TEXAS! No more puff puff pass?! Dark times indeed, BUT I'm a silver linings girlie. Catch me in just over two weeks in Austin. It's been years + I can't wait to see y'all! 🎟️ https://f.mtr.cool/qhj5hnjwog
Valerie Tosi
@valerietosi.bsky.social
Conan • Netflix Is A Joke Radio • Producer + Host of Mermaid Comedy Hour • Co-host of Millennial Moodboard Podcast • Pinball junkie
I don't want AI, I just want boob sweat resistant clothing. #adulting #advice #valerietosi #standupcomedy
(And if you've never seen the show he created, Stan Against Evil... you really, really should. It's fantastic. And make sure you watch the fantastic @valerietosi.bsky.social fulfilling her life's purpose of basically being Dana Scully in an episode of it.)
Forever 21 filing for bankruptcy right before I turn 40 feels like it’s my fault for getting old.
Avoid a government shutdown? My dudes, there isn’t a government left to shutdown.
Southwest really out here cash grabbing for checked bags while 1 out of 10 planes are falling from the sky.
Even the San Andreas Fault is mad Demi Moore didn’t win.
I’m so sick of every democratic politician posting these robotic and gutless messages. Screw nice. I want you posting with the energy of a drunk, rabid raccoon trapped in a chimney.
Not to be dramatic, but I need John Oliver back on the air before I have an aneurysm.
Happy Mermaid Monday! Join us ✨ TONIGHT ✨ at the the Hollywood Improv and help us raise money for Altadena Girls, who aid teen girls during the LA wildfire recovery. Tickets here: https://s.mtrbio.com/kdqxwptkra
I’ve been pretty good about not roasting my brother in my set lately. He’s a good kid. That said, massive shoutout and high five to Jeff Arcuri for roasting his ass so hard, literally, at the Clearwater, FL show tonight. If you were there, he’s the shart guy.
if they want to go back to the 1950s, we’re bringing the cuisine back to the 1950s too. you put me in the kitchen, I will spend 100% of my time in there finding how much horseradish and shrimp I can put in Jello before God personally comes down here to stop me.
Not falling into a well of despair has become a full-time, unpaid internship.
I’m watching a documentary on lizard people and it feels nice to believe in something harmless.
Time travelers will face quite a conundrum when choosing which villain from our timeline to eliminate first.
🗣️ Listen up LA residents! 🗣️ Sign & share!
StayInLA@stayinla.bsky.social · 2y agoIn the wake of the fires, LA production is hurting even more than before. People can’t afford to live here if there isn’t work here. Sign our petition at the link in bio STAYinLA.org and share #STAYinLA widely. (And thank you to hireyoungprofessionals.com for designing our campaign!)
A movie musical AND a horror film are nominated for Best Picture. Historic day for intersectional nerds.
You know who should create a new social media platform? Keanu Reeves. The vibe would be transcendent.