I prefer to play bread and butter pickleball over dill pickleball. Don’t judge me.

Sometimes I talk in cursive so the kids cant understand what I'm saying about them

I put my dog in the pool to cool off and now there's a line of squirrels, chipmunks and rabbits all waiting their turn. Fml

If your boobs get too hot in a heat wave, your nipples turn into raisins

I prefer being on vacation to doing work

I still can’t believe after Milli Vanilli got caught lip syncing they never blamed it on the rain.

Some call them bullies, and others call them upper level management. It just depends on who you trust when talking to a fellow employee.

I can turn water in to pee. Not bragging, just stating the facts.

I'll drink to that. -Me to just about anything

The "fuck it, why not?!" kind of people are some of the best people to hang out with.

Occasionally I set cases of beer out for the garbage men. Never know when you might need them to take out "suspicious" trash w/out questions

If you don't make somebody laugh or piss somebody off, then you’re not doing your job.

Sometimes I wish I had the innocents of a child, the loyalty of a dog, and the keys to a fully stocked beer truck.

When I was a kid back in the ‘80’s, I spent a whole lot of time asking for quarters so I could either play a video game or get something to drink from a vending machine. It was a way of life.

Married so long my husband’s voice sounds exactly like Charlie Brown’s teacher.

They said do what you love, so I went back to sleep.

I bet Harvard is pretty pissed it doesn’t have a comma named after it.

Sure, there are pros and cons to being on social media. Examples: Pros: You’re still here and I’m still here. Cons: You’re still here and I’m still here.

Life was easier when Casey Kacem was doing the American Top 40 on the radio during weekends.

Life slows down when you turn your phone off.

There’s something magical about a fresh brewed cup of coffee in the mornings.

Never trust a person who frowns upon putting potato chips on a sandwich. Something just isn’t right with them.

Why is it perfectly acceptable to put lettuce on a sandwich or cheeseburger, but not a hot dog? People will look at you as if you have five arms if they see you eating a hot dog with lettuce on it. People are weird.

There will be no ticker tape parade for the New York Nicks. Instead, laptops iPads, and iPhones will be tossed out of windows to ensure no paper is being wasted. Save the Planet

Your pets have seen and heard you do some crazy ass shit that you would be so petrified if anyone knew what you just did. Be thankful they can’t speak English. Hook them up with an extra treat.

The humidity is so thick outside a doctor asked Mother Nature if it wanted an Ozempic injection.

Remember when you thought you were dealing with some next level technology when you saw a watch you could press a button and it would light up to be able to see what time it was at night? Good times.

Participant in life and trying my best.

Society is weird. Growing up in school, we all drank milk at lunchtime. Order a glass of milk in a restaurant as an adult and people will look at you as if you’re a nut job.

Just admit it…you’re weird. I’m weird. We’re all fucking weird.