(Guy who has been in a coma for a year and is seeing Infowars on social media and being 100% earnest) "What is this, the freakin' Onion?"

My goal is to live until the year 2640 so I can be at this church in Germany as this song ends so I can be the first wiseass to go "encore!"

depths of wikipedia@depthsofwikipedia.bsky.social · 4h ago

for the first time in two and a half years, a new note was played in this organ performance today!

The next time you hear some "trans kids are taking over school sports" delirious horseshit, here's a stat to have in your back pocket: trans youth are more than 5x more likely to not participate in any sports at all. academic.oup.com/jcem/article...

how can you not be romantic about baseball

CJ Fogler@cjzero.bsky.social · 18h ago

Cookie Monster's Take Me Out To The Ballgame

That's what taxes are, man. That's the definition of taxes. "You are subsidizing things you might never use" man shut the fuck up. My taxes currently subsidize like oil company exec private jets, you think I'm upset at low-income people eating inexpensive bananas?

USA TODAY Opinion@usatodayopinion.usatoday.com · 2d ago

Opinion: Mamdani's idea may sound appealing, but it's NYC taxpayers who will take the hit, subsidizing discounts they may never even use.

well there's an interesting Headline/Context decision at the Guardian

The American League is in a wonderful place where about two-thirds of the league are so precisely "medium-ass" that they have all convinced themselves, "why not us? why can't it be us that makes the World Series and gets fed to the Dodgers like a mouse being fed to some weird guy's pet snake?"

God, remember when he said "quiet piggy" to that reporter and that was just gone by the next day??? like if you heard literally any other politician or businessman or public figure say "quiet piggy" to a woman that would be career-ending, first-paragraph-of-their-Wikipedia, "piggygate" shit

I think every right-winger who's suddenly become obsessed with the "truth about COVID" should have to fill out this simple 4-question survey. Should be easy! A/B choices, can't pick both!

Hey guys. Bad news for all the marketing guys who run socials for pro sports teams. Just heard back from the Louvre Museum in Paris. They are not interested in hanging it at this time 😔

(to the tune of Whitesnake) Here I scroll again on my phone

Niche stat alert: Max Scherzer (looking very comfortable with 1 ER through 5 IP) sits at 299 career Quality Starts. All but guaranteed, the way baseball is going, we'll never see another 300 Win pitcher, but it's entirely possible this is the last 300 Quality Starts we ever see

I think the least engaging form of engagement is this thing where people reply with "_____ mentioned". Like you'll mention Rhode Island in some context and someone will go "Rhode Island mentioned." Yeah man I know, I am the one that deliberately mentioned it

There's a huge auction of Hollywood props happening: propstoreauction.com/auctions/cat... I'm just picturing what I'd bid on if I had "fuck off" levels of money. I'm only on page 3 and I'm debating Wilson the volleyball, Bruce Willis' bloodied tank top from Die Hard, or the flute from Amsrican Pie

My ideal karaoke song? "I Wanna Dance With Somebody" by Whitney Houston. I just need a woman who can flawlessly sing the entire Whitney Houston part but about three-quarters of the way in I'll bring the house down as the guy who delivers a deep, sonorous "DANCE."

The funny thing about "FIFA mistakenly thinking that people who like soccer actually like the FIFA™ brand" is that this JUST HAPPENED a few years ago with their fight with EA Sports, and FIFA got their bluff called successfully, and yet FIFA has seemingly learned absolutely nothing

Nathan Kalman-Lamb@nkalamb.bsky.social · 6d ago

UEFA has just unanimously decided to boycott both men's and women's World Cups over FIFA's attempt to sell the global game to private equity. Damn.

I think an underdiscussed part of the whole "how we got here, societally" thing is the shift from suburban commuters listening to hours of drive-time morning-zoo FM radio in their cars, to listening to hours of right-wing conspiracy podcasts in their cars.

Gotta shut down the factory that makes this kinda guy

Naming a business "Pizza Near Me" purely to game SEO results, operating as a delivery app-only ghost kitchen out of an Indian restaurant, with a menu full of AI-generated photos. All of our worst things in our phone in brick-and-mortar form

A funny thing about this case is that investors thought they were investing in A-list Hollywood movies but he was funneling the money into - of all things - real estate in Kingston, Ontario (full case details: www.capitalmarketstribunal.ca/sites/defaul...)

Toronto Star@thestar.com · last wk.

Canadian Hollywood financier Jason Cloth has been arrested in Los Angeles after being charged for allegedly defrauding investors of more than $100 million in a Ponzi scheme. Read more:

hundreds of millions got the COVID vaccine and there were so few problems that the main form of criticism turned into "friend-of-a-friend" hearsay stories, so this guy can't actually cite an actual case but knows his base will think they know people who know people this may have happened to

Aaron Rupar@atrupar.com · last wk.

Sen. Roger Marshall: "Who didn't have a friend who took this vaccine and had some time of complication? A stroke, a blood clot, a young man getting some type of heart inflammation. That's what destroyed the trust in the American people for our government."

taking a quick look at my local mayoral race, it's noooot great (two-faced creep Bradford B. "Brad" Bradford is well within striking distance when you account for undecideds) but if there's one thing that'll save the city it's the visceral distaste for Bradford among 18-34 year olds and women

After pulling the rug out from under Hockey Night In Canada on the CBC, Rogers just cut a 12-year deal with Jeff Bezos to make all Wednesday regular season games and 3 select playoff series exclusive to Amazon Prime in Canada

It fucking rocks as a baseball fan to be like "it's actually smart for my team to trade their best players in exchange for prospects because next season isn't happening anyways". I fucking love to connect losing my favourite players to losing an entire season and be patted on the head as Smart

(watching old wrestling from the 90s) man I miss when every fan in the crowd used to bring a sign. it looked so cool. (reading even one of the signs) oh uhhh yeah that's a borderline hate crime

He transformed AFC Richmond from underdogs into competitors... He conquered his own hidden trauma... And he taught us all about the power of friendship... But this summer, Ted Lasso faces his biggest challenge yet: going back in time to capture and assassinate Osama bin Laden

- The Nats fans who chanted "USA USA" all last night get a Canada hat. - Expos fans get a taunting message from the team that killed them. - The Quebecois get a big red maple leaf. - Canadian Jays fans in Washington get a hat of the opposing team. they're calling it "the perfect giveaway item"

lauren@lauren.rotatingsandwiches.com · last wk.

let's all celebrate the time the US stole a canadian baseball team, here on Canada-US Friendship Day. yall want a weird hat

Pop quiz, nerds. Here's a map I've created. What is represented here?