Tessera

Velcro Candy

@velcrocandy.bsky.social

Very tall and blasphemous. Frequently NSFW.🔞 Lots of profanity and even more astrology. My only weakness is glamour. Lake Erie Selkie 🦭 Back burner🥀 Switchy Witch🧹 The Moon's little sister🌒🌕🌘 Attempting art🖋️ Icon of Sin ⸸ Thot Saucier🌶️ Fortune & Glory🐍

6482 Posts990 Follower 323 Folgt

Velcro Candy @velcrocandy.bsky.social · 3h ago

Yes, it's true. This woman has a dick. Recent selfie and doodle. Stay hydrated, eat crab rangoons, wear sunscreen, pet a cat, play Zelda. I love you all. 👻🚫👻🚫👻🚫👻

Candy, at the park eating a crab rangoon.

A ballpoint pen, watercolor, and Sharpie collage of Peter from Ghostbusters.

Velcro Candy @velcrocandy.bsky.social · 9h ago

Just eat the damn orange!

Haus of Decline@hausofdecline.bsky.social · 12h ago

There is a deranged looking man covered in blood, holding a bloody sack and breathing heavily. Two other men pass by. One says "hey man, we're gonna call 911." The bloodied man says "steamed hams." The man who was about to call the police says "oh shit. you know The Simpsons? Never mind. you're cool."

Pablo Hidalgo @infinata.bsky.social · yesterday

Old Looney Tunes with YouTube thumbnails like Yosemite Sam TOTAL MELTDOWN over Varmint

Velcro Candy @velcrocandy.bsky.social · yesterday

1 like = 1 completely dull mundane fact about me. (Your mileage may vary)

oceans_of_mona 🏳️‍⚧️@vanillablue.bsky.social · 2d ago

1 like = 1 completely dull mundane fact about me

Velcro Candy @velcrocandy.bsky.social · 2d ago

My birthday girl. Love you so much, Angel. 🖤 🎂🪿

marlo @marlo.ooo · 3d ago

chat they made something in real life that i swear to god would be a shitpost i could have come up with almost a decade ago and i need people to mail me packs immediately as little gifts. do you know how badly i need 1993 Daphne on a trading card with her lil choker and flower skirt

unfortunately for me it is a box of packs of frasier collectible trading cards, which exist in real life but unfortunately not in my gay little hands (yet)

Velcro Candy @velcrocandy.bsky.social · 3d ago

This is where all of y'all hang out. @rentanylpace.bsky.social : You're so cringe.

Velcro Candy @velcrocandy.bsky.social · 4d ago

In honor of following 321 profiles :

3-2-1 Contact Opening Theme/Intro 1983-1986

YouTube video by pressmin

youtu.be

Velcro Candy @velcrocandy.bsky.social · 5d ago

I was very impressed. That was really, really good. I figured I'd like it, but...

Velcro Candy @velcrocandy.bsky.social · 6d ago

Quote skeet yourself being a hot girl in a dress

Candy wearing a black evening gown at her best friend's wedding.
I actually look cute here I like the way my butt looks and that dress And those shoes are really adorable.
I think some people only like me because I'm such a snappy dresser and good with makeup.

Jacqueline, Subversive Tranny@jackiesupernova.northsky.social · 6d ago

qtp yourself being a hot girl in a dress

Celebelian 🦦@celebelian.bsky.social · 6d ago

greened myself

Velcro Candy @velcrocandy.bsky.social · 6d ago

It's Thorax Thursgay again.

Velcro Candy@velcrocandy.bsky.social · last mo.

Thorax Thursgay rises once again. Please be careful, Link.

Velcro Candy @velcrocandy.bsky.social · 7d ago

Get toed, Cricket.

Candy's foot, rubbing crickets, haunches.
The bris episode of Seinfeld is playing on the TV in the background Whoa, is that a Sega Saturn and Super Nintendo I see in the background?

Velcro Candy @velcrocandy.bsky.social · last wk.

Buck Moon and Buck Moon Thot Sauce. 🦌🌕 "Beff", is the sound a stag makes. "Beff" 🦌

Velcro Candy @velcrocandy.bsky.social · last wk.

Film you've watched more than 6 times, with a gif. Hard Mode: No Star Trek, Star Wars, LOTR, Marvel, Disney, or Ghibli.

