The replies to both this and the quote-posted bit in question (which got an audible laugh out of me) are like the Platonic ideal of what happens when you post a joke on here now 😊

jeremy kaplowitz@jeremykaplowitz.com · yesterday

i tried doing this as a stand-up bit 3 whole times and it's probably the hardest an individual joke of mine has ever bombed (zero laughs and one real-life collar pull)

I've always said you can draw a direct line from Airplane! to Wet Hot American Summer to Bottoms, but I just realized that WHAS came out almost exactly 21 yrs after Airplane! and Bottoms came out almost exactly 22 yrs after WHAS. Looking forward to the next great absurdist comedy in summer of 2046!

I personally think it would be better if, say, every third person was completely insane instead of every single person, but that is just my opinion.

"u up?"

LA! Can you foster 2 gentle sister cats who were abandoned? Rebel (gray/white) & Piper (tabby/white) are 6YO, spayed, microchipped & vaccinated. Building mgmt says they must go to a shelter where they would likely be euthanized even if accepted. Please help these sweet kitties if you can❤️ Thank you!

enjoying the duct tape roll

oh i'm so sorry did u not get enough pita chip crumbs to eat?

This would be a really embarrassing time for me to disappear mysteriously because if anyone went through my social media activity looking for clues they'd be like "over 90% of the videos she was interacting with were of Tom Holland and Zendaya or capybaras."

"Amelia Bedelia was autistic" no amelia bedelia was a dumb bitch do not take this away from us

sorry but does this company grow literally all of their produce inside a giant ass or wtf

Taylor Farms recalls salsa and guacamole over salmonella risk

Taylor Farms said on Sunday it was recalling prepared food items containing jalapeños from retailers over concerns about ​potential salmonella contamination, a few weeks after removing lettuce from Me...

reuters.com

I have a very specific take on the sex-in-movies discourse, which is that if Cool World were released today, people would die.

sir this is a wendy's

is it bad that every commercial that i see makes me seriously question whether or not i am having a stroke

i'm starting to lose my will to live again when is season 2 of the hunting wives coming out

DAS ZOOMIES 💨💨💨

Midsommar? Umm, thanks, but I'd rather have a MAXXsommar! (pretend i posted this in 2019)

🚨 HANDSOME BOY ALERT 🚨

Since Jonah Hill is in the news again for being fucking weird, it seems like a good time to revisit the time he sent me a series of problematic texts about my relationship with Pierro ☹️

Lauren Flans@laurenflans.bsky.social · 3y ago

Omfg you guys, I started going through all my old texts from him and I'd totally forgotten there was this one too 😬😬😬

I have been crankier than usual lately and while the main reason is definitely that everything in the world is terrible, I do think a secondary reason is the fact that this is the longest I have gone without eating a salad in 6+ years.

I am currently watching a true crime documentary where both the perpetrator and the victim are insane. This is obviously ideal.

I am really, really hoping that this thread gets all the way up to Seventy-Six Trombones 🤞

Lake Mungo Jerry@toomanymonkeys.bsky.social · 2w ago

ELEVENsies? In this economy?

TEN things you hate about me? In this economy?

[Sic] Burns@sicburns2.bsky.social · 2w ago

NINE tonight? In this economy?

You never see the Little Caesars mascot running around anymore. I assume he died.

A piece from my latest exhibit* that I am calling "Blissed Out Boi with Blep (2026)" 📸 *my exhibit is just pictures of pierro on my phone

Rod Stewart: 🎶 Oh, Maggie, I wish I'd never seen your face 😫 🎶 Maggie May: my face that looks old in the fucken sun?

Lauren Flans@laurenflans.bsky.social · 4mo ago

Rod Stewart: I wrote a song for u Maggie May: omg so sweet!! 🥹 *listening later* Rod Stewart: 🎶 The morning sun, when it's in your face, really shows your age 🎶 Maggie May: wait wtf

I am calling people doing Jimothy Halloween costumes right now the same way I (CORRECTLY) called queer people doing "Negroni Sbagliato with Prosecco in it" costumes back in 2022.

...to tell them how fucken AWESOME they are

The New York Times@nytimes.com · 3w ago

Seattle Police are searching for two men who climbed over the glass wall of the Space Needle observation tower on Friday evening, flipped over a ledge and then parachuted from the 605-foot-tall structure.

ok goodnite

Me: I used to think He-Man and She-Ra were boning, but then I found out they're actually brother and sister. Anesthesiologist: Jesus Christ, how are you still awake?!

babe wake up they're arguing on instagram about whether or not kevin kline groomed phoebe cates because an '80s account posted about how they've been together for 41 years 🥰