What happens if you stick the number 3.14159 inside an onion? You get an opinion…
Davy Hulme
@hulme.bsky.social
I’m posting jokes/pics I’ve received/sent on MMS/sms/email from the last 15 years. Enjoy 😊
The phrase "hold your horses" is essentially the same as... "Be stable."
Fastest way to mess up someone's Knock Knock joke? “It's open.”
A man thought he was a fish… After examination, doctors concluded he was mentally eel.
I was literally deceased by the end of this www.instagram.com/p/Dba8hsKyLXh/
My pet mouse "Elvis" passed away last night. He was caught in a trap…
Every time I go in the local shop, the cashier looks really closely at my money and shines her light thing on it to check it’s real. Finally I got fed up and yesterday I said, “Listen, love, if I knew how to forge banknotes do you think I’d be shopping at Poundland?”
I remember when everyone looked at me because they thought I was half human and half horse. I was the centaur of attention.
I started my new job at a door factory yesterday… I’m still learning the ins and outs.
What do you say to your sister when shes crying? Are you having a crisis?
From a just the talk: Moschops - 19 minutes ago (#6335 of 6338) Peppa Pig World at Paultons Park is a bit of a disappointment thePiMan - 18 minutes ago (#6336 of 6338) The bacon sarnies are delish though
I was always told not to steal the kitchen utensils… But it's a whisk I'm willing to take!
Elvis Presley’s coffin was made of Redwood and took 2 weeks to make. Michael Jackson’s was made of Oak and took a week to make. Gene Pitney’s? 24 hours from Balsa...
The manager of John o'Groats FC has resigned after Saturday's defeat against Lands End FC. He said he's taken the team as far as he can.
What did they call a caveman when he didn’t know where he was going? Meanderthal.
Albert Einstein married his first cousin. Even his marriage was relative.
It's the last weekend in July, and that means only one thing... Shall we go to the village show?
A burglar fell into a cement mixer while trying to escape… Now he's a hardened criminal.
What do you call two male FBI agents having dinner together? A Government Man-date.
The man who invented anagrams has died. His real fun will be held next Tuesday. #LunchPun
When I was a kid we were so poor that my dad served a 1/1000th scoop of ice cream for dessert. He called it a Milli Vanilli.
My French friend doesn't like his passport. Under "Place of birth" it says: Born: Toulouse.
The last time King Charles used the words Andy Burnham, he was telling his brother to destroy some photos.
Before I married her, I took my missus on eight dates, and then we went to the cinema for our ninth. Our dates were... Dinner. Dinner. Dinner. Dinner. Dinner. Dinner. Dinner. Dinner. Batman.
A Chinese shoe manufacturer made this video to show how indestructible their shoes are and y'all I'm much too gay for this 🥵