So farewell prime minister Starmer, Who quit after weeks of high drama Saw followers spurn 'im In favour of Burnham, Regarded as more of a charmer.
Mick Twister
@twitmericks.bsky.social
There was an old fellow named Mick, A topical verse was his shtick, But as dear old Twitter Got ever more bitter He jumped to Bluesky double-quick.
A USA player's suspension, Picked up for a clear contravention, Was lifted by Fifa When Trump gave their chief a Quick bell to demand intervention. www.bbc.co.uk/sport/footba...
Donald Trump confirms asking FIFA to review ban to review Folarin Balogun red-card ban
President Donald Trump confirms he asked Fifa to review United States striker Folarin Balogun's one-match suspension at the World Cup.
bbc.co.uk
Four people in space in a rocket Had a toilet that gave them a shock: it Had lost all its suck, Which was jolly bad luck, So they called someone out to unblock it.
As NASA sent Artemis 2 To space with its four-person crew They had to confess, Though flushed with success, One thing that was not was the loo. www.space.com/space-explor...
There was a bit of toilet trouble on NASA's Artemis 2 mission to the moon
It wasn't their No. 1 problem, but it was a problem for going number one.
space.com
Research into human fertility Finds spermatazoa motility Is best in the summer, While winter's a bummer For sperm as for general virility. www.bbc.co.uk/news/article...
Sperm swim more quickly in summer, study finds
Understanding the seasonal patterns of sperm could improve fertility treatments, by optimising the timing of treatment, the reasearchers say.
bbc.co.uk
A Monaco resident, Jim, Unwisely went out on a limb And slammed immigration; The rest of the nation Would quite like some taxes from him. www.bbc.co.uk/news/article...
Jim Ratcliffe sorry language 'offended some' after immigration comments
The Manchester United co-owner previously said the UK had been
bbc.co.uk
A cow who is too cool for school Employing a stick as a tool To scratch her behind Suggests, experts find, Veronika's nobody's fool. www.theguardian.com/science/2026...
Back-scratching bovine leads scientists to reassess intelligence of cows
Brown Swiss in Austria has been discovered using tools in different ways – something only ever seen in humans and chimpanzees
theguardian.com
The fellow in charge in Caracas Was kidnapped by Trump in a fracas, A criminal act Designed to distract From problems besieging the jackass.
A royal now banished to Sandringham, Who said other people were slandringham, Is now an ex-Prince Who failed to convince King Charles Epstein hadn't been pandringham.
Oh the Grand Old Duke of York He had twelve million quid He gave it to someone he never met For something he never did
A royal accustomed to splendour Was told he would have to surrender The title of Duke By way of rebuke For being a paedo-befriender. www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2025...
Prince Andrew gives up royal titles including Duke of York after ‘discussion with king’
In statement released by Buckingham Palace, Andrew says he will give up titles and honours
theguardian.com
A list by a prominent paedo Of others who shared his libido, Which his former best Buddy hyped, then suppressed, Torpedoed the Trump-Maga credo. www.bbc.com/news/article...
Why the Epstein case looms large in MAGA world
A subset of Trump supporters are passionate about the case - and angry at the president.
bbc.com
The clerics of Bangor in Wales Collectively went off the rails, The spirit within These priests being gin, Prosecco and copious ales. www.bbc.com/news/article...
Bangor Cathedral had 'binge drinking culture' at diocese
Priests and choristers at a crisis-hit cathedral did a "seven last shots of Christ" drinking game.
bbc.com
Two buddies shared love man to man, As much as two straight fellows can, But Musk's in a K-Hole And Trump is an a-hole So now the shit's hitting the fan.
A fellow named Johan from Norway, Who lived rather close to the shoreway, Declared: "Beg your pardon, Your ship's in my garden, And damn near got stuck in my doorway!" www.bbc.co.uk/news/article...
Man in Norway wakes to find huge container ship in garden
Johan Helberg says he was
bbc.co.uk
A fellow named Johan from Norway, Who lived rather close to the shoreway, Declared: "Beg your pardon, Your ship's in my garden, And damn near got stuck in my doorway!" www.bbc.co.uk/news/article...
Man in Norway wakes to find huge container ship in garden
Johan Helberg says he was
bbc.co.uk
West African chimps in the mist Apparently cannot resist A fruit that's fermented - What makes them contented Is sitting around getting pissed. www.theguardian.com/science/2025...
