Leanne Hope
@leannehope.bsky.social
Try hard. Writer. Storyteller. Aspiring clown.
"The sound a cow might make when spanked" "How someone might spell “gesundheit” if they weren’t allowed to look it up" ^^^ Two of my favorites; looooolz @tylergooch.bsky.social
McSweeney's@mcsweeneys.net · 4d ago"The sound a chicken bone may make when accidentally dropped into a garbage disposal." buff.ly/zlLH4L9
"With haste, fill yon lamb bladders to the brim with undiluted wine!" Definitely something Alexander the Great would say. medium.com/jane-austens...
How Alexander The Great Got This Party Started Long Before Pink
“It’s 331 BC and I’m comin’ up, comin’ up.”
medium.com
"I found out my college roommate, who became an elementary-school teacher, genuinely laughs more than I do." ^^^ so many good lines but this one is a truth
McSweeney's@mcsweeneys.net · 2mo ago"My children only call when they need something, which, in fairness, may be because I raised them to outsource all human interaction." www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/rea...
Do kids today know how to self-talk and soothe their fears that none of this (*gestures around self*) matters in the Grand Scheme of Things? I just uncovered my blogs from 2000 and YIKES time is a bullet train with zero stops. This post = self soothing obvs
on repeat in my mind ... also, kangaroos are aliens, right?
Stardust 🌏🎬@stardustbluepr.com · 2mo agoHopping into Monday.. Kangaroos on the sea at sunrise. Australia 📹 jeroen.fritz on IG
BASED ON A TRUE STORY!
Frazzled Humor@frazzledhumor.bsky.social · 2mo agoIt sounds like an insurrection in the kitchen. The kids and I sit paralyzed in the living room listening to Dad locked in mortal combat with a crusty casserole pan. We hear grunts, squeaks, and stifled cries for mercy. By @leannehope.bsky.social medium.com/frazzled/the...
"Accept that you have a lot going on right now....You're down to your last pen, and it's the annoying one that leaks." ^^^ so relatable! hilarious piece, no notes
The New Yorker@newyorker.com · 3mo agoIf you focus on writing a thousand words a day, you won’t feel overwhelmed by the fact that you’ve been trapped in a submarine for the past year and a half. www.newyorker.com/humor/shouts...
Son: Is that Neil Young? Dad: No, that Neil old. ^^^ my favorite, but ALL the jokes are gold
McSweeney's@mcsweeneys.net · 4mo agoWhy does Bono never take his glasses off? He still hasn’t found what he’s looking for.
I was so busy digging my own grave that I forgot to share this essential report. Thanks @theonion.com for the tips!
The Onion@theonion.com · 5mo agoDoctors Say Digging Own Grave Keeps Bones Healthy After Menopause
"Today’s agenda looks like it’s going to eat and leave no crumbs." Pure brillance, @audreyburges.bsky.social
McSweeney's@mcsweeneys.net · 5mo ago"I wake before dawn to coordinate with my vast network of parental co-conspirators. Our agenda this morning is straight fire, as the youth would say, beginning with a vigorous debate about scheduling sunrise for maximum cruelty."
“Perimenopause ain’t for pussies.” By @leannehope.bsky.social Full piece: thebelladonnacomedy.com/navigate-the...
Try to guess who makes a surprise cameo in my new story --no, it's not Mo Willems medium.com/frazzled/lea...
Leaked Script of HBO’s New Drama: School Book Fair
A parent’s worst nightmare
medium.com
Just gorgeous. Death Valley stands out as one of the most memorable landscapes I've ever witnessed. Would love to be there right now.
The New York Times@nytimes.com · 7mo agoDeath Valley, the hottest and driest place in North America, is experiencing a rare wildflower bloom after receiving a record amount of rain in the fall. Visitors are flocking to see the superbloom that has transformed the desert, dotting the landscape with pops of color. nyti.ms/4cLvINC
My husband told me he likes Sad Beck more than Dance Beck. Is this grounds for divorce?
"How many people in your hometown have cancer?" says my mother-in-law during a lull in the conversation. The only acceptable answer is, "everyone."
Making good on this idea from approx. 3 years ago: Reaching out to old friends in short phone calls (& text messages). HIGHLY recommended. Also, better late than never. www.nytimes.com/2023/01/02/w...
Day 2: The Secret Power of the 8-Minute Phone Call (Published 2023)
nytimes.com
I started using expensive shower gel and now all I want to do is smell my own shoulder.
On my tombstone: I read about the band Geese in an old New Yorker and now I really dig their music.
The New Yorker@newyorker.com · 10mo agoThe latest album from the indie-rock group Geese, “Getting Killed,” “is such a raw and unprotected art work,” Amanda Petrusich writes. The band’s front man, Cameron Winter, “is obviously someone who feels unusually deeply.” newyorkermag.visitlink.me/JLo8y7
Comedy with lots of pooping, my fave! Not kidding. Read it & lol:
McSweeney's@mcsweeneys.net · 10mo ago"We’ve painted the walls a beautiful sage green, installed a double sink vanity, and replaced our perfectly fine, functioning bathroom door with a sliding barn door. It’s exactly like a regular door, except it never closes."
