The best thing about a sprained ankle is being massively depressed really gels well with the lack of mobility
I keep answering ads on Craigslist asking for pitchers and every time I show up it's just one guy how are we gonna play baseball with just the two of us ?
I need to get to the moon so I can leave my gay thoughts there
Tom the cat was a bitch because if my cat spotted Jerry that little guy would be looking at his own intestines like it was a nam movie
The raw power I feel on Libby when I finish a book and see one person waiting in line is better than any orgasm. I am the decider the only thing stopping you from reading this Reacher Novel is me your new god
Hooters just filed for Bankruptcy no one text I just need time to grieve
I don't do Ozempic because when I eventually get hot, ripped and sexy I want the full credit to go to the 33 tapeworms I put in the bowl of ice cream I ate last night
Another day another CIA agent in the moat I've dug out front of my house
Crazy weather we're having today it's got me thinking so many gay thoughts
"The Philadelphia School District has announced that it will not follow an executive order from Donald Trump, and that it will instead continue to allow transgender athletes to compete on teams that align with their gender identity."
Philadelphia schools will allow trans athletes to compete, rejecting Trump executive order
The Philadelphia School District has announced that it will continue to allow transgender athletes to compete on teams that align with their gender identity.
advocate.com
The cowards in Hollywood weren't ready for big eastern European vampire dick. Not me though Im ready 👉👈
Advice for delivery people write down every address you deliver to . When the tip comes through cross it out then at the end of the week you have a list of doors to pee on while doing other deliveries
In the bug nightclub watching Bees do the Stingy leg and Rollie Pollies throw it in a circle
Heard RFK is banning Anti Depressants too bad he can't ban the greatest anti depressant of all
Looking to hire someone to sit on my shoulders and dangle a carrot in front of me out of reach to help me get my steps in
"I'm scared to love again ." "Dude aren't you currently in a relationship?" "I'm just really tired I don't think I can handle a second."
"There's a foul stench this eve can you smell it ? Why are you backing away ? Oh it's me "😔
I'm thinking of running for Senate when I'm 83 I don't wanna wait till I'm too old .
The underwear where the flap is Horizontal makes me feel like im Wyatt Earp quick drawing when I piss
Got kicked out of a chess tournament for absolutely dominating them using checkers techniques
Hate that the only place to catch snowflakes on your tongue is next to the pissing tree but what can you do
Remembered I have this account hope everyone is having a very scary Sunday have as many panic attacks as your heart will allow ❤️🤩
Whenever I stick my hand in the blender everything gets red and I get dizzy and I'm pretty sure that's what love is so yeah I love my ninja blender
" Me and the other monks got together and we think this whole vow of silence thing is a little whack I propose a vow of silence after 11pm on week nights " *Other monks nodding vigorously* "Also I think a little ass play on Saturdays is fair game " *Other monks shaking their head no vigorously *
Normalize used car salesmen getting to cry a little bit about their divorce mid sale
As I gaze through my broken driver side window at the local planet fitness, dunkin donuts iced coffee in hand, I am overcome with the feeling that I've finally made it in life.