Comstar Helpdesk
@comstarhelpdesk.bsky.social
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CLARIFICATION: Earlier we made a 50 cbill offer. Uhhh, it's post Word Of Blake. We broke as fuck, and I was NOT authorised to post that.
One of the Clanner guys was being transphobic yesterday so we stuck him in the Siren protomech to give him gender dysphoria.
Experiment time: Taking five captured hyper competitive Smoke Jaguar pilots, forcing them into mechs with C3, and calling it the 'get along star.'
(This is how you get Blakists.)
Comstar Helpdesk@comstarhelpdesk.bsky.social · 3d agoComstar has many powerful tools at its disposal. Direct intervention, interdiction, information warfare. We, however, enjoy subtlety, like reminding the Captain General that we have his entire internet search history.
Comstar has many powerful tools at its disposal. Direct intervention, interdiction, information warfare. We, however, enjoy subtlety, like reminding the Captain General that we have his entire internet search history.
OOC for a sec: Sorry folks for the lack of activity here. I've been on the job hunt and it's been taking it out of me. Apparently 'shitposting on the internet as a fictitious evil phone company' doesn't get you far in a job interview?
New Comstar update: the Comstar logo will now hit the corners of the screen when bouncing around during the HPG terminal screen saver.
Comstar intelligence suggests that the "not named clan" was not Clan Wolverine, but a much secreter, cooler, and more fashionable 21st clan.
*shrugs* "Guess I better follow policy. Find: Battlemaster jumpseat cuck chair Replace: Battledomme rumbleseat likes-to-watch lounger
Comstar Helpdesk@comstarhelpdesk.bsky.social · 2w agoFROM: gharris@sarna.hpg.local TO: all-staff@sarna.hpg.local The term "Battlemaster jumpseat cuck chair" is now banned. BANNED! Each day we stray further from Blake's light!
FROM: gharris@sarna.hpg.local TO: all-staff@sarna.hpg.local The term "Battlemaster jumpseat cuck chair" is now banned. BANNED! Each day we stray further from Blake's light!
"Precentor, it appears our opponent has underbid!" "Are they that bound to their honour?" "... No, it seems they were serving lettuce in their cafeteria."
What I'm saying is yes, listen to the devil on your shoulder that wants you to hunt light mechs in your Victor 9Ka. Vibe check the bastards by throwing a high precision cinder block at them. They deserve it.
Comstar Helpdesk@comstarhelpdesk.bsky.social · 3w agoLight mechs are running against a clock when fucking with AC20 armed assault mechs. Sooner or later, even at TMM 3 or 4, you ARE going to get hit. You can accelerate this clock by loading precision into your AC20.
Light mechs are running against a clock when fucking with AC20 armed assault mechs. Sooner or later, even at TMM 3 or 4, you ARE going to get hit. You can accelerate this clock by loading precision into your AC20.
Trekkie Bill 🖖🏻@trekkiebill.bsky.social · 3w agoStolen from Facebook #battletech
The reason behind Darius' "incompetence" is really that he's a ROM plant we're using in a plot to steal the Argus, btw.
Every Level III has one. That weird, twitchy, strung out pilot. They're malnourished, unsettled, their hands never stop moving. They utter nonsensical things, and they look at the APCs with a fervour in their eyes, envious of their machine guns. This is the pilot that lost a mech to infantry.
Comstar Fact: Approximately 54 percent of all HPG traffic consists of late night TV shopping channels. Another fact: Did you know you can buy a ”genuine” Star League cooling suit for twelve hundred easy payments of 15.99? I sure didn’t!
Mech salesman slapping mech: "You can tell this one's got lostech because it still makes the Windows XP startup sound!"
This is why you take an accuracy hit when you're running, btw.
Comstar Helpdesk@comstarhelpdesk.bsky.social · 4w ago"The adept appears to be Naruto running..." "In a mech?" "In a mech."
"The adept appears to be Naruto running..." "In a mech?" "In a mech."
It's listed on the spec sheet as a TAG unit mounted in the mech's head, but it's really just giving the pilot a laser pointer they can shine out of the cockpit window.
Archival image of the Comstar Invader Galaxy. (Huntress, 3060, colourised)
What is an Elemental if not a robotsona fursuiter?
In the end, it's really for the best that the Tukayyid plan of "just seventeen thousand Locusts" was voted down.
In the Fronc Reaches, the three phases of combat are: - Rootin' - Tootin' - Shootin'
The sad tale of the Fire Moth pilot: Born to give hugs, forced to carry battle armour :(
This would imply that the SLDF took all the best furry porn with them, which, considering the Clans, was probably true.
Comstar Helpdesk@comstarhelpdesk.bsky.social · last mo.Everyone talks about the Helm Memory Core, but everyone sleeps on the Mlem Memory Core, which was four terabytes of furry porn.