My dad was a fisherman, but he quit because his net income wasn’t enough
Weekday Jokes
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What do you call a bird that's afraid of heights? A chicken!
Knock, knock. Who's there? Nobel. Nobel who? Nobel, that's why I knocked!
DJ’s aren’t allowed to work at fish markets because they’re always dropping the bass
I watched a documentary about beavers last night. It was the best dam show ever!
I was playing poker the other night, and I ran out of money, so I slapped some meat on the table. I was raising the steaks
I went into a shop and said "Can someone sell me a kettle?" The cashier said "Kenwood?" I said "Where is he then?"
Snakes are measured in inches because they don’t have feet
I'm trying to organize a hide and seek tournament, but it's really hard to find good players
Why couldn’t the mushroom get into the club? He wasn’t mold enough
I held up my watch to a mirror. It was time for reflection
How does a group of dolphins decide on something? They flipper coin
A man was hospitalized with 6 plastic horses inside him. The doctor described his condition as stable
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Woo. Woo who? Glad you’re excited, too!
What's do you call a cow eating grass? A lawn mooer
My auntie Marge has been ill for so long we changed her name to "I cant believe she’s not better"
Eating mushrooms in the morning is the breakfast of champignons
11:59:59 am is my favourite time of day. It’s second to noon
Why are skeletons so calm? Because nothing gets under their skin
My polling station is in the middle of a fishing lake, so I'm off to cast my vote
Knock, knock. Who's there? Hal. Hal who? Hal will you know if you don't open the door?
Why don't anteaters ever get sick? Because they are full of little anty-bodies
Why are frogs always so happy? They eat whatever bugs them