What are the chances of Harrison finding some scissors and hair straighteners? #TheArchers

Kenton you cloth head #TheArchers

Kenton being much more considerate to Carpet than to Fallon #TheArchers

Why does he love Jazzer so much all of a sudden? #TheArchers

Oh bloody hell, Bert again #TheArchers

Rod Liddle was very much like Marmite, in that you wouldn’t want him on your television screen, radio, or newspaper.

Wow I've just seen a dragonfly so big I could have saddled it up and flown home on it.

If I were Fallon, I wouldn't mind Ed and Jazzer looking out for me. It's a no-funny-business guarantee. What I suppose I mean is...fuck off, Kenton #TheArchers

Presumably tomorrow's episode of #TheArchers opens with Kenton nursing a broken nose.

A thing that I was dreading doing today, that I spent most of last night worrying about, does not have to be done after all. I'm cock-a-hoop.

I got an email yesterday claiming to be the ULTIMATE gift for the cricket lover. My Uncle used to be a cricket umpire for decades and he has a big birthday coming up so I thought I would check it out. Reader, it was just biscuits. They look nice but they're not really the ultimate gift...

"God, it's me, Harrison Burns." "Er, sorry mate, I'm out." "But you're everywhere." "Not quite." #TheArchers

Plan for the evening: -18:30 phone the daughter -19:00 daughter rings off because she knows I want to listen to #TheArchers -19:15 tea (food) with a g&t -20:00 fall asleep on sofa -22:30 wake up still on the sofa, drooling, with a cat on my chest -23:00 bed

I found #TheArchers an uncomfortable listen tonight

Due to the current rising temperatures, the water fight that was postponed from 2 weeks ago because we actually had to work hard, might be back on. Looking forward to it immensely. I'm 47.

I expected Jolene to be a bit more supportive of Fallon at this point #TheArchers

What a couple of twats #FIFA

I went to the zoo on Saturday with a friend and their kids, and there was one wallaby who just followed me everywhere. I wouldn't be surprised if he was at home with me right now. Either he saw me as a sexy lady wallaby, or he is the first Mr Octopus working his way up his reincarnations.

Something of Chris's in the wardrobe? Please let it be a gimp mask #TheArchers

Gourmet marshmallows? What the fuck? #TheArchers

Rex says "poultry" a bit weird #TheArchers

Call it Tom, after the biggest bell in Ambridge #TheArchers

Susan doesn't want Bert smoking in the house and now they are having an argument about it. Nobody saw that coming. #TheArchers

Sad to hear that Tom Chadbon has died. He was one of the very best #DoctorWho supporting cast. He grabbed the role and really ran with it, providing a witty foil for Tom Baker. RIP Duggan.

Who is Barry? #TheArchers

Harrison and Fallon waking up this morning hating themselves for having one last shag #TheArchers

5:30 #caturday alarm.

I will always love you Harrison but you really are a dull twat #TheArchers

Here we go, mother farmers #TheArchers