Ann Arbor Pitchbot

@a2pitchbot.bsky.social

Grumpy townie since 1983. Sometimes parody is indistinguishable from reality. DM your pitches to pitchbot AT theinternetemail DOT com. they/them

We were listening to Yousef Rabhi's victory speech when my 68-year-old landlord turned to me gravely and asked, "why are the socialists celebrating?" And when I told him, "because you helped get a DSA member elected," he started painting over the outlets with a can of flat, beige latex. #a2council

Tax breaks for developers, which I never support, created the housing at 841 Broadway, which I didn't support, and cleaned up the riverfront to make a park, which I said I'd never visit, that I visited to campaign against tax breaks for developers, which I never support. #a2council by Yousef Rabhi

My 69-year-old, DSA-supporting campus landlord was reading Mlive when she asked me gravely, “why is the state board of elections claiming that Yousef Rabhi broke the law?” When I told her, “because the capitalist Taylor Machine’s tentacles go all the way to the top,” she started crying. #a2council

Bannister’s dishonest mailers, which I did not support, and Library Green’s illegal ads, which I did not support, and Yousef’s illegal mailers, which I also did not support, wouldn’t be necessary if Mayor Taylor would just Democratize Density, which I do not support. #a2council

The corporate interests running the party will use any excuse to push for deregulating lettuce. Taylor's social media sycophants are like high schoolers wanting to be accepted in some food poisoning cool kids clique—this is just high school politics applied to parasites. Follow the runny! #a2council

I printed out Ann Arbor’s whole entire Comprehensive Land Use Plan (including appendices) and read through it. I also printed out the old plan so I could compare it side-by-side, as well as the Natural Features Plan. In my opinion, the new plan doesn’t go far enough to protect trees. #A2Council

I’m a lifelong animal lover and dog owner. But unless the Humane Society disavows the cute picture of Mayor Taylor and a rescue dog, I’ll have no choice but to sell these Dalmatian puppies to the eccentric heiress in the fur coat with the evil laugh. #a2council

MLive News Alert | A group of approximately fourteen residents is outraged by a Luxury Student High Rise project a block from campus. In other news: Feast your eyes on this five-bed, five-bath Arbor Hills dreamboat listed at $1.8m. It’s MLive’s House of the Week! #a2council

Some say there's no proof Mayor Taylor has used the Weather Shield to his own advantage by dialing up a heat wave just as absentee ballots are delivered and the city's first splash pad came online. But in this Northside Diner, patrons aren't so sure. #a2council

Whether it’s More Neighbors A2 sending out a housing questionnaire, or 1st Ward candidate Rebecca Arends laundering her attacks on More Neighbors A2 through Ann Arbor’s most toxic conspiracy blog, it’s clear that both sides have a civility problem. #a2council

My 56-year-old son was reading the A2Indy when he asked me gravely, “daddy why is Rebecca Arends writing Op/Eds for Pat Lesko’s conspiracy blog?” When I told him, “because Arends refuses to participate in gutter social media politics,” he started crying. #a2council

Opinion | Ann Arbor’s population grew by almost 800 residents over the last year, the largest increase in the county. But I also read on Nextdoor that Tios had to close because of a beef with their landlord, so it’s impossible to say whether Ann Arbor is a popular place to live. #a2council

Opinion | As a pro-business Democrat and two-time Rick Snyder voter, maintaining our roads is a critical issue for me. But unless the city immediately opens 4th Ave so I can park my Tesla in front of Sottinis, I’ll be forced to vote for a mayor who thinks private property is a crime. #a2council