Not Again Petunias

Alt: Not Again Petunias

static.klipy.com

Andy “voice of Brak” Merrill.🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️@amerrill2.bsky.social · last wk.

Film you've watched more than 6 times, with a gif. Hard Mode: No Star Trek, Star Wars, LOTR, Marvel, Disney, or Ghibli.

Velcro Candy @velcrocandy.bsky.social · last wk.

Check out my bug! Also my cleavage. She cleans up pretty well for a dame who fell asleep on the sofa and slept through two alarms this morning.

Candy, wearing a hair clip made of a plastic fly.

Robin Brooks 🔜 FlameCon G-09 @assumptionprime.bsky.social · 3mo ago

Hey hey! My name is Robin and I make comics that you should read! spellxsword.com robindraws.com You can buy and/or support my art in these places! www.patreon.com/c/RobinBrooks ko-fi.com/V7V116ZXHW robin-brooks.square.site

Comic, Six Panels

Panel 1: Dani, dressed for the date, leans against a streetlight. Radiance (faintly, breaking up): "-close enough- -hear me?" Dani: "I can't. Stop asking."
Panel 2: Pulled back, a view of the street corner where Dani waits, outside some shops. The ground is wet from previous rain. Radiance (faintly, breaking up): "-this roof- just outside- -talk but- close enough- fly-" Dani: "Oh? Strange, that."
Panel 3: Dani turns as someone speaks to her. Mira: "I hope you haven't been waiting long." Dani: "I ha-"
Panel 4: Mira, dressed for the date.
Panel 5: Dani coughs, stumbling over her words. "*ahem* I uh- I haven't."
Panel 6: Mira smirks.

comic, 10 panels
Panel 1: a human brain. Caption: My Brain, October 2020
2: two identical bearded mes, one addressing the other: "Coping Mechanism! We've got a lot of anxiety about this upcoming election."
3: other me confidently says: "Not a problem chief! We'll bottle it like the rest!"
4: Several bottles resting on a table, labelled things like "Rats" "Climate" "COVID" Chief, unsure, says "...Alright."
5: Coping mechanism(CM), pleased, speaks "Yep, I've kept us going a long time with the "Bottle It All Up" plan."
6: The two stand beside a huge bottle that seems to be shaking, CM continues, "It all started when I bottled up The Big One."
7: Chief asks "What's in it?" Coping Mechanism puts a hand on the bottle, "Dunno! And that's the idea!"
8: Chief, looking suspicious, asks "Does it... seem a bit unstable?" CM laughs off his concerns, "That bottle has held for almost twenty years, there's no way-"
9: The surface of the bottle forms a small crack. SFX: KRK
10: Both mes look panicked.
11: The bottle shatters, white, blue, and pink water bursting out of it. SFX: KKRRSSSHHH
12: A tidal wave of the trans-colored water washes over the Chief and Coping Mechanism. SFX: FWSHHHH
13: The water continues rushing past, there is no sign of Chief or Coping Mechanism.
14: The water slowly levelling off as it spreads out.
15: Chief bursts out of the water, now a woman and gasping for air, "GUUHH!"
16: Chief looking down at herself in surprise. She now has longer hair, earrings, has tended to those goddamn eyebrows for once in her-- and is wearing a skirt.
17: Chief exclaims in anger and frustration: "FUCK!"
18: Chief looks over to Coping Mechanism, who is also now female and staring at herself in shock. "...You are so fired."

