Pepsi, in various states of undress, run out from the home, hooting and hollering.]

PEPSI: He bought all our cookies!
BONNIE: We've earned our merit badges in saleswomanship!
TROTS: You now have a great future ahead of you... as Avon ladies.

Occasionally Trots and Bonnie @trotsandbonniefan.bsky.social · 3mo ago

OOC: I don't want to feel like I've been living under a rock but when the hell did the Sinfest guy start making fucking pro-pedophile Nazi shit?

Occasionally Trots and Bonnie @trotsandbonniefan.bsky.social · 3mo ago

National Lampoon's "Goofy-Time Fun Mirror", November 1978 /// CONTENT WARNING: Mentions of Bombs, Plane Hijackings, and Explosions ///

[The panel opens with Bonnie's marching band in line at the airport.]

PEPSI: Just think! In twelve hours we'll be in Vienna winning the Johann Strauss Eighty-Fifth Annual Battle of the Bands!
BONNIE: Boy! I thought we'd never sell all the candy bars it took to finance this trip!

[Bonnie and Pepsi stand behind a large sign that reads, "Warning! Air Piracy is not a laughing matter! It is unlawful to joke or make references to hijackings or related criminal actions. Offenders will be prosecuted. FAA. Reg Sect 40??. Bonnie and Pepsi look towards each other with mischievous grins.]

PEPSI: Say! Did you hear the one about the hijacker's mother-in-law? She made 'em take the plane to Miami Beach.
BONNIE: Hee!

PEPSI: How many Pakistanis does it take to hijack a jet? Two hundred to fill up the plane and one to write the ransom note.
BONNIE: Ooh! Hoo Hoo Ooo!

BONNIE (laughing): Oh please sir could you take this plane to Cuba or should I shoot myself?

BONNIE: What's purple and carries grenades in its combat boots? Yassir Aragrape!

PEPSI: What did the South Moluccan terrorist say to the pilot? Nothing! He didn't recognize him 'cause he was wearing sunglasses!

PEPSI: And then there was the Mad Bomber who mailed five sticks of dynamite to his nearest relative and smuggled his insurance policy onto the plane.

BONNIE: What costs ten million dollars and blows up?!!

[Bonnie and Pepsi are reduced to fits of snorts and wheezes at their plane jokes.]

PEPSI: Whew! Yawk! Snuck!
BONNIE: Har Har Hoo Snort!

[Behind them, a stern and angry looking security guard(?) [Look, I don't really understand how airport security worked before 9/11. I'm like 19, okay?] appears.]

BONNIE: Hey... if I take my gun on the plane, do I have to sit in the smoking section?

[The guard lifts a cackling Bonnie and Pepsi away towards their holding cell as the rest of their band looks in shame.]

PEPSI: Oh! Hee! Yuk Yuk Yuk!
BONNIE: Hee Hee Hee Hee Hee Snok!

[Through a couple gaps in the barred window, Trots relays some information about the band.]

TROTS: The rest of the band says they're not really mad that you made them miss the plane and lose the contest... and they'll bail you out as soon as they sell enough candy bars.

Occasionally Trots and Bonnie @trotsandbonniefan.bsky.social · 3mo ago

National Lampoon's "Entertainment", October 1978

[The panel opens with Pepsi talking to Bonnie on the job at her uncle's drugstore.]

PEPSI: Sure, the job market for teens is tight... but there's always room for an imaginative go-getter in sales work.
TROTS: It also helps if your uncle Eckerd owns a drugstore.

PEPSI: With sheer merchandising expertise... I can sell half the store to someone who comes in to use the phone!

[At that very moment, a boy around their age enters the stores to buy condoms.]

TEEN (awkwardly): Uh... excuse me... I'd like a twin pack of Uneeda rubbers, please.
PEPSI: Oh, please... allow me to introduce you to our modern line of precision engineered pleasure sheaths.

PEPSI: They not only protect you from vicious diseases and tragic pregnancy... but now they're specially designed to provide a cornucopia of erotic delights!

PEPSI (stretching out a rubber): For instance... this vulcanized double belted radial for greater traction! In assorted colors to suit your mood.

PEPSI (sensually holding a ribbed condom): Perhaps this "Pleasure Bump" model... made from the natural membranes of ulcerated sheep!

[The boy and Bonnie are visibly grossed out by this.]

PEPSI: How about these unique "Hollywood Celluloid" condoms?... "Starwars" with little R2D2 on its tip... "Jaws" with a fin... and the latest, "Grease"!

PEPSI (pulling his face directly into hers): I myself could really go for a man who buys this generously lubricated, extra long, banana-scented tickler with thousands of raised rubber studs!

[Predictably, Pepsi shirks her responsibilities and goes off with the boy to use the upsold product, leaving Bonnie and Trots to man the counter.]

PEPSI: Hey, Bonnie! You can have my job!

[Bonnie and Trots comedically decide to utilize the condoms in the manner of circus balloons, inflating and shaping them into various kinds of animals and objects. They litter the counter in a delightful fashion while only being marketed with a makeshift sign that reads, "buy these DeLightful Rubbers!".]

BONNIE (cheerfully): Utilizing aggressive sales techniques, I can sell enough of these to give hours of enjoyment and maybe get a promotion!
TROTS: Blow me a Dachshund.

Occasionally Trots and Bonnie @trotsandbonniefan.bsky.social · 3mo ago

National Lampoon's "Style", September 1978

[The panel opens with Bonnie and Pepsi perving on their male classmates behind the cover of the tree line.]

PEPSI (with a wide grin): Oh wow! Look at those guys!

PEPSI: Look at their eyes... they're crazed with animal intensity!

PEPSI: Lord have mercy on my hormones... I love those shoulders! Those round, firm heinies!

PEPSI: And hey... check out the huge bulges in that one's pants!

PEPSI: Ooh! They tore his shirt. You can see his scars!

PEPSI: Oh gawd. He's bending over... he's spreading his legs so far apart!

[Bonnie and Pepsi become frantically more and more aroused as Pepsi goes on with her horny rant.]

PEPSI: They've got him down! They're on top of him!

PEPSI: Oh my heart! The panting! The grunting! The groaning! I'm dripping!

PEPSI: I'd like to lick the sweat off every one of them.

[The panel shifts to a scene of players engaging in a practice game of a football.]

PEPSI (presumed): Football practice is so sensual.

Occasionally Trots and Bonnie @trotsandbonniefan.bsky.social · 3mo ago

Sorry you guys, I completely blanked on posting a strip today, I've been busy lately. It'll come tomorrow but to make it you, I'd like to share this (admittedly) very annoying novelty song by the guy who wrote "Spirit in the Sky", mentioned in Nov. 1972! youtu.be/vRFo72wuU6w?si=LznPqVGG6_2unXhZ

1966 Dr. West’s Medicine Show and Junk Band - The Eggplant That Ate Chicago (mono 45)

YouTube video by The45Prof

youtube.com