maimonides nutz
@maimonidesnutz.bsky.social
Maimonides, as in the 12th Century Jewish philosopher - and Nutz as in “Deez Nutz.” (I’m not Maimonides but I’m definitely Nutz) she/her
Give me Diagrammatical Behavioral Therapy, where we don't really change your life at all but at least we make some killer flow charts about it
maimonides nutz@maimonidesnutz.bsky.social · 4h agoForget Dialectical Behavioral Therapy give me Diabolical Behavioral Therapy — where your therapist helps you think of the worst possible thing you could do in a situation and then encourages you to do it
Forget Dialectical Behavioral Therapy give me Diabolical Behavioral Therapy — where your therapist helps you think of the worst possible thing you could do in a situation and then encourages you to do it
“AI is bad at writing about Jewish stuff because it hallucinates things all the time” Wow, then I guess even the rabbi’s jobs aren’t safe!! 😟
My self-confidence skyrocketed when I decided to Sodom-ize all men…as in, conclude that I would have met at least ten good ones by now if there were that many and decide to write them all off from now on.
The main difference between a camera and God is that my interactions with one of them always force me to see parts of myself that make me spiral into a state of dread, and the other one is an omniscient deity.
when I am walking on the street and I yell at a driver because they aren’t looking and are about to hit me, they always roll their eyes and I’m just like “oh I’m sorry…was I too aggressive when drawing your attention to the fact that you were about to HIT ME WITH YOUR CAR???”
“not into manipulation tactics. uninterested in psychological abuse” am I trying to get Facebook to stop showing me pop psych nonsense…or writing my next dating app profile??
An evergreen response to the people asking “Are you going to be at (local convention) this year?”
maimonides nutz@maimonidesnutz.bsky.social · last wk.
What are some things you can say as a construction worker but not as a mohel?
I feel like when you give your therapist an idea for a blog post you should get $10 off your next session
The explore page on my personal Instagram is an equal split between stranger’s (influencers) marriage announcements and infographics about “how to spot a narcissist” and I feel like there’s a problem somewhere in that
FACT CHECK: This is also why a giant horn is, even today, called a Tu B'a
This is the worst dad joke I've ever seen and I've seen some bad ones.
maimonides nutz@maimonidesnutz.bsky.social · last wk.Happy Tu B’Av! That’s the holiday where unmarried women would gather at the Temple and then harass their unrequited lover with a giant horn until the man agreed to marry her. This is also the actual origin of the word “horny.”
Happy Tu B’Av! That’s the holiday where unmarried women would gather at the Temple and then harass their unrequited lover with a giant horn until the man agreed to marry her. This is also the actual origin of the word “horny.”
“ohh, it’s Tu.. B - Av…well I guess I won’t be needing this! 😞” *tuba makes sad horn noise as it falls on the ground*
I texted my Turkish former roommate a video about Shabtai Tzvi because I thought he’d think it was cool that such a notorious and chaotic Jewish figure was from Turkey and he replied something like “why were you watching this at 5am?”
Very chaotic choice to throw a pack of condoms into a donation, but even more chaotic of a choice to first…cover the expiration date with white out??
Advice for getting through periods of existential unrest (from a pro): 1. name it — it will help you stay grounded if you’re acting in ways that don’t make sense 2. Maintain as much of a routine as you can manage 3. Stay as far away from used bookstores as possible
Y’all better be exalting every valley this Shabbat istg
Whoever at my local sushi restaurant wrote the descriptions for their sodas wrote like their rent was due, and I respect them for that
🎶 Kookaburra sits in her damn dark tree Counting all the abandonment she can see Stop! Kookaburra stop! Kookaburra, That’s not abandonment, that’s me! 🎶
The rabbi who did my Bat Mitzvah is apparently on the admissions team at the rabbinical school I was considering, and she was the one who reached out to ask if I was still interested That’s not symbolic at all, right….right?!
