i am driven insane in indescribable ways inherently by existing

here goes my "creativity" as i try to continue this track bye byeee!!!!!!!

i want to make music why can't i

fourth anniversary of my discovery of rain world it is the best experience that has ever happened to me in my life

efi@uefiser.bsky.social · last yr.

on this day, exactly 3 years ago, at 5 pm, i discovered rain world by randomly deciding to click on one of htwo's videos in my youtube recommendations

casualties unknown really conveys physicality and being a physical sentient being and how awful it is to be that

efi presets be like

i think it's genuinely impressive how much i happen to cling to personal possessions and order and thus feel very bad when they change in the slightest (even as simple as moving an old folder to another drive)

i think escapism is the only and last way i am able to stay sane and alive at all right now

i was casually watching a casualties unknown clip where player was treating expie injuries, and i kid you not, my body then went full vasovagal syncope because apparently it thought it was the expie

i think i need to spend many hours over many days being bored and not engaging in any activity but this is also very unpleasant and uncomfortable

i need to improve my way of playing games because right now it has become arcadelike mindless pressing of buttons to make numbers go high and/or get a win screen but i want it to feel like i'm the character and actually living through the story the fiction and gameplay provide

fuck my music making disability

this screenshot i took in casualties unknown might be a bit suspicious

new survivor discovered

i think i have what is called fear of missing out if i understood this term correctly, and in my case it applies to a game as a community phenomenon, and this is so unpleasant

14000+ music project files in 4+ years and exactly 0% of them sound good and it's still not enough to gain decent skills

their tails

efi@uefiser.bsky.social · 2mo ago

original character or something

original character or something

i oscillate so much between feeling content and feeling dread

skillfulness and wisdom are bliss and you really feel it when you get to experience both of them

i think creating characters that have minds greatly superior to humans' must be incredibly difficult because you just wouldn't know how they would behave due to their incomprehensible intelligence

so turns out "light eater" means "eats lightly" and not "eater of light" like i thought

i need to eliminate ignorance it's scary

i need to eliminate envy it's scary

drillbert from dome keeper (sorry for low skill art)

how to be good at drums step 1. download a drum loop

how am i supposed to produce art and music for projects when my skills are phantom and depend on some external divine power that appears randomly and more rarely with time than on my own experience and knowledge which normal people have. this is so painful to live with

rerendering the same track 500 quintillion times with slight changes just to achieve a non-painful mixing and mastering across the whole duration is annoying sometimes