my wife is on a camping trip and while she’s away i am reminded that left to my own devices i become a little gremlin untethered from the concept of time. there is nothing to stop me from flipping all the lights on and doing jumping jacks at 3am
sometimes a man’s just gotta bite his parrot and i respect that, i really do, but do you have to look so comically sinister about it
exciting that i’ve reached the point in my career where my agenda includes sitting down people from other depts and telling them they have to got to start being nicer to our new guy. he’s doing his best. stop stressing him out, this is an office job we are not rescuing babies from burning buildings
i’m reading ronan farrow’s catch and kill which is very much making me feel like my entire head is on fire. how is every major exec at 🦚 from 2000-2019 not in jail or in a hole in the ground. are you fucking kidding me
two thousand dollars. two THOUSAND dollars. for that price you better come to my house and kill me with hammers
they just showed a man. an ostensibly perfectly normal man. but he put a whole baked chicken and a packet of crystal light in a blender and blended it up and then he drank the chicken milkshake and then. everyone just moved on from that like it was normal, or acceptable. it’s not okay. i’m not okay
advil lavigne@arr0tt.bsky.social · 2mo agoi have now watched one (1) episode of love is blind and i’m really worried. like im for real gravely concerned about people who suffer from heterosexual thoughts
the rodeo’s in town and he got to be in the rodeo parade :)
cause of death: mistakenly showed feet on a work call with all 3 of my bosses
i have now watched seven (7) seasons of love is blind in the past month and i think it has left part of my brain kind of dented in and mushy. like a bruised pear
is it just me or has 2026 been a banner year for small dev roguelites so far
the tech who brought him back out to me at the end of his laser session let out the longest, most tortured sigh and said “so, unfortunately he’s perfect”
advil lavigne@arr0tt.bsky.social · 2mo agobadger is doing laser therapy sessions this month and the absolute best part is the little goggles he has to wear every time. the doggles
ever since i was a little girl i always knew i wanted to stare at excel spreadsheet for 40 hours a week
just told my boss that a work project would be “snooth sailing” from here on. very snooth
what i’m learning from love is blind is that if a woman is a pilates instructor it means she’s insane
sometimes, in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for a woman to be in possession of her naked little turkey leg
i just love tikka masala so much bro. i just love it so much