I’m sorry for speeding officer. It was that crazy jazz music made me do it

an uber driver wearing sock puppets on both hands that talk to each other about how bad the steering wheel tastes your whole ride

I'm really impressed you can still bend over with a stick that far up your ass.

Discovered a cursed photo subgenre: "grift hands"

Thinking this is the year I learn the Thriller dance Who’s in ?

'You'll choke too' - an aerial embroidery landscape inspired by all the wildfires happening right now... I'm upset every time I smell smoke outside and somehow we have people starting them maliciously too! But we all breathe the same air so they'll choke too (1/2 - see thread for close-ups)

*wakes up* ok that’s enough

*closes Bluesky account

Bluesky@bsky.app · yesterday

Update: group chats can now host up to 100 members.

You can’t scare me I passed over the Skyway Bridge in St Catherine’s in the outside lane, going fast, on a bus, on a windy day

Me: *does the robot* Interviewer: I meant skills related to the job.

time is never wasted if you’re getting wasted on a beach

Bluesky T&S: Nice site you got there. *talking a long drag on a cigarette* Sure would be a shame if somebody let a whole buncha nazis in.

Don't quote me -shitposters on Bluesky

World's Greatest Self Proclaimed White Male Trans Ally Gets Trans Woman Who Made Him Mildly Uncomfortable Banned From Bsky, a tale as old as time

I'm confused as to why every couple of months we have to rehash the discussion: bluesky is not toxic enough - let's fix that

They call it a depressive episode because it feels like everyone is watching you and discussing all the ways you are failing to live up to the potential of your previous seasons.

I have an appointment to get a badass tattoo this afternoon, but my stomach feels yucky because I am nervous—if you are into tough guys

This feels like a trap.

cooking tip: if you use only half an onion for a recipe, you can put the rest in the fridge and later you'll have a fridge that smells like onion

[job interview] boss: what would you do if faced with a situation where- me: give up immediately

Eating peaches on the beaches

Remember to be kind to yourself today. You can be evil to yourself tomorrow. On Wednesday you should be kind to ducks. On Thursday the ducks will be evil to you, so watch out for that

When a celebrity, journalist, or “big account” complains about Bluesky being unfun or home to “scolds,” you can almost universally assume a trans person pointed out they were publicly supporting transphobia and the rest of us didn’t automatically bully the trans person for them

Interviewer: would you pass a drug test? Me: fire away, I know all of them

dying a little every day, to build up an immunity

Today is a holiday in some parts of Canada. It's literally a "hey, guys - enjoy this beautiful summer day on us" holiday

Every Cybertruck I see in the wild somehow manages to look even more jarringly stupid than the last one.

Urgh I suppose I have to put stupid clothes on. I never asked to be born.

Good night, Jimothy. I love you