More about this nonsense at Esquire dot com.

Some clever wordplay would be the way to honor him but unfortunately this just fucking sucks. If you don’t know Trashcan Sinatras, put on Cake. You will know in one point five seconds if it’s right for you, and if it is, you’ll wonder how you lived without it. Fuck. pitchfork.com/story/trashc...

Trashcan Sinatras’ John Douglas Dies at 63

The news arrives four days after the release of their new album Ever the Optimist

pitchfork.com

here’s your hat what’s your hurry

Donie O’Sullivan@donie.bsky.social · 3d ago

"I am not going to be in the same party with Hasan Piker ... if he becomes a force in the Democratic Party, I am out of here," James Carville says on Fox this morning. Reminder: The Left Insurgency airs tonight on CNN at 8p ET.

Going great for Max Miller, you love to see it.

www.instagram.com/reel/DbePBY2...

Esquire on Instagram: "Market forces seem to be conspiring to make us denser by the day, to give us no options but the most idiotic. Read the latest from @daveholmes at the link in our bio."

13 likes, 0 comments - esquire on July 31, 2026: "Market forces seem to be conspiring to make us denser by the day, to give us no options but the most idiotic. Read the latest from @daveholmes at the ...

instagram.com

Didn’t yell about soccer once this weekend and it fucking sucks

ED HARRIS. Dramatically better looking than I thought he would be, and I thought he would be extremely good looking.

Jeremy Dauber@jeremydauber.bsky.social · 2w ago

Random question: what celebrity have you met in real life who was dramatically better looking than ypu thought they were based on on screen appearance?

Was there a startgame?

Cocksure Commitment Queen Amanda Plummer, Amanda Plumming. substack.com/@cocksure/no...

Dave Holmes (@cocksure)

The indispensable Museum of Home Video played a few Amanda Plummer Letterman appearances the other night, and they are a BIZARRE RIDE II THE PHARCYDE. The joke she opens with here will haunt you forev...

substack.com

The term “dignified transfer” might need to be revisited.

Aaron Rupar@atrupar.com · 2w ago

Trump on fallen US troops: "All of them said very strongly, 'We cannot let Iran have a nuclear weapon.'"

Collecting questions comments concerns observations and queso recipes for the debut edition of Cocksure Question Time. It’s anonymous! (if you want it) ngl.link/daveholmes

Anonymous messages!

Anonymous messages!

ngl.link

Alex P. Keaton had a Nixon poster in his bedroom in Family Ties.

The Wall Street Journal@wsj.com · 2w ago

The kids are “Nixonmaxxing”: More than half-a-century after Watergate, conservative youth are discovering the aesthetic, and adopting the attitude, of the late president. 🔗 www.wsj.com/politics/ric...

@themattmcd.bsky.social I just watched Fannie Flagg and Dick Sargent be a couple on Tattletales on Buzzr, and I am ready to make the podcast about this relationship.

Did you know I’m Substackin’? Because I majorly am. substack.com/@cocksure/no...

Dave Holmes (@cocksure)

The news of the week, and some music to help it go down smooth.

substack.com

PS there is no such tweet on olive garden’s feed, so this is a lie on top of being embarrassing.

Aaron Rupar@atrupar.com · 3w ago

White House spokesperson Abigail Jackson: "I saw a tweet yesterday from Olive Garden that in order to take advantage of their never-ending pasta pass, you have to show photo ID. I thought, that's weird, Olive Garden takes pasta pass security more seriously than Democrats take election security."

Glad you asked! The Spectrum, ch28. Saturdays 9p-3a, Sundays 9a-12n, 6-9p, all times eastern.

Steve Reynolds@reynoldstop20.bsky.social · 3w ago

@daveholmes.bsky.social Dave, since I somehow don’t have this committed to memory, when exactly are you on SXM? (Besides the new Saturday night show I look forward to checking out.)

I’m not watching but I’m getting “climax of A Face In The Crowd” vibes

So Trump’s position is that elections under him were the most corrupt in the world, then Biden was elected (by the Communist Party of China) and four years later they all oversaw a fair election that he won

I think they’re cocky about “YMCA” and want to see if they can do it with “In The Navy.”

Ron Filipkowski@ronfilipkowski.bsky.social · 3w ago

Hegseth now wants taxpayers to pay to give testosterone injections to troops to make them better warfighters.

Aloysius Coldbrew

kim@kimmymonte.bsky.social · 3w ago

your baseball pitcher name is your grandfather’s first name and the last thing you bought i’ll go first mine’s Dominic Sandals

RIP satire. It died!

Found its target audience of nobody

Forbes@forbes.com · 3w ago

The new adaptation has a long way to go to recoup its reported $250 million budget.

Live your life in such a way that people don’t immediately run out of things to say about you as a person and can only talk about you in terms of your relationship to other people.

This is very very good.

Drew Magary@drewmagary.bsky.social · 4w ago

God I fucking hate this ad. defector.com/dana-white-s...

It’s not the important thing, but why does Ken Paxton walk like a sulky 8th grader

Meidas Rick ❌🚫🇺🇸🇮🇪🇺🇦🇨🇦🇬🇱💙🐸@sgtrick.bsky.social · 4w ago

EXPOSED: Republican Senate candidate Ken Paxton in London with his mistress on the 4th of July. Meanwhile, Democrat James Talarico spent July 4th in Texas with voters. Texans have a clear choice. Share this everywhere, make sure Texas voters see this. substack.com/@reallyameri...

There’s so such thing as basking in reflected glory, it turns out. Glory is a finite resource and when you take someone else’s, they lose it.

“They ruin everything they touch” feels like a lesson we should have internalized long ago.

Notes on a playlist. open.substack.com/pub/holmesvi...

I like American music (and Glass Animals)

An epic playlist for a difficult American holiday and the scorching hot summer that is sure to follow.

open.substack.com

For my Spotify people open.spotify.com/playlist/1BR...