I saw a duck paddle into the current & then get carried away at incredible speed & it made me laugh pretty hard, but unfortunately did not get a video of that. Here’s just some water

Nice decor…for me to trip on

I went to take a picture of this moth(?) & a squirrel popped its head out like Can I help you

Guy in the woods trying to climb a tree in jeans…classic “that’s his business” situation

Had a dream Kevin Durant was sitting on my lap. He’s too big for that

The neighbor who is drumming doesn’t know how but they are communicating their anger & that is something

Where did I set that marshmallow. Marshmallow tracker

I bet the stuff (pitch) from the pitch drop experiment would have unparalleled hold if you used it in your hair

Drafts…I remember when I used to ask for those…

Mr Clean broke his soul into a billion pieces & that’s the magic in the magic eraser

Presenting my new short film: “butt rubs”

I was dreaming about a 4” pizza. If only that were possible

11:55 PM googling “beige”

took a BLIZZARD WALK out on the parkway, saw some things

Oh “Lassie” like a girl. I bet Lassie was a girl dog

For the semiquincentennial pro sports leagues should make all shorts/pants look like acid washed denim

The time has come. Texting my niece & asking if she’s ready to start LadiesMFAO with me

There’s no need for me to look up whether “Jimmy Fallon once shot one of his writers in the leg” was just in my dream. I’ll assume that’s real

Maybe instead of going live we should going love. This one’s for valentines

Someone mentioned Laura loomer to me. I don’t think what’s on our screens should be brought into real life like that

Catcalled while wearing cargo sweatpants. Not smart. How do you know I don’t have a gun in one of these pockets. A few guns. A gun for every pocket maybe

If you tell me about some dumbass bet you made I don’t need to see receipts. I believe you. Let’s just get this interaction over with

When I don’t post for a few days I am still on here 14 hours a day hiding muting and blocking

When dogs get excited about me putting on a hat or sunglasses that’s not because it means we’re going outside, it’s that I look cool. They are fangirling.

What if using earbuds that didn’t automatically pause when they fell out of my ears was the only thing keeping me humble. I mean it feels right. The music & actually the world should wait for me now that I think about it

(Seeing grass) Whoa I was just thinking about grass

Washing your hands is like a little vacation

As a pedestrian if a car doesn’t let me cross I want them to see me appearing to cast a spell on them if they look in the the rear view

I love when water tastes brand new. Someone should bottle new water