Wheatley

@wheatleydemonbuck.bsky.social

26 | Male | Straight-ish | Pennsylvanian | History lover | Nerd of sci-fi and fantasy | Furry weirdo | I do not RP | Generally 18+ ONLY | Vore and many bellies ahead! | FA: https://www.furaffinity.net/user/wheatleythesnowyowl

I may have lost two friends that brought out the worst in each other, but I've regained another friend. I hope in time I'll be able to regain another, but I fear they might too scared to speak with me. Regardless, I am doing what I can to change, and I will change.

Dreamt for the third night in a row about the friend that I hurt. Always been the same thing. I'm desperately trying to get them back, face to face with them. Yet they ignore me like I'm not even there. I get overwhelmed by feelings of abandonment and sadness, then I fall apart. Then I wake up.

The hardest part is always recovering and moving on. I hurt those I considered friends, yet they still wished me to improve myself and move on. I'm going to try my best, so that one day I can forgive myself if I can, and so I can come back knowing I'll do and be better.

The friends I have I don't deserve. All I ever do in the end is grow close, then become so afraid of losing them that I end hurting them in a desperate attempt to keep them. I'm an asshole. A selfish prick. I try to do better, to be better, but all I ever do is relapse and push away those I love.

Was a friendship ever worth it when it felt like I was the only one who cared anymore? When it felt like I was the only who was trying? I'm sitting here wondering why I care anymore. Why do I even want to salvage it? Is it even worth trying to anymore? Are trying to hold onto good memories worth it?

I apologize for the sudden silence on my part. I've mentally rebuilding myself after snapping at a friend and going full nuclear. Trying to do and be better, while confronting a past I thought I had moved beyond.

Supervisor position opened at my job. I applied as I'm the only person in the store with experience in the two departments it covers. HR even posts a paper encouraging us to apply. Store manager decides to go ahead and transfer someone from OUT OF FUCKING STATE to fill the role.