Andrew Okey
@andrewokeyauthor.bsky.social
Author of literary historical fiction. Winner of the 2025 Paris Prize @ Farnham Literary Festival. Mountain photographer. Thalassaphobe. #t1d. Hull City fan. Lives in Lancaster. MA Creative Writing, Lancaster University
Due to this summer's exceptional heat and humidity, Lancaster's candy floss harvest may be the best ever
Argentina have been playing for penalties since 10pm on Wednesday evening
We've been adopted by one of the local cats. My wife has, brilliantly, named him 'Kitler'😅
This isn't a football match, it's attritional warfare
I'm currently re-reading Tom Holland's magnum opus to celebrate how, by no more than the happenstance of his christening, he has managed to make Elon Musk look like a colossal throbber😅
I consider a day's walking in the high mountains to be a crucial element of my writing process. There's no better way to gain a big dollop of uplift and inspiration😊
#amwriting #booksky #writingcommunity. I've spent the last few days telling myself it is simply far too hot to write, and now I fear that June Goat is judging me...
Football deserves better than FIFA. Football fans deserve better than this bloated, hydration-stoppaged, queasily-politically-charged, World Cup.
I've now been writing my current WIP for exactly two years. I've never before needed longer than eleven months to complete a novel. How can a simple melodrama about a large cast of conniving chancers trying to produce a politically subersive opera in a country house in Estonia be this hard?😅
![cartoon for the guardian by Stephen Collins - script as follows:
[Scene is a darkened LOFT. Amongst the boxes and junk are FOUR KNACKERED OLD FANS - three tower fans and one circular, with cracked grey plastic and buttons missing. One fan, TOWER FAN 1, is a bit taller than the others, and is addressing them]
1
TOWER FAN 1:
Right lads, get ready.
2
TOWER FAN 1:
This is our time.
3
TOWER FAN 1:
The time when we remember who we are, and why we’re here.
4
TOWER FAN 1:
We are the four crap fans in a British person’s loft,
and we are here to make absolutely no difference whatsoever.
5
TOWER FAN 1:
I know what you’re
thinking, lads:
6
TOWER FAN 1:
Surely this will be the year they finally replace us?
7
TOWER FAN 1:
Our plastic’s gone all brown... I haven’t oscillated since 2018...
8
TOWER FAN 1:
Dave here sounds like a spitfire and blows like a sad cat’s sigh…
TOWER FAN 2:
Cheers mate
9
TOWER FAN 1:
But no. These people are British, and every year, they forget the sun exists.
By the time they remember,
new fans will cost *four million pounds* on Amazon.
10
TOWER FAN 1:
So we’ll be back down there... shovelling thick air across the moaning faces of a species that cannot comprehend the concept of air conditioning, or even just closing the curtains when it’s hot out...
11
TOWER FAN 1:
...while they incessantly bang on about normally hot countries which this country is now temporarily a bit hotter than.
12
[The loft hatch opens and a person comes up the ladder]
PERSON:
APPARENTLY IT’S HOTTER THAN GREECE, LISA](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:4m3we4apbjayclzcnhwe3pfp/bafkreidbpfu2ioghspjcg4xitzv655jzjwp5lgxk5hi3ag7sechgh222ze)
There are moments in your life that stay with you forever
A large gathering of football fans outside the O'Neills on Euston Road. My lot - #hcafc - sing, then their lot sing, politely taking turns. A red flare is set off. Charmingly, excited tourists stop and take photos of this exotic cultural phenomenon...
Breaking news.#hcafc To show their contrition, Southampton have offered to send Middlesbrough their videos of the Tigers' last three training sessions.
![[Scene is the Tudor royal court. ladies and gentlemen standing round. In the corner a very fat HENRY VIII is hunched over playing a lute.]
1
LADY:
Hey Anne Boleyn -
Who’s that lute player?
ANNE BOLEYN:
I dunno
[Determined face]
But I’m gonna find out.
[Title lettering panel]:
THIS SUMMER
[Scene is now two musicians - one with a harp, the other is Henry VIII again playing the lute]
HARPIST:
Yo Henry VIII -
Who wrote that sick lute riff yo’ jamming?
HENRY VIII:
Why...
[Looking around, modest, surprised at the attention]
I did…!
[Title lettering panel]:
SEE THE STORY
[Scene is now a tudor record producer with ruff and wearing dark sunglasses]:
PRODUCER:
Congratulations Henry
Your lute thing is a hit and your story is now one of uncomplicated musical success!
[Show a panel with lots of Beatlemania-style scenes of success for Henry the musician - swooning tudor girls, playing lute on stage, waving to fans as he descends from his golden carriage. In the middle of it in Tudor lettering are the words]:
“UNCOMPLICATED MUSICAL SUCCESS MONTAGE”.
[Another scene - a man is saying to Henry]:
MAN:
Say Henry VIII -
Are you doing anything outside this narrative that is very bad or weird?
HENRY VIII:
No.
[Title lettering panel]:
…OF A MUSICAL GENIUS
who definitely didn’t do anything outside this narrative that was very bad or weird
[Scene with Thomas Cromwell]
THOMAS CROMWELL:
Hang on Henry aren't you also a -
HENRY VIII [jumping in front of him with his lute held aloft]:
LUTE SOLO!
[Final film title panel]:
HENRY VIII:
Rock Biopic
[rated U]
[Ends]](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:4m3we4apbjayclzcnhwe3pfp/bafkreidmilghzmgnj35twr4xvnfm5eubpcdc4xmtd5nzexe2ybcubmeu7m)
Happy 100th Birthday to Sir David Attenborough Thank you for being a friend to all animals and for helping the world to cherish us x
A mountain is only ever as dramatic as the sky that serves as its backdrop
The place we call 'Acer Corner' is my absolute favourite part of our garden
The more he thought about it, the more certain Brian became that he had been adopted.
The 1957 World Manspreading Championships was declared a dead heat.
I was chatting to a friend about a band and he said "I've liked some of their tunes but I wouldn't consider myself an affectionado of theirs". I totally love this new word, and intend to slip it into polite conversation whenever possible 😀
housing is more expensive now, but also a lot safer. this kind of home was considered cream of the crop in the 1980s
##amwriting. Its taken so much more time and effort than I'd hoped🥵, but I've finally finished Act I of the WIP. Looks like bad news for my beta readers, though I'm still hopeful the whole thing'll come in at under 100,000 words 🤞
You know you've truly arrived as an author when your book cover is put on a birthday cake 🎂
A classic moment from ITV's "Marple". Might be a death threat, though I'd prefer to think that the recipient has just been invited to dinner by a northerner.
Exploring the opportunities to experiment offered by the Premier Inn breakfast bar: I can report that cocoa pops doused in Greek yoghurt makes a surprisingly pleasant breakfast option 😀