Wouldn't it be terrible if the Argentina squad fell victim to the cyclospora outbreak, shat themselves throughout a dismal World Cup final defeat, and never got the Falklands back?

It's going to be interesting to have a British Prime Minister who is a Scouser. Primarily so we can finally judge whether or not Margaret Thatcher's famously incendiary "rivers of scallies" speech was correct or, as many suggested, was just scaremongering.

20 years ago today I broke my neck. If you had told me then that on the corresponding day in 2026 I'd be almost infinitely more fucked than I was then, I'd probably have believed you. Because that's how unlucky I am and how shitty my life is.

It's her kids I feel sorry for

If a penalty shootout in the World Cup gets to a score of 10-10, the result of the tie is determined by a cum-drinking contest

Well, it finally happened. I got my liver transplant. Here are some nuggets for in case you ever need one. It sucks before. It sucks afterwards, but in a more open and expansive way. Look after your liver because it isn't worth this bullshit. And don't ever ask me for any help or advice.

My favourite snooker player is Whoever Is Playing Ali Carter

What do I get

Bouquet Garni up the arse and it's thyme for a wank

I'd like to know where you got the notion to rock the boat

Don Bradman was a lousy cricketer, couldn't even bat

I'd like it known that my interest in and tolerance of extreme left wing politics is identical to my interest in and tolerance of extreme right wing politics, i.e. zero. So everyone just knock it off, there's a love.

Within a 6 hour period this morning I had both forgotten about Dre *and* been fooled by the rocks J.Lo had got. Unbelievable.

Breakbeat hardcore was the music of my life, its the only new thing that emerged during ny lifetime that truly blew my mind

Cor my crabs and piles

I'm listening to Don't Leave Me This Way by Harold Melvin and the Blue Notes. 50 years old this year. The Communards' version is 40 years old this year. Both are fresh to death.

In de pines In de pines

I'd like to know where you got the notion to rock the boat

This year I'm going to learn how to play the Amen Break on my nutsack

Dry Jan is what I call your mum.

I've had a relentlessly awful year, but I remain unbroken and unbowed enough to wish everybody - particularly me - a happy and healthy 2026.

An absolutely wonderful, versatile, powerful and powerfully funny actor who enlivened everything he was in, and a huge loss. I'm not going to say the word, but we're all thinking it in his honor. RIP Isiah Whitlock. deadline.com/2025/12/isia...

Isiah Whitlock Jr. Dies: ‘The Wire’ Actor & Frequent Spike Lee Collaborator Was 71

Actor Isiah Whitlock Jr., known for his roles in The Wire, Veep, Your Honor and The Residence and a number of Spike Lee movies, passed away Dec. 30.

deadline.com

Worthing are playing Dorking tonight, winner gets the giant metal chicken from the roundabout for their town. Plus three delicious league points.

It's time to eat ribs. Ribs o'clock.

I'm going to have one of your livers

Greatness is bestowed on some fish but not others. Sorry, ichthyophiles. But being a fish is a meritocracy.

🐢

Bert Harris doesn't live here any more

I only watch things about hounds now