Stone Cold Jane Austen
@abbyhiggs.bsky.social
The OG. Feral essayist. Genderclear. Publicist. They/Thembo. Instructor/Professor. Words: @MarieClaire_sa @Guardian @The_Rumpus etc.🖖
“And I couldn’t help but wonder, who was going to issue a stark public warning about ‘slowing the pace’ on the advancements of me????”
“Still punktual as fuck,” I whisper as I arrive on time
I have that one gene where my body doesn’t make its own corndogs with mustard
[The Beatles in 2026] Woke up, fell out of bed, checked my phone to see if he’s dead
I am coming out of my lone woodshed to perform a ridiculous literary (true) story at this show of otherwise much sexier performers on Oct 15 at Club Car here in Baltimore. Y’all should come. The talent abouunnnnds. (Boo.)
me: Oh yeah? Could AI do this??? *summarizes a 5-minute story in 3 hours*
Trump telling Americans he’ll give them each $5k if Republicans maintain control of Congress
I love you, Macklemore. Thank you for writing that one lyric about thinking you might be gay because you liked to draw. You’ve always been a true ally.
All Baltimore, mid-Atlantic (and internationa) friendos: Head over to Old Major here in Baltimore Thursday night for an incredible horror/thriller/slasher reading series appropriately dubbed “Tomorrow Will Be Worse”! The food and drinks and company are to die for. There’s live background music too
My cat telling me it hasn’t eaten a single meal in 5 months after having breakfast
Me: oh yeah? Could AI do this??? *forgets to take medication 4 days in a row*
thinking of calling in “devastated by late-stage capitalism” for work tomorrow
talking to my college freshmen students, who were born in 2008
We’ve circled all the way back around to anti-anti-pumpkin-spice
BREAKING: There’s been a massive recall of whatever it is you just put in your mouth
My wife: can you find out what month the fall foliage primarily turns in West Virginia? Me: *Googles “leaf”*
If I send you this, then it’s time to wrap things up, asshole
What’s the creepiest thing you’ve ever experienced out in nature?? I can’t tell you how many random doors and walls I and my friends have seen in the middle of Indiana roads while driving at night…
Walking off a cliff thanks to bunk AI directions??? Call that SplatGPT.
Phil Lewis@phillewis.bsky.social · last wk.3 hikers who say they used AI to plan their trip were rescued after becoming stranded on California's Mount Shasta 'They were advised by Gemini to bring far less food and water than their group required,' the sheriff’s office said
I will continue cheerily responding to everyone with “TGIF!” until morale plummets
BREAKING: There’s been a massive recall of whatever it is you just put in your mouth
Today makes 14 years booze-free for me. You know what to do—
Guess I’ll swallow my pride unless that’s been recalled as well?!?
me: it’s spooky season them: you mean autumn? me, looking around: no