bryan (Taylor’s Version)
@bryan.town
retired sock model | my rat name is “patty cake” he/him 🏳️🌈 🏳️⚧️
based on observation I’ve found that the best way to be really confident in your parenting skills is to not have any children of your own
jokes on you the horse i rode in on would never fuck you
it’s so cool that we invented instant, realtime, worldwide voice communication so that scammers and frauds could have jobs 🙏
the way I feel when my son plays with someone for an hour on the playground without learning their name is how my wife feels when I spend all evening gaming with the boys and don’t learn anything about their lives or how they’re doing
sipping coffee out of my mug that says “don’t talk to me until I’ve had my cognitive behavioral therapy”
thank you for contacting the void, your screams are important to us. you are currently 379,002nd in line to scream. to avoid (haha get it) wait times, please submit screams via our website!
most people don’t know but it’s legal to stand in the shower and just scream for as long as you want
I keep forgetting that jared leto and russell brand are different guys
[waking up] boy i hope more events and situations don’t happen today
wow I can’t believe your mom said that to you I’m prescribing one of those fancy aged cheddars this week
bryan (Taylor’s Version)@bryan.town · 2y agoposing as a fake therapist and all I do is tell people that eating more cheese will help and now I have a three year wait list
prying the bad thoughts out of my brain while it tries to spiral like pulling some garbage out of my dog’s mouth while she chews as quickly as possible
posing as a fake therapist and all I do is tell people that eating more cheese will help and now I have a three year wait list
LIVE through the ditches and LAUGH through the witches and LOVE in the back of my dragula
me: I'm going to build a time machine him: *eating the last donut* what you gonna use it for me: *eating the last donut* righting wrongs
microdosing being a dog after the vet by wearing a big scarf
our most problematic relationship with nature as a modern society is that we take all the glass out of the sand and we don’t recycle enough of it as beach glass
after his daughter is kidnapped, a former military cyber security officer has to come out of retirement to close one last jira ticket. this summer, see AGILE (only in theaters)
“installing update 1 of 25” is how discord passive aggressively punishes you for not starting it often enough
missing a meeting and not watching the recording of it should be protected by the constitution
goblin mode? no I’m going seagull mode, stealing every bit of food I can find and screaming relentlessly