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Lulu ΘΔ🐾🦌🌙

@lunalulu.bsky.social

🏳️‍⚧️ ΘΔ She/Her/It ✿ 98' ▽ Local Enfeebled DogGirl🐾PolyPan ❣ Married to @joamna.bsky.social!❤ ☾☀♬ ❃AuDHD 🔞 Woof!☄ rina on discord Per Aspera Ad Astra... ༄☆

718 Posts383 Follower1356 Folgt
Lulu ΘΔ🐾🦌🌙@lunalulu.bsky.social · 7mo ago

coming back for a sec just to post how fucking mind wrecking it is seeing the artists of my niche be attacked and oppressed from every corner from the biggest forces to the smallest they are literal angels above for continuing to persist as artists in this atmosphere

dot_lvl@dot-lvl.bsky.social · 8mo ago

now the big one. i got a very strange and kind of (i'm sure unintentionally) invasive question, which i'm fine with because that's what you sign up for with these anonymous ask boxes, and my response is super super long lol. the question: "where did your obsession with being childlike come from?"

i thought about not answering this, but i think you're probably asking in good faith, so maybe this can be a teachable moment. i have to start by asking: what do you mean "obsession?" why did that word occur to you? i'm sure this was not a very carefully considered word choice so i'm not going to interrogate you and do not assume you have bad intentions, but maybe my problem with this will make some sense if we substitute some words here. i also laugh a lot, right? like, constantly. do you think you'd ask me "where does your obsession with joviality come from?" no, right? but it's interesting, because one answer you might be fishing for -- or just expecting -- also applies here. as silly as it sounds, laughing at everything can genuinely be a trauma response. maybe i'm given to nervous laughter because i grew up walking on eggshells and silence is uncomfortable. maybe i had trouble fitting in and making people realize i appreciate them and i cultivated a smilier, friendlier demeanor to smooth things out. but i think you would have intuitively understood this part of me as just an element my personality rather than an affectation or a put-on, and because of that, i doubt you would have occurred to you to frame it as an obsession. so what's different about this? i think you might find the parts of my personality that you're describing as "childlike" particularly unusual for some reason -- maybe they make you uncomfortable, maybe they fascinate you in a detached way because they're alien to how you see yourself, maybe they make you jealous, maybe they scan as a maladaptive trauma response to you. but my honest response is just that i am who i am, with no one element -- gender, sexuality, what you seem to understand as childlike traits, trauma, mental illness -- really claiming primacy. i'm the sum of my parts, just like anyone else, and just like anyone else, i'm going to feel a little strange about it if i see any one particular part of me put under a microscope.but it's the word "obsession" that i honestly find so fascinating here. again, i know these things are just anonymous question boxes and i've officially thought about my response a thousand times longer than i'm guessing you spent thinking about your phrasing, so i'm not interested in reading too much into that or interrogating you about it. however. i explained that this question feels invasive when applied to any other behavior, like say giggling constantly. but let's make this about gender instead. do you think you'd ask a trans woman, "where did your obsession with being feminine come from?" if the answer is yes, then you should really think about that, because the obvious implication of this question is that this person's femininity is an affectation and not fundamental to who she is. how do you think that would make someone feel? furthermore, do you think it was a coincidence that you landed on a word that echoes language we use to pathologize addiction? or am i on the mark here that something inside you said "this isn't just how she is, this is something she's doing (to process early childhood trauma | for attention | as part of a streaming kayfabe bit)?" because if so, you happen to be wrong this time -- i simply am the way i am -- but consider what you're asking and how it would feel if it WAS a trauma response, or some sort of scar tissue from something horrible that happened to me at some point in the past. people don't like to be singled out over things like that and frankly it's their own business.as long as we're playing armchair psychiatrist, though, i think it's probably because i'm transgender. growing up like this, you do understand becoming an adult as playing very specific roles prescribed by someone else so you can turn into someone you're expected to be, but who might not necessarily be you. i'm certain this is how cis people understand it too, even if they don't think of it as a form of gender expression. think how many little girls grow up and abandon sports, comic books, etc as they become women. think how many little boys grow up and realize they're being told to stop expressing their emotions the ways that come naturally -- laughing, saying "i love you," and even crying -- while also being made to feel embarrassed for loving dragon ball, mario, and god forbid sailor moon or cardcaptor sakura. it is not uncommon for trans people to go through this same thing while also shouldering crushing dysphoria that only gets worse over time. if you look around, i think you'll notice a lot of trans people -- not the majority, and not just trans women, for the record -- are a little bit like me. i would submit that this is not because so many of us are traumatized as children and develop scars, but because we're forced to confront who the world is telling us to become and ask ourselves if that's who we want to be. being trans makes you keenly aware of how agonizing it is when you don't get to be yourself and this is why so many of us, even the more timid and reserved ones, end up developing a "fuck it" attitude. you get one life and you don't want to spend it playing a role that never appealed to you in the first place. for me that means sylvanian families and kids' cartoons. for another person it might mean intense piercings, tattoos, etc.my evidence for this is that i've noticed childish and regressive behaviors get more common among everyone, cis or trans, as they age, because time has a way of making old sore spots hurt worse and worse over time but also because it has a way of making you more confident in yourself. you stop giving a shit, accept who you really are, and if that's not who other people want you to be, that's other people's problem. think of the midlife crisis stereotype where a guy goes out and gets a sick sports car knowing full well he looks silly driving it around with his beer gut and gray hair. why do we laugh at people like that? he's having the time of his life. why DON'T we laugh at women for carrying tweety bird and tinkerbell keychains and collecting stuffed animals throughout their adult lives? do you think you would have asked this question of a trans woman who passes perfectly, which we all know i don't? food for thought. i'm just me and that's my business. dot_lvl · 1m
Bree Lundberg@breelundberg.com · last yr.

Autism does not need to be cured! It's the rest of society that needs to be more accommodating!! Neurodivergence and disabilities cause suffering only because we have so little understanding or support. Treating it as something "broken" or "wrong" only enforces that, please just help people instead.

Lulu ΘΔ🐾🦌🌙@lunalulu.bsky.social · last yr.

I may be struggling hard but I took a shower and I feel a little better at least for a little.. only managed to deal with my face but even that is just freeing. honestly I need the government to pay for my laser before things get too bad

Lulu ΘΔ🐾🦌🌙@lunalulu.bsky.social · last yr.

its an unholy hour so I will allow myself one sad post to say I'm struggling lately. The one thing that makes the unbearable weight of the cost of living and my health issues is others, and making others happy and smile... I've tried to fill the bunny shaped hole in my heart by reaching out...