just saw someone spell ‘nauseous’ as ‘nacaius’ .. and that’s ingenuity I think

and the biggest hurdle to me winning dancing with the stars is that I am not famous

two things that will never go together: “I’m gonna take a quick shower” and “let me put some music on”

my favorite thing about sounds is how they’re always loud as fuck right when you really want them to be quiet

maturing is realizing that the items that the Taco Bell worker decides to put in my bag is actually none of my business

streetlights along this street keep flashing but it’s like. I don’t really have time for spooky omens right now

fully drenched head to toe but my hot yoga instructor told me I’m so beautiful

feeling sick in the head, might turn my phone to military time

had to prepare for my quest

my hair is so long and luscious it keeps getting caught in my waistband

my vibe

desperately need to figure out how to cure my sushi and pho addiction before my bank account cures it for me

now why would someone walk into the same room as me and start coughing

I’m a strong independent woman until anything weird happens with my car and then I’m immediately just a girl

if I’m not supposed to rub my eyes then why does it look like a kaleidoscope when I do it?

told a 13 yr old that I was 28 today and they asked me if I was GenX

asked a group of healthcare professionals “what’s 46+9” and everyone’s brain turned off

such a picky bitch the way I like my water cool but not cold

short bitches are always gonna say “omg your standing desk is so high”

if by “dressing for the male gaze” you mean that I’m only wearing clothes so creepy men don’t look at me then sure

world cup 2026 easily wins the award for most random halftime show

bout to watch justin bieber and BTS hang out for the very first time

I love shoving way too much food in my mouth and then daintily dabbing with a napkin like I’m a lady

saying “I’m an angry person” to a room and having everyone laugh out loud is suuch a good feeling for a whimsical young lass

got confused & said I wanted an IED for birth control, bouta blow his shit clean off

can’t even have diarrhea in peace anymore, now I gotta wonder if I have a parasite

really cool girl said I was her kindred spirit the other day and I’m still riding that high

I hate when people text “On my way!” because I never know if they meant to be that excited or if they texted omw and their phone decided they were that excited

just saw someone post a selfie with the caption “just remembered I am goated and can have the best day” … that’s so me

last night someone wanted to fight me because I looked so good, my friend said “oh you’re badbitchaphobic”