joker: how about a magic trick? i’m gonna make this pencil disappear (pencil falls over and joker slams the guys head into the table) joker: hold on let me set up the pencil again you jiggled the table
(seeing my cat sniff her brother’s butt) wow none of that now what are we mormons
every night before bed you should have your family pass through a hula hoop if any of them have been replaced by puppet people the invisible wires will catch on the hoop
look i know it’s weird that everyone who goes out to hunt with me goes missing but the rest of you want to keep eating right
sometimes i will laugh at a geography joke in a show that i absolutely do not understand
this guy got a box of sex toys from china
journeyman folklorist@aniceburrito.bsky.social · 22h agoCome through. I got Fuck 2
ask your doctor if daily ritual bloodletting is right for you
whoa did you just pick the greater of two evils? not cool man
hey can i hold onto that pressure washer for a second i promise not to spray it directly into my eyes
my mechanic said the frame rails on my car are so rusted hitting a bad bump could dump the subframe and engine onto the road so if i suddenly stop posting that’s why
cool screenshot of your post on twitter i think less of you as a person
if i ever get rich i'm gonna buy a decrepit old farm in the south and spend my days getting drunk and cursing at god
getting embarrassed, putting my hands in my pockets and turning to look off into the horizon as my calvary charge fails
when women have a midlife crisis they call it something like "the lunal equinox phase"
your neighbor could be a demon your neighbor could be connected by a series of roots to a large eye in your wall your neighbor might be crouched outside your door right now naked and hungry
i assume that article says some dumb shit that makes me mad but there’s really no way to tell
cop: did he send any texts around the time of the crash? cop 2: he sent a post that reads "padding my three track album with 26 skits and interludes" cop: not bad but it ain't going viral cop 2: posting isn't just about going viral cop: (sighs) not this shit again
the Center Left is fighting back!* *in 2-8 years depending on testing and focus groups and pending approval from their conservative donors
getting addicted to AI is like going to rehab for Ambien, it's nothing to laugh about but i also don't have to take it seriously