Comic, 13 Panels
Panel 1: Robin leaning against a couch and speaking to the reader "I remember a lot of little stuff from earlier in my life that should have clued me into my transness. But here’s one that sticks out:"
Panel 2: Past Robin, pretransition, sitting on a different couch, on a laptop. Present Robin continues speaking, "It's 2009, maybe 2010. I was hanging out in the green room of the student theater on campus." Caption: (Yes, I did theater, try to look surprised)
Panel 3: Past Robin raises an eyebrow
Panel 4: A mouse cursor over a link SFX: Click
Panel 5: Past Robin reading while present Robin sits on the couch and speaking, "It was an article about a sixteen year old trans girl in Germany. She’d started puberty blockers at twelve, and hormone therapy a few years after that."
Panel 6: The screen, with the article and a picture of the girl, "And she just… looked like a woman."
Panel 7: Past Robin continues reading while Present Robin jazz hands a little while speaking, "The article itself was fairly neutral, more of a “wow, modern medicine!” sort of thing."
Panel 8: Present Robin looking to Past Robin, "It was the first time I had heard about HRT, and very nearly the first time I had heard about transgender people*" Caption: (*in a context other than “hilarious” mid 2000’s “jokes”)
Panel 9: Past Robin reading, both eyebrows raised in interest
Panel 10: Past Robin looking suddenly very uncomfortable as purple shadows rise up from behind SFX: UNEXPLAINED FEELINGS
Panel 11: A freaked-out Past Robin closes the laptop. SFX: Slam
Panel 12: Past Robin standing up with an “I’m restraining my trans panic” face, and speaking “I’m gonna do something else!”
Panel 13: A very tired, haunted Present Robin speaking as Past Robin walks away, "I proceeded to not examine those feelings for over a decade."

Velcro Candy @velcrocandy.bsky.social · last wk.

Finally watching this silly documentary about silly coke addicts. I'm enjoying it. Always happy to hear from Simpsons writers.

The poster for National lampoon drunk stoned brilliant dead

Velcro Candy @velcrocandy.bsky.social · last wk.

I witnessed a murder.

Jesstergen 👩🏻‍🚀 ✨@rougerogue.bsky.social · last wk.

My pitch to Disney and the Dahl estate: A Big Titty Goth Girlfriend sequel to The BFG.

Jesstergen 👩🏻‍🚀 ✨@rougerogue.bsky.social · last wk.

Poster for the ‘BFG’ but the tittle has been changed to ‘the BTGG’
Girl stands on the foot of a giant and stares up.

Ironlily @ironlilyart.com · last wk.

Would you adopt this harpy?🫴🦅

Velcro Candy @velcrocandy.bsky.social · last wk.

I was more colorful than usual yesterday.

Candy wearing heart shaped sunglasses and a teal jet grind radio t-shirt with an image of the love shockers

Velcro Candy @velcrocandy.bsky.social · last wk.

... Arf arf

Bullrilla 🐂🦍@bulkingcanuck.bsky.social · last wk.

They're selling what?

Velcro Candy @velcrocandy.bsky.social · last wk.

The computer animation is a little crude but it still holds up. Love the score too. You just know that if this came out today, there would already be plushies of every character at Hot Topic and Amazon would've already ordered a dozen more stretched out to 22 minutes. Not that that's a bad thing.

“Grinning Evil Death” (1990) - Cel animation & CGI short film (MIT Media Lab)

YouTube video by vson8

youtu.be

Schlockluster Video @schlocklustervideo.bsky.social · last wk.

On July 27, 2005, Broken Flowers premiered in New York City. Here’s a drawing of Bill Murray to celebrate!

Pen drawing of Bill Murray wearing a black shirt and glancing to the right with a resigned expression on his face drawn on a torn floral-printed weekly planner.

Velcro Candy @velcrocandy.bsky.social · last wk.

Oh shit, Killer Shrews! Feels like I have to make a Frankenhooker cosplay now. And The Tingler!!! In a theatre! They won't have the seats equipped with William Castle's Percepto gimmick but maybe if I wear a Lovense butt plug and have someone hit the button when... this started as a joke, but...

SATURDAY, OCTOBER 17 AT 2PM

2HOURS OF TERROR

Cleveland Cinemas

CEDAR LEE

CEDAR & LEE ROADS 440-528-0355

DEAD

CABIN FEVER TINGLER

FRANKENHOOKER

THE

WIZARD OF GORE

PROM NIGHT II

PLUS OUR SUPER. SECRET SURPRISE MOVIE

Velcro Candy@velcrocandy.bsky.social · 2w ago

Wanna date?!

Velcro Candy @velcrocandy.bsky.social · last wk.

Y'all are lucky I'm so lazy or else I'd make a short animation of James Brown having a stroke but trying to play it cool on stage while performing Get Up Sex Machine.

Get Up I Feel Like Being Like A Sex Machine, Pts. 1 & 2

YouTube video by James Brown - Topic

youtu.be

Velcro Candy @velcrocandy.bsky.social · last wk.

Moon bathing by my Lake

Velcro Candy @velcrocandy.bsky.social · last wk.

Selkie selfie 🦭