Wild chimpanzees filmed by scientists bonding over alcoholic fruit
Footage of apes consuming fermented breadfruit leads researchers to ask if it may shed light on origins of human feasting
theguardian.com
A livestreamed fertility chase Has top seeds competing for pace: Which spermatazoa Swim faster or slower - It's who not comes first in this race. (Thanks to @johnthejack www.thetimes.com/us/news-toda... (£) timesofindia.indiatimes.com/science/worl...
World's first sperm race in Los Angeles brings male fertility into public spotlight | - The Times of India
Science News: Sperm Racing, a startup founded by young entrepreneurs, is set to host the world's first sperm race in Los Angeles on April 25. This unique event aims
timesofindia.indiatimes.com
A Maga merch seller from China Dismissed the Trump tariffs as minor: His fans won't think twice, Whatever the price, They'll pay it in South Carolina.
Jim Pickard@pickardje.bsky.social · last yr.now *this* is the anecdote of the day
The faraway islands of Heard, To whom Trump's announcement referred, Face tariffs, they say, Because one fine day A penguin flipped Donald the bird. www.theguardian.com/us-news/2025...
Trump imposes tariffs on uninhabited Heard and McDonald Islands near Antarctica
Australian prime minister surprised after remote external territories – including islands home to penguins – targeted by US president
theguardian.com
A force meant to tackle lawbreakers Considers extreme troublemakers Those secret consumers Of breadsticks and hummus, The dastardly Westminster Quakers. www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/crim...
Quakers condemn Met Police raid as six arrested in Westminster meeting house
Youth Demand said their members were planning non-violent protests in April when they were arrested in a Quaker meeting house
independent.co.uk
A high-up Republican chap Mis-shared on a messaging app; Despite Trump and Waltz Dismissing his faults, The dogs in the street know that's crap. www.nbcnews.com/politics/whi...
Trump stands by national security adviser Mike Waltz despite disclosure of military plans, saying he’s ‘learned a lesson’
Trump said that even though the editor of The Atlantic was inadvertently added to a private chat about military plans, his presence had “no impact” on the military strikes in Yemen.
nbcnews.com
Word ↔ Puzzles conference was AMAZING! Great cryptic and literary crowd, top speakers inc. @johnfinnemore.bsky.social @susiedent.com @alanconnor.bsky.social @djbduncan.bsky.social @ecclescrosswords.bsky.social and glad to set a Pixie clue in the Platypus crossword: mycrossword.co.uk/cryptic/2336
A theme park announced with some pride Its new toxic effluent ride; Alas the attraction Was put out of action When actual sewage was spied. www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2025...
Alton Towers’ new toxic waste-themed ride briefly closes due to sewage leak
The Toxicator closed for about an hour on its first day after a burst pipe flooded the area nearby with sewage
theguardian.com
Are Trump, and his Maga alliance, Excessively placing reliance On Elon, whose pockets Are deep, but whose spaceships Explode? Well, it's not rocket science! www.bbc.com/news/article...
SpaceX rocket explodes, raining debris from sky for second time in a row
It grounded flights in Orlando, Miami and Palm Beach after debris concerns from Starship's failed launch.
bbc.com
There was an old bully named Trump, Who got in a terrible grump, When Mr Zelensky Caused major offensky By simply not kissing his rump. www.theguardian.com/us-news/2025...
Ukraine ‘gambling with world war three’, Trump tells Zelenskyy in fiery meeting
Meeting between US president and Ukrainian leader degenerated into shouting match before being cut short
theguardian.com
A funeral parlour in China Is everyone's favourite diner As oodles and oodles Of folks taste their noodles And swear there's no restaurant finer. www.bbc.com/news/article...
Guizhou: Chinese foodies pose as mourners to try funeral home's noodles
The noodle dish, provided only to mourners, has gone viral on Chinese social media.
bbc.com
America opened discussions On war in Ukraine with the Russians; While Marco says howdy To Sergei in Saudi, Volodymyr fears repercussions. www.bbc.com/news/article...
Russia won't accept Nato troops in Ukraine, Lavrov says after talks with US
The meeting was the first time since Russia's full-scale invasion of Ukraine that Russian and American delegations are known to have met face-to-face.
bbc.com