The bread has escaped the pantry. Repeat: the bread has escaped the pantry.
This might be the best sandwich ever but I'm not sure I can get past *guacamousse* to find out.
New mustard bottle. Open lid. Lifts the “Lift ‘n’ Peel” seal. Does nothing. Pull on the lifty tab more. Tiny piece comes off. Forced to jam finger in hole to enlarge and pull “Lift ‘n’ Peel“ from inside bottle. Now have mustard finger. Finger actually smells great now. Smell my finger.
Let's all party like it's Space: 1999 and by party I mean interstellar orgies.
I may have to cancel my Costco memebrship due to the never ending static shocks their carts deliver while I’m just trying to live my life.
Time to spend 14 minutes scrolling rapidly through the Costco Member-Only Savings email.
Actually I did have punch a velociraptor in the face on my bingo card.
Dear Men, It’s okay to push your cart from behind. You don’t have to stand beside it and pull it along side you taking up the whole aisle. In fact Cornelius J. Aisle actually designed the typical width of his namesake to accommodate two carts side-by-side.
We all know climate change is a lie but it's 'feels like' 117°F / 47.2°C in Austin right now and I'm wondering why this hoax gets to decide if I die on the way to get groceries today.
Not saying it’s time to go to bed but I just spent 10 seconds trying to step on the pedal that opens the garbage can lid except it was the toilet.
This whole pack of 1983 Magnum P.I. trading cards is just Magnum being sexy.
Why are garden decorations always like this and not, say, in an international Swiss style?
Bluesky would be 500% better if it never lost the meme hashtagging from the Twitter days. We'll never have #fontmovies or #fartmovies again.